Thank you, ????????? ????????, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we thought we might introduce you to delivery boy Alfonso de Trubshaw. Further then, somebody looked up from the penis enlargement spam that she says she was working diligently to remove from her hard drive and asked why a publication that is distributed by email needs a delivery boy. Hmm. We’ll have to ask Alfonso that the next time he comes in for his pay check…
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
If That Doesn’t Satisfy Some People, The Government Can Always Force Mail In Voters To Show Their Faces At Polling Booths
The Stephen Harper government has introduced an amendment to the Canada Elections Act that requires somebody who shows up at a polling booth to show their face before they are allowed to vote. This is not a racist slap at Muslim women who wear Hijabs, a veil that covers their face for religious reasons, the government insisted, since everybody who votes will be treated equally. The roughly 80,000 Canadians who vote by mail will not be allowed to wear veils while they cast their ballot, either.
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like an Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
more
Turkish Non-delight
Turkish President Recep Erdogan refused to name a date for retaliation against Kurdish rebels in Iraq who had been attacking his country. “We can’t say when or how we will do it. We will just do it,” Erdogan stated.
Nike immediately sued him for copyright infringement.
SOURCE: The Financial Riposte
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/financialriposte/story.html?id=49wwccw7-f6f3-4f4f-9f25-a2eb4ff6a528]
more
For A Cultural Nationalist, That Stings
According to Blender Magazine, Rush drummer Neil Peart was the second worst lyricist in rock, beaten only by Sting of the Police. Response from Rush fans was immediate and vehement.
“Sucks, man! Rush is number one!”
“Are you [EXPLETIVE] serious? The suckass Police are not better at Rush than anything!”
“[EXPLETIVE] [EXPLETIVE] [EXPLETIVE], man! Sting couldn’t [EXPLETIVE] the [EXPLETIVE] [EXPLETIVE] [EXPLETIVE] of Neil Peart. Rush [EXPLETIVE] rules!”
You have to admire their dedication, although you might wonder if they’re entirely clear on the concept.
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now, Canada
[http://www.canada.com/globulltv/globullshows/ern_canada.html]
more
Too Bad Jagrup Singh Only Invoked His Right To Silence 18 Times – If He Had Reached 20, He Would Have Won An All Expenses Paid Trip To The Superbowl
SOURCE: The Smoking Gut
[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/1080960245374786cahs01.html]
more
Condemnation If Necessary, But Not Necessarily Condemnation
Pakistan’s President General Pervez Musharraf has suspended his country’s constitution, fired the country’s chief judge, cut phone lines in the capital Islamabad and forced all but state run Pakistan Television off the airways. I guess those debates about whether or not Musharraf should continue to wear his military uniform if he won the next election, scheduled for January, are kind of moot.
Musharraf’s moves do cause a problem for the United States. When we give Pakistan its monthly check for helping us out in the war in Iraq, do we make it out to “President for Life” or “Dear Leader?”
SOURCE: The Surrealist
[http://www.paulcrassner.com/new.htm]
more
There Are Only So Many Violent Atrocities You Can Do To A Human Body – After That, You Have To Get Creative
A man in a private hostel in Ayr, Scotland has been charged with having sex with his bicycle after he was discovered in the act by two terrified cleaners. Eli Roth immediately offered to buy the rights to the story.
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2007/2007/11/03/bscaredb2scared/]
more
CAW’ll Be Waiting
The Canadian Auto Workers (CAW) has signed an historic agreement with Magna, International which will give the union the freedom to sign up workers while at the same time giving Magna a guarantee that they will not strike. So, the CAW can have as many members as it wants, it just won’t have the power to do anything for them.
This is progress.
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/68.htm]
more
They Believe They Already Have Immunity From Criticism
I Just Do (Wouldn’t You?)
I want immunity from prosecution for war crimes.
Have you committed war crimes?
NO!
Then, why do you want immunity?
I just do.
I want immunity from prosecution for war crimes.
Do you plan on committing war crimes?
NO!
Then, why do you want immunity?
I just do.
I want immunity from prosecution for war crimes.
Are you being accused of committing war crimes?
NO!
Then, why do you want immunity?
I just do.
I want immunity from prosecution for war crimes.
Do you expect that somebody will accuse you of committing war crimes?
NO!
Then, why do you want immunity?
I just do.
I want immunity from prosecution for war crimes.
Could somebody misconstrue things that you have done as war crimes?
NO!
Then, why do you want immunity?
I just do.
I want immunity from prosecution for war crimes.
Do you expect that somebody will misconstrue things that you have done as crimes?
NO!
Then, why do you want immunity?
I just do.
Sounds good to me.
SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/206.html]
more
Making A Mochrie Of The Country
Thursday. 9:30. Global. Are You Dumber Than A Canadian Post? Colin Mochrie is the host of a Canadian spin-off of an American game show that pits the knowledge of average adults against that of a tree stump. Can you guess who comes out looking better? (HINT: it’s not Colin Mochrie.)
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
more
After The Surrealists Turn Pro, They Strike For Better Moustaches
Oh, my [EXPLETIVE] what a week! Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf suspends the democratic niceties and declares martial law! The United States wastes no time in upping the inflammatory anti-government rhetoric and tightening the noose around…Iran! Meanwhile, Turkey’s massed troops along its border are a dirty look away from invading the Kurdish part of Iraq! And…wait…there’s something else…oh, yeah: Israeli and Palestinian peace talks look doomed…AGAIN! Could this be it? Is the tinderbox that is the Middle East– where everybody has lit matches because the electricity only works for two hours a day – finally going to ignite into the third World War that the Bush administration has been talking up?
I can’t tell you! …because the writers have gone on strike in Hollywood and this show is actually a rerun.
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor
[http://www.comedycentric.com/tv_shows/thedaytodayshowwithjontudor/specialimaginarystrikeepisode_pol.jhtml]
more