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Enjoy,Nixon Would Have Been Proud (Not That That’s Anything To Be Proud Of…)
Top nine reasons President George W. Bush will not be impeached despite authorizing the NSA to do wiretaps within the United States without court approval, an action which will likely prove to be illegal.
9. White House letterhead too costly to change now.SOURCE: Late Tonight with David Lenoman
They’re Killing The Petunias!
You may have recently seen on Fox News that I am part of the war on Christmas. Nothing could be further from the truth.
According to Fox, I have been deliberately spelling Christmas “Chritsmas,” which diminishes the holiday by removing Christ’s name from it. In response, I say to Fox News: it’s a spelling mistake. Really. That’s all it is. Sometimes, I type really fast and transpose a couple of letters. Then, in a hurry to get my Web page up, I can overlook the spell check warning that the word is misspelled.
It’s a typing error. That’s all. Now, please, get your cameras off my front lawn.
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
More Than You Needed To Know, I’m Sure
According to a recent article, artists generally have more sex than non-artists. I would like to apologize to my fellow writers for bringing the average down.
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
The Last Thing To Get Through Was My Pet Goat
When asked if he existed in a bubble, President George W. Bush responded, “Could you speak a little louder? There’s this thick plastic thing between us that makes it hard for me to hear your questions.”
SOURCE: Disassociated Press
This Happens When You Forsake The “Reality Based” Community
So, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger wouldn’t intervene and allowed convicted murderer Stanley Tookie Williams to die by lethal injection. Oh, boo hoo. What a wimp!
That’s right: wimp! If it had been the terminator, he wouldn’t have “allowed” Williams to die, he would have stormed the prison, killing everybody who got between him and his victim. If it had been Conan the Barbarian, he wouldn’t have let Williams die by lethal injection, he would have chopped off his head and put it on a spike outside the prison as a warning to other reformed gangbangers!
Arnie, you’re letting the citizens of California down!
SOURCE: The O’Meilly Factor
Of Course I’m Jealous!
Made in the schadenfreude: the ability to build a career on the misfortunes of others. USAGE: Given his propensity to write hatchet jobs on prominent politicians, Edward Klein has it made in the schadenfreude!”
SOURCE: Michelle’s Obscure Pedantry Page
How Many Faces Does That Make, Now?
Stephen Harper did it again! One day, he’s berating Prime Minister Paul Martin for taking a harsh stand on America’s role in the environment and international trade, the next he’s warning the US that Canada may have to find a new main trading partner if it won’t quickly resolve the softwood lumber dispute.
The quick reaction would be that Harper is, not for the first time, trying to have things both ways. I believe something deeper is going on here, though: Stephen Harper is the first Quantum Conservative in Canadian history.
In his natural state, Harper believes in a variety of “potential policies.” It’s only when he is observed in the media that these potential policies collapse into the single policy that he then states. Obviously, under different conditions and with different observers, the collapse of potential policies will likely result in a different stated policy.
Stephen Harper must be a Quantum Conservative – the alternative is kind of sad.
SOURCE: aye Weakly
If He’s A Centrist, The Earth Is Off Its Axis
Harriet Miers did not inspireSOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
country killer
Almost 1,000 Glob readers have nominated candidates for our 2005 Country Killer of the year. We will print some of the least offensive submissions from our Country Killer page on globandmaul.com in support of a Canadian who made a telling contribution to deconstructing the country.
Vicki Hottie nominatesRick Mercer is nominated for his relentless negativity. “Isn’t there anything about this country that he likes? Anything at all?” The destruction of a country is preceded by a loss of faith in its legitimacy by its citizens. In contributing to the cynical attitude Canadians have towards being Canadian, Rick Mercer is an important country killer.
SOURCE: Glob and Maul