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NSA Headquarters?
After 35 years, Eddie Doyle has been laid off from the Boston pub that inspired the television show Cheers. Now where can he go where everybody knows his name?
SOURCE: The Amazing Chocolate Yummies Blog
[http://www.chocoyummies.net/]
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You Believed Your Own Campaign Rhetoric About Hope And Change?
Alfredo Sousey has been confirmed as President Barack Obama's head of the National Intelligence Council, which oversees the production of National Intelligence Estimates on threats facing the United States. During his confirmation hearings, Sousey revealed that he believes that unicorns live in recycling bins, aliens control Keith Olbermann's brain and are using him to undermine Arctic oil drilling, and vitamin B causes incontinence in stock brokers.
"Alfredo Sousey is the perfect man for the position" Senator Joseph Lieberman gushed. "He supports the right of the state of Israel to defend itself by any means necessary – any positions he may hold on other issues are irrelevant!"
President Obama was overheard moaning, "Why did I want this job again?"
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2009April15.html]
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Putting The Bitch Back In Obituary
Match the quote with the source:
a) "There is a Life Network. So, why not a Death Network? Seriously. Why not a Death Network? Were you aware that over 1,000 people die every single day? Okay, sure, most of them are children in countries whose names you've never even heard of (the countries, not the - well, actually, the children, too). Still, enough people die in developed nations each week to ensure that some of them will be celebrities, and we all know how popular celebrities and death are."SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Mad, Bad And Dangerous To Know Money
JON TUDOR: I'm saying that business journalists have more often acted like cheerleaders than reporters.
JIM CRAMER: No, now, I don't think that's entirely fair.
TUDOR: Then, why are you wearing a cheerleader's uniform?
CRAMER: Look, I'm not saying we're perfect – I'm not saying I'm perfect. The cheerleader's costume? Okay. That was a mistake. My wardrobe people said it was a good look for me -
TUDOR: To be fair, the short skirt does show off the attractiveness of your legs.
CRAMER: Oh, thank you. They told me it was a good look for me, and I believed them. How was I to know that they were lying to me?
TUDOR: You couldn't look in the mirror?
CRAMER: I've worked alongside them for decades. Some of these people have been my friends for 20 years. I didn't think they would lie to me. Now, I know better.
TUDOR: Okay. What about the pompoms?
CRAMER: Yeah. About that. Look, when the economy is going well, pompoms are a great accessory, they basically go with everything. And, the stock market had been growing at a phenomenal rate since 2002. I know pompoms go out of style in a recession, but I kept them because I didn't believe the ride was over. We all kept the pompoms because none of us wanted to believe the ride was over.
TUDOR: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!
CRAMER: Oh...right. Did I say I was sorry for the cheerleader's uniform?
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor
[http://www.comedycentric.com/tv_shows/thedaytodayshowwithjontudor/interview_pol.jhtml]
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This Headline Would Like AIPAC To Know That It Has Nothing To Do With The Following Article
I was considering writing about the impending charges of rape against former Israeli President Moshe Katsav. But, that would be anti-Semitic.
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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It's Ox Has Never Been So Flummed
According to the New York Times, Republicans are trying to dissuade Senator Jim Bunning of Kentucky from running for reelection in 2010 because "his paltry fund-raising, declining approval ratings and irascible conduct have made him something between vulnerable and unelectable."
The Absurd Ironyometer believes it has reached the end of language's ability to convey the absurdity of human existence. Time to go into politics.
SOURCE: Big Alex' Domesday Countdown Page
[http://www.allaboutalex.wha/Domesday/new]
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High Definition, Low Consumer Confidence
As part of an FCC mandate, CNBC, FBC and other business channels are about to switch over to high definition broadcasts.
Do we, however, really need high definition business news? Will Jim Cramer's bad stock recommendations be better if we can see the pores of his nose? Will Becky Quick's softball interviews with corporate flacks seem more hard-hitting if her smile reveals all her caps (and, not the market kind, either)? Will Neil Cavuto make more sense if we can see every drop of spittle fly from his mouth?
I have my doubts.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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The Vatican Street Has Its Own Uses For Technology, My Child
Pope Earl the Undignified has claimed that the Home Universe GeneratorTM proves many of the controversial teachings of the Catholic Church. "We have always maintained that thinking bad thoughts is sinful," the Pope wrote in Miraculo Technologicum (The Miraculous Technological Hokum). "The Home Universe GeneratorTM proves it, since any sin you can imagine in this universe is a sin you have actually done in some other universe."
Following this logic, the Pope went on to argue in favour of the Church's longstanding policy that we are all sinners. "Even if we have not sinned in this universe," he wrote, "even if we have not thought about sinning in this universe, we have sinned in some universe, somewhere, and that's good enough for God!"
Since Christopher Hitchens head had previously exploded, Richard Dawkins kindly agreed to read the Pope's statement. His head duly exploded.
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=32322641314641314687fx]
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