Thank you, Belgra Demitu, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we watched the saga of the missing balloon boy on television. We were riveted by the possibility that a six year old could have died a horrible death falling out of a balloon. Then, we were disgusted at ourselves for being so fascinated by this spectacle. But, then, we were relieved that the boy showed up safe and sound at home. We were suspicious, of course, but in a relieved way. Then, as it slowly became apparent that the whole thing was a hoax, we were outraged. But, of course, we were more embarrassed that we had wasted so much time following a self-serving promotion for a potential reality TV show. Then, we were embarrassed by being embarrassed. Then, we were amused that we had been embarrassed by being embarrassed. Then, we were confused. All in all, we were so emotionally wrung out we had to go home and lie down - we haven't felt so many emotions in a single day since Aunt Gertie slapped a bellboy at the MGM Grand and Toy!
Enjoy,Hurt Feelings Are A Pre-existing Condition
Q: What will the insurance industry do if the Baucus health reform bill is passed?
A: Raise premiums.
Q: What will the insurance industry do if the Baucus health reform bill is not passed?
A: Raise premiums.
Q: What does the government need to do to ensure that the insurance industry will not raise premiums?
A: You're really cynical, you know?
Q: How do you think I got that way?
A: Okay, now you're just being mean.
SOURCE: The Medical Industrial Complex
[http://www.medical-industrial-complex.org/journals/micx/skys_the_limit_syndrome/secure/2_pds.htm]
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Oh, Blog Off!
That's the problem with American politics. Progressives are afraid that President Obama's achievements won't match his rhetoric. Conservatives are afraid that it will.
SOURCE: The Quick and the Detwiler
[http://quick&detwiler.blogspot.com/]
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And, Your Great-grandchildren Will Never Know The Horror
November 1. International Destroy Your Home Videos Day. You know they're an embarrassment on so many levels. Just do it. Do it today. If not today, do it soon. Your grandchildren will thank you.
SOURCE: The Non-existent Pages
[http://www.utopia.tv/erewhon/index.html]
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Some Translations Are Looser Than Others
Rupert Murdoch recently insisted that China tighten intellectual property protections so that media may expand, as well as calling on the nation to allow more competition in the media sector of the economy.
"Aww, who does he think he is?" asked Beijing Communist Party Chairrman Go Fuk-Sef with a lot of comical hand-waving. "The American government has been begging China to let its currency rise for over a decade. No dice. And, we're supposed to take advice from the man who gave the world B Sky B?
"Really, what can Murdoch do? Get Glenn Beck to cry at us? Oh, no! Get me President Hu on the phone immediately!"
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.nobc.com/Weekends/video/play.shtml?mea=227227]
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Also Coming: Press Release About Roundness Of Earth And Presidential Address On Importance Of Breathing To Continued Good Health
SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1333532938]
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It Isn't As Effective As A Direct Economic Stimulus, But We Just Can't Help Ourselves...Really...We Need An Intervention - Just Not In The Form Of An Election
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Hope Is A Preexisting Condition
INT. UPSCALE WINE BAR - DAY
LEM: I believe that Barack Obama will step in and demand that Congress pass a health care bill with a robust public option.
CLEM: What are you talking about? Health care reform passed nine years ago, with penalties for people who did not buy insurance that have sent a third of the population to jail, but no public option.
LEM: It's never too late.
CLEM: The Democrats lost their majority in the Senate in 2010 and the House in 2012 - the Republicans are in charge, and they oppose any kind of public option.
LEM: Obama's just playing three dimensional chess with them - when the time is right, he will act.
CLEM: It's 2018. Obama has been out of office for two years!
LEM: Are you intentionally trying to kill my hope?
PAUSE.
LEM: Any day now, I believe Barack Obama will end Don't Ask Don't Tell.
CLEM: Aaaargh!
SOURCE: Weekends!
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFFPQFMQMFSI5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s119/Os/
14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=87879]
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Is Getting Out More Even An Option For You Guys Any More?
Marge Simpson as a Playboy centrefold? Really? She may be a MILF in Springfield, but, frankly, if Playboy is going to go toon (and, let's be honest: sooner or later, every porn mag will have to), there are better options. Here are our staff pics for top three toons we would most like to see in a Playboy centrefold spread:
3. Ashley Bengal (My Cage). Some people would have gone with Maureen - how blondcentric of them! Ashley has it all: slim. Dark hair. Intelligence. Attitude. A tail. Fur. She's a tiger - literally! We're not sure what to make of the big cross on her chest, but the consensus of our staff is that we wouldn't put up a fight if she wanted to convert us!
2. Miriam (Out There). Miriam is a redhead, and you know what they say about redheads! (And, if you do, could you please let us know, because there was some disagreement on this point in the office.) She was an alcoholic who liked to party and get down and dirty, if you know what we mean. (And, if you do, could you please let us know, because there was some disagreement on this point in the office, too.) Miriam is trying to go straight, but, considering how hot she is, we won't hold that against her!
1. Kranti (Minimum Security). When Kranti renounced the textiles industry and started wearing leaves, well! - every man in the office just about died! She's like a white Josephine Baker...anarchist chick. And, the best part is, the costume allowance for her shoot would be minimal. Really minimal. Hugh, are you listening to your loyal readers?
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/091001/geeklynews/01staff...inda.htm]
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