The Daily Me – And, Mort The Wonder Ferret

Thank you, And, Mort The Wonder Ferret, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, our hands cramped up. It was the worst case of mass hysteric carpal tunnel syndrome the doctor at Mount Sinai had ever seen – in all, 27 individuals and the office mascot Fluffy the poodle were affected. But, we’re all in physio and expect to be up and back to work in no time. Thanks for asking.

Enjoy,
The Daily Me staff

Plus Ca Pocket Change…

The day after he promised serious change at the company, new Nortel President and CEO Mike Zafirovski was hit with a lawsuit by Motorola, his former employer, for breaching a non-competition clause. “Aah,” Nortel shareholder Andy Parameter commented, “change? Change is overrated.”

SOURCE: The Financial Riposte

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For God’s Sake, Who Will Protect The Children? 1

The Bible

The Bible starts with a huge amount of “begettings,” and we all know what that really means, before it settles down, with only the occasional rape or other sexual unpleasantness. There is, however, violence throughout (at one point, everybody on the earth except for some guy named Noah and his family are killed!), some of it described in quite graphic detail.

Not recommended for children under the age of 18 or those with delicate sensibilities.

SOURCE: Kids Out Of Their Minds

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For God’s Sake, Who Will Protect The Adults?

Is it a coincidence that Eugene “Gordon” Lee, who played Porky in the Our Gang movies died a month after Tommy Bond, who played Butch in the Little Rascals movies? Oh, sure, they will tell you that both men were in their seventies, a not unusual time for people to die of heart disease and lung cancer. But, look a little deeper; is it so hard to imagine that there was a network of child actors in the 1930s and 1940s whose purpose was to gather information for Opus Dei, the super-secretive Vatican organization, on the workings of the Freemasons in Hollywood? Who better than children – not just any children, but children famous for being children – to do the Vatican’s scut-work? Who would expect that the boy who tormented Alfalfa in all of those “innocent” films was actually a foot soldier in a battle for the soul of Christianity that had been raging for centuries?

And, now, it’s caught up with them.

SOURCE: Mike’s Ultimate Conspiracy Page

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Do They Ever Listen To Themselves Talk? 1

On a trip to Canada, US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice urged the country to tone down the rhetoric on the softwood lumber disagreement, saying that it could be solved with goodwill on both sides. Two days later, the United States missed a deadline for complying with a NAFTA ruling that should have dramatically cut duties on Canadian softwood lumber.

Nice show of American goodwill, Condi.

SOURCE: aye Weakly

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Do They Ever Listen To Themselves Talk? 2

American President George W. Bush says he will not be releasing any notes of his meetings with Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers because that would put a chill on people giving the President honest advice and criticism. Of course, this is meant primarily to protect the advisers of future Presidents, since people giving the current President honest advice and criticism is still only a theoretical possibility.

SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer

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Who Nominated Them?

In the wake of the failed Harriet Miers nomination for a seat on the American Supreme Court, The Globe and Mail claimed that the incident had intensified the Canadian debate on the way we choose Supreme Court justices. This intensified debate seems, however, to consist primarily of a Globe and Mail editorial demanding that Canada change the way we choose Supreme Court justices. Apparently, the editorial writers at the Globe feel that allowing a small group of extremists to have a grossly disproportionate say in future nominations would be progress.

SOURCE: The Glob and Maul

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HACK! – Uhh, Sorry, I…Got Something Stuck In My Throat…

This week, Conservative Leader Stephen Harper accused Prime Minister Paul Martin of talking tough in public but being “soft as putty” in private discussions with American politicians over softwood lumber. Of course, last week he accused Martin of jeopardizing our relationship with the United States by taking too tough a stand on softwood lumber.

Get used to it, people. This man wants to run the country.

SOURCE: Toronto Startle

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The Smart Money Is On Hell – Or California

They seek him here, they seek him there
Those Journos seek him everywhere!
Is he in heaven? Or is he in hell?
That damned Elusive Liberal?

SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered

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Did You Drive Or Did You Flu?

Problem: Persons concerned about transmission of Avian flu are trying to convince you to stop eating chicken, even though you’ve already stopped eating beef and your religion forbids you from eating pork.

Rationalizations: 1) Hey, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow.

2) If I don’t continue to eat chicken, they could overrun the planet.

3) It’s a humanitarian act: if I don’t eat the chicken, the Prime Minister could become infected.

4) The Poultry Marketing Board has got me hypnotized.

5) Vegetarians make lousy lovers.

SOURCE: Rationalizations For All Occasions

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For God’s Sake, Who Will Protect The Children? 2

Dakota Fanning is in the upcoming Nine Lives, her 12th film in the last month and a half. At first, I thought this was unfair of her, that she should give other young actors an opportunity to be in some movies. But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that she was actually sacrificing herself to protect other youngsters from child star syndrome.

You know what I’m talking about: the inflated egos that lead to drug and alcohol abuse in their teenage years. The crushing disappointment of a less spectacular adult acting career. The broken marriages, tawdry affairs and bad reviews. The spiral into obscurity – frequently sprinkled with self-conscious, self-referential appearances on episodic television – that inevitably ends in death or family life in suburbia. Dakota Fanning has already saved over a dozen child actors this fate.

She’s a saint.

SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now

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Do They Ever Listen To Themselves Talk? 3

Vice President Dick Cheney’s Chief of Staff Lewis “Scooter” Libby has resigned after being indicted on five counts of perjury and other nefarious deeds during an investigation into the leaking of the name of a CIA agent to the public. Libby’s defenders say he’s a bit forgetful, which shouldn’t be a crime. When it was pointed out to them that his “forgetfulness” covered fundamental details in half a dozen cases, Libby’s defenders claimed he was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s, and how dare Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald pick on somebody who was literally losing his mind. When it was pointed out to them that Libby had detailed notes which he could have consulted at any time if he was unclear on any facts, his defenders stated that he was illiterate, and that if that was a crime, close to half of Americans would have to be sent to jail.

An illiterate man with Alzheimer’s Disease – Cheney sure knows how to pick ‘em.

Meanwhile, Vice President Cheney himself urged Americans to remember that Libby is innocent until proven guilty.

Gee, Dick, I know some people in Guantamo – think they’d like the same consideration?

SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer

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