The Daily Me: Sissy Hankshaw

Are you cut out to be the American ambassador to a foreign country? Take the John Negroponte vision test to find out! Simply look at the eye chart below; if you can read anything below the fourth line, you're looking too hard. Turn your head away and try again. If you still see anything below the fourth line, perhaps a career as American ambassador to a foreign country is not a job for you.

SOURCE: The Non-existent Pages

Going into the federal elections, the smart money was that it was Liberal leader Paul martin's to lose. And, indeed, it looked for a while that he would live down to this as Conservative Party leader Stephen Harper was projected to win at least a minority government. But, the pundits and pollsters didn't reckon on the Conservative Party's ability to self-destruct within days of the polls. The following chart shows how the different party leaders approached losing the election.

Clearly, the Conservatives wanted to lose the election more. And, so they did.

SOURCE: Politics For Dummies

Monday: Have you ever noticed that the more idiot-proof you make something, the more idiots are the only people who want to use it?

Tuesday: Why is it most politicians now see getting elected as their opportunity to self-serve?

Wednesday: Would Portia have been happier with a Porsche?

Thursday: Just connect...to the Internet for as little as $19.95 a month.

Friday: Have you ever noticed that statements of fact seem more engaging when posed in the form of questions?

Saturday: If you move away from your home on Rodeo Drive, should you say you lived on Rodeo Drove?

Sunday: Would more people listen to him if god had a blog?

SOURCE: Random Thoughts and Blood Clots

The Greek victory at the World Cup of Soccer has united Canada's diverse ethnic communities like no other event. All of us, no matter what our background, would like to congratulate the Greek team and ask COULD YOU PLEASE STOP THAT DAMN HONKING!

SOURCE: The Schwartz Sports Report

United States Vice President Dick "Write If You Get Work" Cheney surfaced for a few moments last week to tell Democratic Senators to "fuck yourselves." Now we know why he has spent so little time in public: he sets a bad example for children!

SOURCE: Late Tonight with David Lenoman

Four men are suing the Wayans brothers, claiming the comedians stole their original idea when they made the film White Chicks, which is about a pair of black police officers who pose as white debutantes to bust a crime ring. Soon after, it was announced that Eddie Murphy was suing the four men, claiming that their spec script about a black FBI agent who impersonates a white man was stolen from an old Saturday Night Live sketch in which he starred. In response, Melvin van Peebles is said to be considering suing all of them for stealing the idea of cross-racial confusion from his film Watermelon Man. There were also rumours that heirs of William Shakespeare were planning on suing the Wayans brothers, claiming that cross-dressing was a theme that originated in a number of his plays, but that they decided against a lawsuit when they realized that White Chicks was so bad that no real artist would want credit for having it stolen from them.

SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now

The British House of Lords has decided that, rather than ban the spanking of children outright, they would allow moderate spanking but make it easier to prosecute parents whose spanking was immoderate. In order to know if your form of corporal punishment is within proper limits, the following guidelines were released:

After the age of 18, parents are recommended not to raise their hands to their children, as this would constitute assault, and if their children laid a complaint they could face criminal charges.

SOURCE: Disassociated Press

Republicans started attacking John Edwards the moment Democratic Presidential candidate John Kerry announced Edwards as his running mate. And, well they should. The outcome of the election is no longer a foregone conclusion. Now, George Bush is going to have to run against somebody with a pulse.

SOURCE: Late Tonight with David Lenoman

Robert Deluce, owner of a start-up airline, is suing the city of Toronto for scrapping the building of a bridge to the island airport. Deluce argues that, even though the city had no contract with him, its decision would adversely affect the viability of his airline. Lawyers see this opening up a whole new area of litigation: imaginary torts. Almost as tasty as the real thing, imaginary torts occur when third parties take actions which may undermine a business' ability to make money, even when the third party has no relationship to the business. "Say you own a store," lawyer Alan B. Shae-Starr explained, "and somebody walks past it without going in and buying something. You can sue them for undermining your business. The possibilities are...are..." Choked up, Shae-Starr asked for a tissue.

SOURCE: Business Law Daily