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Enjoy,Big Brother Is Looking Out For You
The idea that Microsoft can enter the hard drive of my computer and look for illegal software is comforting. This is an obvious attempt to ensure that nobody is undermining the capitalist system by using pirated software control. Microsoft must be commended for its protection of copyright right away!
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
Hope I’m Not Giving Away Too Much
The details of a television miniseries based on the events of September 11, 2001 are being kept secret, says the series’ producer, in order to protect it from copycats. Rumour has it that the story involves commercial airplanes being flown into tall office towers, killing almost 3,000 people.
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
Exhbitionists In Every Sense Of The Word
Vienna’s Leopold Museum allowed visitors to get in to The Naked Truth, an exhibition of early 1900s erotic art, if they came in skimpy clothes or wearing nothing at all. Former American Attorney General John Ashcroft had to be rushed to a nearby hospital after taking in the exhibition. “He thought he would be like a kid in a candy store,” a spokesperson for Ashcroft commented, “draping bodies here and there. But, all that…naked…flesh proved too much for his heart.”
Ashcroft is doing fine, as are the exhibition-goers.
SOURCE: Art Splorts
It’s Not Your Finger We’re Looking At, Donald…
The possibility that the United States will be withdrawing many of its troops from Iraq some time in 2006 depends upon the strength of the Iraqi military, as measured by its ability to take over policing duties from American soldiers. A heavy increase in the number of Iraqi soldiers at the beginning of 2005 seemed to indicate that American troop withdrawals could be imminent. However, the number of soldiers who were actually battle-ready (as opposed to the number of Iraqis who donned a military uniform in order to make some money, or just get away from the constant painful moaning of their wounded family members) turned out to be much smaller than reported.
“The numbers have a story to tell us,” American Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld stated, “if only I could put my finger on what it is…”
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
Torturing Logic Is Just The Beginning
Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin stated: “Canada may be increasingly targeted by terrorists who don’t like us sending troops to Afghanistan but we’re going to send additional troops to keep the peace in Afghanistan because we have to root out the terrorists who hate our freedoms and are threatening to attack us.”
Then, he tooks his meds and started smiling again.
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
Could It Finally Be The End Of…The Jokes?
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
Personally, I’m Offended By Their Offense
British civil servants have decided to stop using the term “brainstorming,” claiming that it is offensive to people with brain disorders. The new term they plan on using is: “thought showers.”
Meteorologists have responded by complaining that the term thought showers is offensive to anybody who has been stuck in the rain without an umbrella and has gotten soaked.
I don’t understand this controversy over terms for thinking – it’s not like anybody appears to actually be doing any.
SOURCE: The Quick and the Detwiler
Playback’s a Bitch
A new Fox lawyer show called Head Cases bears more than a passing resemblance to an existing Canadian series called This is Wonderland. This is similar to the situation a few years ago when an American show called Cold Case bore an uncanny resemblance to a Canadian series called Cold Squad.
The producers of the American show claim that they couldn’t be ripping off the Canadian show because “it’s well known that nobody watches Canadian television.” In response, everybody involved shrugged knowingly and turned their attention to something else.
SOURCE: EEE!Talk
Because Sometimes Diplomacy Really Isn’t The Answer
NASA researchers are concerned that 600 metre wide asteroid 99942 Apophis will crash into the earth in 2036. Scientists are considering various methods to avert this disaster. The most promising so far is to send John Bolton out to greet the asteroid before it gets too close.
SOURCE: Scientific Canadian
Agreeing To Not Agree
The United States, Australia, Japan, China, India and South Korea have just concluded an historic agreement to put an end to agreements on climate change. This agreement commits the countries to not entering into any future agreements that would protect the environment.
Australian Environment Minister Ian Campbell stated: “We needed something that undermined Kyoto but sounded like it actually committed our nations to an agenda of action. This agreement may not be perfect, but it does further our goals of ensuring that nothing is done to combat climate change.”
Critics of the agreement point out that it contains no incentives for action, no punishments for inaction and no real timetable. If any of the signatory countries was to backslide and enter into an international agreement to combat climate change, there would be little any of the remaining countries could do.
“The point was to give us the maximum flexibility,” Campbell explained. “But, the idea that a member nation would break the terms of this agreement to end all agreements, well, who in their right mind would do such a thing?”
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
What’s Your Percodamnage?
Infamous film bad guy Darth Vader has checked into rehab at an undisclosed location, his representatives have confirmed. Vader had been found abusing prescription drugs after it was announced that his light sabre sold at auction for almost $100,000 less than the light sabre used by hero Luke Skywalker.
“I don’t understand it,” Vader is reported to have complained before entering rehab. “The villain is always more interesting than the hero. How could something like this happen? It isn’t fair! It isn’t fair, I tell you! Where’s my Percodan? Where’s my damn Percodan!”
Vader is reportedly in stable condition. His representative said that it’s only a matter of time before he is up and about and threatening star systems once again.
SOURCE: Peephole
