Thank you, Limited Edition Watches, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we were hit with 50 centimetres of snow and couldn’t possibly come into the office. Okay, sure, our offices are in Mumbai, which hasn’t seen 50 centimetres of snow since the ice age, but, dammit, there must be 50 centimetres of snow somewhere in the world, and that’s good enough for us!
Enjoy,Let The Champagne And Nuclear Isotopes Flow!
The Harper government – showing that it has the courage not to be bound by silly bureaucratic rules – has overruled the Canadian Nuclear Safety Commission, which shut down Chalk River nuclear reactor because of fears that the lack of a backup generator on a crucial pump could lead to a nuclear disaster. The facility was a primary supplier of isotopes used in medical procedures in hospitals throughout Canada and the United States.
Getting the hospitals what they needed was one positive outcome of the legislation. Another is that, if a nuclear disaster killed a million Ontarians, all Canadians would finally be represented equally in the federal government’s proposed legislation for adding seats to the House of Commons.
Talk about a win-win situation!
SOURCE: The National Whipping Post
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/news/story.html?ia=0ec0ecda-b4e6-4c77-bf9b-07b331cc48ec]
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That’ll Be One Hell Of An Obituary
Late capitalism? I didn’t even know capitalism was sick.
SOURCE: The Amazing Chocolate Yummies Blog
[http://www.chocoyummies.net/]
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Where Is Alison Janney When You Need Her?
Dana Baiting: Making a historical analogy that goes over the head of Chief White House Spokesperson Dana Perino. EXAMPLE:
JOURNALIST: Dana, do you think Vladimir Putin’s equation of the President’s plan for a missile shield in Europe with the Cuban missile crisis was valid?
PERINO: There was a Cuban missile crisis?
JOURNALIST: Let’s start with the basics. You know about Cuba…right?
PERINO: Don’t be silly. It’s a…an island. Somewhere.
SECOND JOURNALIST: What about the recently concluded Bali negotiations on the environment? Do you think the results were better or worse than the Treaty of Ghent?
PERINO: (smiling) Aww, Bill, now you’re just being mean!
SOURCE: Michelle’s Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
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We Thought You Just Had A Secret Bile Factory In Your Gut
Here's what many parents and grandparents do not understand: The Internet is profoundly changing the behavior of American children and stunting their emotional growth. Many eight year-olds are now exposed to things that 13 year-olds didn't know just a decade ago. This means that six year-olds are much more experienced now than eight year-olds were then. But, it doesn’t stop there. Good lord, if only it stopped there, it might be bearable. But today’s two year-olds are much more knowledgeable about things that only six year-olds should know, and only six year-olds did know a short, short decade ago. And, unborn children – do you have any idea what filth they’re exposed to?
And, people wonder why I’m angry all the time.
SOURCE: The O’Meilly Factor
[http://www.foxynews.com/story/0,2773,96538,00.html]
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Suddenly, Hugo Chavez Makes Sense
In a new report, the International Monetary Fund has urged Canada to drop its limits on the foreign ownership of Canadian companies. Given the already hollowed out nature of the country’s business sector, this is akin to soldiers walking through the battlefield shooting the wounded to make sure they’re dead.
The report singled out the country’s banking sector as needing immediate reform. Of course. Nothing would benefit Canada more than having one of the most stable banking systems in the world become more exposed to the subprime mortgage fiasco, to Enron and to all of the corporate…unpleasantness still to come.
With such sound advice, it’s a wonder why the IMF has lost most of Latin America.
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/69.htm]
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Poll Dancing
Prime Minister Stephen Harper rejected the report by Daniel Paille that his government conducts polling more often than previous Liberal governments. “546 polls in the past year alone?” Harper mused. “Do you find that: a) absurd; b) ridiculous; c) politics as usual, so what’s the big deal?”
The big deal was that Harper thought he could portray the Conservatives as different from the Liberals, who used polls to drive policy. “Do I think it’s appropriate for a political party to use taxpayer funds for political advantage?” Harper asked. “A) no; b) absolutely not; c) I’m a politician, what do you expect?”
SOURCE: Festerin’ Report
[http://www.ax2grindnet.com/festerinreport/web/feature2.html]
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Probably Not The Message The Commissioner Had In Mind
The results of an investigation into illegal drug use in professional baseball indicate that as many as 80 players, including many future Hall of Famers, used them. This sends a clear message to the rest of the players.
If you aren’t using performance enhancing drugs, you’re a sucker who isn’t going to get very far in major league baseball.
SOURCE: The Schwartz Sports Report
[http://www.schwartzsportsreport.com/ssr-news.shtml#56238133665]
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WARNING: Byzantine Narrative Structure Guaranteed To Give You A Headache
Before the Devil Knows You Wear Prada. Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Ethan Hawke and Meryl Streep star in this dark romp about two troubled men who plan a heist of their parent’s fashion magazine. They have to deal with the consequences when the heist goes wrong and the editor’s assistant (Anne Hathaway) is unexpectedly killed.
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
[http://www.imd.com/title/tt0078250/]
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Against Bozo The Clown
The United States opened its airspace to Turkish fighter planes, allowing them to bomb what they claimed were Kurdish terrorists hiding out in Northern Iraq. It is also possible that the Americans gave the Turks intelligence on the location of the Kurdish separatists.
It’s like Iraq is a game of three dimensional chess, and the Bush administration thinks it’s playing checkers.
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DPereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s119/Os/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=21313]
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The Building Has Left Harry Stinson
Harry Stinson’s dream of a Sapphire phallic symbol dominating the Toronto skyline has been sold to the highest bidder. The proceeds from the sale will be used to pay investors and creditors in the phallic symbol that was once slated to be the tallest in the city.
“We are very excited and very conscious that this is the last remaining developable site for a phallic symbol in the core,” the buyer said in an interview. “We want to do something very special.”
SOURCE: aye Weakly
[http://www.aye.net/]
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