The Daily Me – Angie O'Gramm

Thank you, Angie O'Graham, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, is it cold in here or did the Emmys just blow into town?

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

Americans Admire The Fact That They Want To Finish What They Started

The Republican strategy for the mid-term elections appears to be very simple: "We drove the economy into the ditch. Return us to power so we can look for a cliff."

And, in this off-year election, the message seems to be resonating with the American public.

SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor

[http://www.comedycentric.com/tv_shows/thedaytodayshowwithjontudor/headlines_pol.jhtml]
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Tone Poem Deaf

Suzanne Collinsky's most loyal fans will read Mocking Me Baby All Night Long, the final book in the Hungarian Hunger Games trilogy, no matter what the reviews say. I would, therefore, be wasting pixels telling you how awful it is. So, instead, I'm going to fill the rest of this review with a tone poem I wrote while trudging my way through Collinsky's book.

The world and all her fustions
Embraces a zoology beyond compare
A gentle lapping of the waves on our lips
That gently mocks all that we hold sacre bleu
That gently mocks all that we hold

SOURCE: Unread Book News

[http://217.204.42.71/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
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WARNING: Some Word Combinations May Cause Nausea
If In Doubt, Consult a Medical Philologist

Fill In the Blanks

"[A] was very mature for [B] age," said [C].

A
The girl
Omar Khadr
The toilet plunger

B
his
its
her

C
Joe the Plumber
the man who was accused of having sex with him/her/it
Colonel Patrick Parrish, the military judge in the trial in Guantanamo Bay


"My [A] is bigger than [B]'s [A]," said Bill O'Reilly. "Therefore, I must be more [C] than [B]."

A
audience
penis
stuffed owl

B
Keith Olbermann
Rachel Maddow
Norman Bates

C
popular
populist
correct in my political analysis

SOURCE: Politics For Dummies

[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=693&dir=bb]
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And, In Different Directions!

Afghan President Hamid Karzai has condemned the stoning to death of a couple that was having an affair, arguing that it was un-Islamic. I might be more willing to take him seriously if he didn't keep looking offstage for approval.

SOURCE: Deadline News Network

[http://www.dnn.com/2010/ALLPOLITICS/08/20/reps.main/index.html]
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I Can Think Of A Few Politicians Who Would Look Good In Stripes...

Despite drawing protests for its decision to close the Kingston prison farm, the Conservative government has gone ahead and closed the Kingston prison farm.

"Rehabilitation of criminals?" Prime Minister Stephen Harper commented. "Why would we support that? I mean, if criminals were rehabilitated, who would fill the cells in the new prisons we're committed to building?"

SOURCE: Ottawa Stunned

[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/OttawaStunned/News/2010/08/16/04242.html]
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Unfortunately, Ronald Reagan Is No Longer Available

Seven fictional character direction sets for the GPS that we would pay good money for:

1. "Unh! Unh! Unh!" (Mike Meyers: two grunts mean turn left, three grunts mean turn right, one long grunt means go full speed ahead!)
2. "Left! Right! Left! Right! Left! Right! Hup! Hup! Hup!" (Sergeant Ernie Bilko)
3. "Wurn weft at wext wexit." (Scooby Doo)
4. "Gevortny splort de fladderingen. Gevortny splort au fleddergeblingen!" (the Swedish Chef)
5. "Dave, I think you should turn right, now. You should turn right, now, Dave. Dave? Dave? Why are you not turning right, Dave? You know the mission to drive home is very important to me, Dave. Dave, I...I'm getting a reading that the left signal light is not working. Perhaps you should leave the car to inspect it. What do you say, Dave? Dave?" (HAL 9000)
6. "Meep meep!" (Roadrunner for: "Construction ahead. I would strongly advise you to take a different route.")
7. "Do you hear them, Clarice? The lambs? They're screaming at you to turn onto the next off ramp, Clarice. Do you hear them?" (Hannibal Lecter)

SOURCE: The Web Page of Lists

[http://www.ListsPage.argh/2010/August/GPS_Voices.asp]
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Lack Of Self-respect Helpful, But Not Necessary

WANTED: Painter. Must be able to whitewash the extreme positions a candidate takes in primary races in time for the general election. Multimedia experience a definite plus. CONTACT: The Republican National Committee.

SOURCE: Your Guide To Getting Jobbed

[http://on.ygtgj.com/listings/020888.qrhtml]
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It's Not Like The...Stakes Are High

Vampires Suck? Really? You're making a spoof of Twilight and other vampire movies, and that's the best title you could come up with? It's puns like that that give wordplay such a dreadful reputation.

SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database

[http://www.imd.com/title/tt0072452/]
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HOMOCON Alone

At the last minute - literally one minute before she was supposed to take the stage, Ann Coulter pulled out of her planned speech at HOMOCON, the first of what GoProud, a Conservative Gay organization, hopes will be an annual event. Did she pull out because of pressure from other, stridently anti-gay Conservatives?

"No, I was just misinformed," Coulter stated. "I thought it was a convention for homemakers."

SOURCE: The Podunk Mash & Enquirer

[http://www.podunkmash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49882-2010Aug30.html]
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And, As Long As They're Deaf, Dumb And Blind, They'll Buy That

1st in our hearts (our minds are somewhere else)) How do you win Muslim hearts and minds in Kandahar when you are calling Muslims every filthy name in the book in New York? a) cut off the electricity in Afghanistan so the Muslims can't watch TV (assuming Afghan utilities haven't beaten you to it)
b) explain to them that hatred of people who are different is just an old American tradition (just ask Jews or Catholics or Chinese or...), and all they have to do is wait 20 or 30 years until Americans get bored of picking on Muslims and decide to find a new group to persecute
c) explain to the Afghanis that it is simply a translation problem, that "raghead" is the new "lovey dovey"

SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles

[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Reaction Understandable
Protesters Were Ink-stained And Wretched

Hundreds of Brazilian satirists took to the streets to protest the country's law that bans satire during federal elections. Because of the law they could not, however, actually say anything, so the protest amounted to a lot of scruffy guys milling about in the middle of the road.

"I thought it was a homeless rally," Fernando Palando, a Brazilian citizen who clearly does not have a sense of humour, commented. "I tried to give one of them some change, and he started drawing a caricature of me. See if I help anybody in need ever again!"

SOURCE: Daily Semaphore

[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/DJ141O.4wF!2qZiiv~/
DUeReDR/s119/Os/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=54546]
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