Thank you, Seedha Sadha, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Have you ever played the online game Second Life? We thought it might be neat to set up an office there. In this virtual world, all of our staff could get corner offices – even the janitors! And, they’re so big! Philbo’s is the size of Kentucky! You need to get on a shuttle bus just to get from the door to his desk! And, they’re totally customizable! Jan in accounting decorated her office with a Hello Kitty theme, ensuring that nobody would bother her while she was desperately trying to figure out a workable revenue model for us. Edvward, an editor, decorated his office in late medieval chains and torture devices. Great fun! In fact, it took several days before anybody noticed that we were no longer working. Not to worry. MultiNatCorp should have our replacements up and running within a couple of weeks.
Enjoy,Indecent Preposition
People ask me how I can urge Congress to bring contempt charges against President Bush for refusing to comply with subpoenas for documents and blocking aides from testifying before Congressional committees when I have long expressed my own contempt for that institution. Simple. Bush should be charged with contempt of Congress. I have contempt for Congress.
See? Completely different.
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/61.htm]
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Oddly, He Didn’t Mention That’s My Bush As A Source Of Debate
At a legal conference in Ottawa, American Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia explained that the television show 24 could be used as a case study to understand the debate over torture. Although he had a lot of people shaking their heads at this, it was by no means his most controversial assertion.
Scalia went on to suggest that a good general model for the treatment of prisoners in times of war could be found in Hogan’s Heroes. A good way to understand the debate over the concept of the unitary government would be to watch The Office. And, of course, good guidance on the issue of abortion could be found in the TV series Father Knows Best.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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Pithy, Yet Ultimately Empty Of Meaning – Has Donald Rumsfeld Taken A Job As A Globe Headline Writer?
“Hang on, Mr. Bush, for all our sakes
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=4446533038]
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I’m Not A Lawyer, But Could You Please Explain Why That’s Anybody’s Job?
“The Supreme Court should not be expanding incursions into privacy and liberty – that’s Parliament’s job.”
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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A New Day Is Unlikely To Dawn
Public Safety Minister Stockwell Day has sent a personal email to members of the RCMP asking that they support William Elliott, the Conservative government’s choice to head the beleaguered agency. “He may not know what it’s like to have a hardened criminal stare him in the face,” Day wrote, “or to stop an underage kid who was doing 140 in a 30 zone who can barely walk a straight line and reeks of Jack Daniels Lite, or to blackmail a prostitute into giving him her services for nothing, or even to try to convince a woman not to press charges in a domestic dispute because what will happen to her if her husband goes to jail?
“No, he hasn’t done any of that.
“On the other hand, he hasn’t given false evidence to American law enforcement that caused an innocent Canadian to be kidnapped and sent abroad to be tortured, or, for that matter, revealed the existence of an explosive investigation of a politician in the midst of an election campaign. And, that’s got to count for something, right?
Right?”
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20070712.eladvote0712_@/BNStory/newsToBetterDays/]
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Actually, Peak Oil May Take Care Of That Problem
Are you afraid of dying in a terrorist attack? Really? Are you afraid of dying in a car accident? Because more North Americans die in car accidents every three months than died in 9/11. That means that 20 times as many people have died in car accidents than of terrorism since 9/11.
We need a War on Automobiles. The army should bomb major highways. Traffic reports should come with colour coded warnings. Military bases should be built on routes leading into major cities and soldiers should be given instructions to shoot any car that looks the least bit dangerous.
I know. The War on Automobiles could take decades. But, I believe that Americans will support it once it is explained to them how much it will improve their safety.
SOURCE: Big Alex’ Domesday Countdown Page
[http://www.allaboutalex.wha/Domesday/new]
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Not Only That, But An Early Pullout Makes A Real Mess Of The Sheets
Iraqi Foreign Minister Hoshyar Zebari has warned that an early pullout of American troops could lead to a civil war and regional conflict. Other possible dangers of an American withdrawal, according to Zebari, include: increased crack cocaine use among American teenagers; a collapse in the housing market, and; an inexplicable resurgence in popularity for the Three Stooges.
Critics of the war say that the reference to the Three Stooges is an indication that the speech was actually written by an American. As usual, none of the attention fell on Karl Rove.
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/living/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1109843600263460.xml]
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Comedy Is In The Ratings Of The Beholder
Got a call from Suzie the other day. Sweet girl. Doing a PhD at UCLA. She wanted to write about my show. Great. Nothing wrong with helping advance the cause of knowledge. After a few preliminary questions, she asked me where I got my sense of humour. Now, that’s not something I get accused of often, but I tried to answer the best I could. A couple more questions in this vein and I had to explain to her that The O’Meilly Factor isn’t a comedy. She refused to believe it, said she admired the way I stayed in character even when it wasn’t necessary. Eventually, after much yelling, I hung up on her.
Let’s get something straight. There really are gangs of radical lesbians going around the country beating up straights, and, if you’re not careful, they will convert your impressionable teenage daughter. The giveaway is plaid skirts – watch out for women wearing plaid. That’s not funny. That’s reality.
I thought our college students were smarter than that.
SOURCE: The O’Meilly Factor
[http://www.foxynews.com/story/0,2943,90210,00.html]
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