Thank you, Mona Montrois, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Did you know that, nine times out of 10, people are bullshitting you when they start a sentence with the phrase "did you know?"
Enjoy,Maddow...Maddow - Isn't That Pottsylvanian For Communist Cunnilingis?
Fox News commentator Tim Graham recently called MSNBC's Rachel Maddow a "Lesbian Air America host" to the chuckles of the anchors on the air.
Maddow responded: "Frankly, I'm disappointed. Is that all you've got, Tim? Really? I'm proud of everything that you're 'accusing' me of. I mean, couldn't you welcome me to prime time with some outrageous lies about my personal life? Taking something I said completely out of context to make me look evil? Anything? It's like you weren't even trying to be offensive. Like I said: disappointing."
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp'referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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And, Isn't That Something All Little Girls Dream Of Being?
Q: Does the warm reception for Sarah Palin's unwed daughter at the Republican National Convention signal that the GOP has changed its position on the subject?
A: Absolutely! Time was that if you were with child out of wedlock, you would be vilified by the GOP. They would accuse your parents of not being fit to raise you, and they would condemn you and your unborn child to an eternity of hellfire. Now, you are no longer forced to wear a scarlet letter...as long as you are the daughter of a Republican Vice Presidential candidate.
SOURCE: The Quick and the Detwiler
[http://quick&detwiler.blogspot.com/]
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Other Than The Fact That I Know A Bit Of Shakespeare, What Have We Learned From All Of This?
Alas, poor David Foster Wallace. I knew him, Horatio. A man of Infinite Jest.
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Give, Give With All Your Heart, So That No Child Has To Go To Bed Embarrassed
When I was a kid, whenever somebody said the phrase "piece of cake," I thought they said "pizza-cake." I imagined being served slices of devil's food cake on a thin crust with a bit of tomato sauce. Or, maybe triple chocolate mousse on a pizza. Or, ice cream cake on pepperoni!
Yum!
Okay, maybe I didn't really think that. But, it does bring up the subject of early childhood hearing loss - expect a mailout asking for donations to my foundation to fight this affliction soon.
SOURCE: The Amazing Chocolate Yummies Blog
[http://www.chocoyummies.net/]
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Palin's Not Ignorant! She's A Surrealist!
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Death By Deregulation - Sounds Like An Agatha Christie Novel
Differences between Canadians and Americans, #327: Americans are wimps. When American right-wing governments deregulate industries, like the financial sector, their economy collapses. When Canadian right-wing governments deregulate industries, like water and food safety, people actually die! Say what you want about Canadian governments, but you don't see the Americans directly killing their own citizens with deregulation!
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
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Humour For Grade Twelve Chemistry Students
Helium is inert. Its friends on the periodic table have begged it to get off its ass and do something with its life, but to no avail. Oxygen has thrown up its hands in despair and drifted away. Lead shouts at it to do an honesty day's work, but the metal's approach is too heavy-handed. Hydrogen wants to keep at it, but, of course, hydrogen has its own problems (it's a bit of a hothead).
Sound familiar?
SOURCE: Michelle's Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
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Aww, Peanuts To You!
I get it. Really, I do. Stephane Dion is the Charlie Brown of Canadian politics. He is playing the pathetic card. Every time the Conservatives attack him, he pouts and mutters "Good grief!", figuring the hearts of Canadians will melt in sympathy.
Somebody needs to explain to him that it isn't a football that Stephen van Pelt pulls away from him just as he's about to kick it. It's universal health care!
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20080922.eladvote09222_@/BNStory/newsElectionCatastrophe2008/]
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Super Troopergate
On September 2, just a day before she accepted the GOP nomination, Sarah Palin took the unusual step of filing an ethics complaint against herself in the affair that has come to be known as Troopergate. Since she appointed the three members of the state personnel board who would investigate her complaint, she could expect their investigation to go nowhere while derailing the state's independent investigation.
Of course, she immediately denounced herself as sexist, claiming that she was conducting a witch hunt against herself because she couldn't stand the idea of a woman in a position of authority. McCain campaign representatives, gamely running with this new line, accused Palin of harbouring a personal grudge against Palin for many years.
The attack ads are expected by the end of the week.
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/national/2008-09-15-palin_v_palin_x.htm]
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They Were Both Acting With Their Hair On This One
Righteous Buzzkill. Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro share a lot of scenes for the first time in the history of cinema, and this is the best movie they could do it in?
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
[http://www.imd.com/title/tt0073368/]
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Some Canadians Still Have Souls...
Stephen Harper has said that, if given a majority, he would further loosen restrictions on foreign ownership of Canadian companies. What's left to sell?
SOURCE: aye Weakly
[http://www.aye.net/]
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Why Should The Americans Have All The Fun?
SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=2256533886]
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A Difference That Makes...That Makes No...A Different No...Different Strokes...Fooled Again!
In an article last week, we reported that Sarah Palin had been a member of the Alaska Independence Party, whose aim is to hold a vote in the state over whether it should secede from the union. Apparently, this was incorrect.
Palin did give a speech to the 2008 convention of the group, in the course of which she told them to "keep up the good work." But, unlike her husband, "First Dude" Todd, she was never actually a member. We apologize to anybody who believes that this really makes a difference.
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49841-2008Sep19.html]
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