The magic of government sponsored trips to war zones.
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Enjoy,Wow. Déjà Vu…Or, Did I Just Say That?
Feel like you’re playing the same computer game over and over and over again? Use the simple guide below to determine if the game you’re thinking of buying is too similar to games you’ve played before:
The [Power Amulet of Rogan Seth/Power Generator of Alpha Centauri/Higher Power Sav’r] has gone missing from the [Shire of the Two Toed Sloths/Mercator Labs/Thirty-second Level of Hell]! If you do not find it before he does, the evil [Lord Deval Trom/man in grey who represents an unnamed corporation that may or may not be working with or for the government/K’Tang, leader of the undead] will use it to [consolidate his rule over all of living creatures in Three Quarters Earth/destroy resistance to the Zoltran Galactic Empire/unleash the armies of undead hamsters upon the world]!
You are the only person who can stop [him/it/them]! Are you up to it?
SOURCE: Gamer Bois Mag
[http://boiswillbe.com#ipo_article=26]
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Third Degree Bernier
Foreign Affairs Minister Maxime Bernier claims that his recent trip to Kabul proves that conditions in Afghanistan are improving.
“When we were there last, we needed 27 guards, a convey of 8 vehicles and two helicopters to travel around the block,” Bernier said. “This time, we only needed 21 guards, 6 vehicles and a single helicopter. And, we didn’t even really need the helicopter, but you know how cautious [General] Rick [Hillier] can be!”
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20071002.eladvote1002_@/BNStory/newsHillierOfBeans2007/]
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And, That’s Just Hillary
Al Gore winning the Nobel Peace Prize for his work on climate change has encouraged speculation that he will run for President again. His opponents are already starting rumours that he “exaggerated” his Nobel Prize – he actually came in third – and the Oscar he won for An Inconvenient Truth was actually for best hair in a documentary, not best film in the category as he – and the Academy – claimed.
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/living/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1265749808863460.xml]
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Nickel For Your Thoughts?
Toronto Mayor David Miller’s one cent campaign to get more funding for the city is finally gaining momentum. He shouldn’t be put off by the fact that the Royal Mint of Canada phased out pennies over five years ago.
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=32322559314641317287fx]
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Rules Of Engagement, # 237: Don’t Torture People In Front Of Your Fiancee’s Parents
A former commander at the Iraqi jail in which Saddam Hussein was held is on trial for providing a cellphone to detainees and approving buying Cuban cigars for Hussein. Apparently, he should have shoved the cellphones up the detainees asses and burned Hussein with one of the cigars when they were lit. But, to be fair, with the President saying “We don’t torture people” all the time, you can’t fault the commander for being confused about the rules of engagement.
SOURCE: The Day to Day Show, with Jon Tudor
[http://www.comedycentric.com/tv_shows/thedaytodayshowwithjontudor/headlines_pol.jhtml]
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Does Too Clever By Half Mean One Clever?
Prime Minister Stephen Harper has established a committee to look into Canada’s role in the Afghan war. The non-partisan nature of the committee got a boost from the announcement of Liberal John Manley as its chair. However, critics of the war suggest that the committee was stacked with pro-war advocates, including Manley.
“That’s nonsense,” responded committee member Attila the Hun. “We’re going to study the issue without any preconceived ideas. Isn’t that right, Adolf?”
SOURCE: Canadian Depress
[http://www.cd.org/english/youdothemath.htm]
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Osama, Yo Mama!
Top nine clues that you’re being played by Osama bin Laden:
9. In his latest tape, bin Laden says: “And, whatever you do, you mustn’t let Jim Hoohawton of Peoria leave his wife. Did you hear me? DON’T LET HIM LEAVE HIS WIFE!”SOURCE: Late Tonight With David Lenoman
[http://marketing.ubs.com/latetonight/latetonightshow/list]
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Haven’t Seen Those Rose Coloured Glasses Since The Sixties
SOURCE: Politics for Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=522&dir=bb]
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The Best Part? Harper Has Staff To Clean The Sheets After His Wet Dream
The Toronto Star has uncovered secret documents indicating that the Harper government plans to build its own media centre. This would allow it to completely control its communications with the media by bypassing the National Press Theatre, where press conferences and other meetings are usually held.
Not to be outdone, This 22 Minutes Feels Like an Hour has found super-secret documents that show that Harper plans to starts its on country. Canada 2, as it is called, will occupy the same land mass as Canada, but it will be filled with Conservative Party supporters and their friends in the media.
According to one document, Canada 2 will be “a free marketer’s dream where there are no poor people and unicorns frolic next to tar sands oil projects, where terrorists are real and invading foreign countries actually reduces the threat of them attacking Canada, where deferring to the desires of the United States is always the right thing to do because we will ultimately benefit…in the end…somehow…”
Can’t wait to live there!
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
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