The Daily Me – Dinesh D’Souzaphone

Thank you, Dinesh D’Souzaphone, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Because we said so, that’s why.

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

They All Deserve To Be Spanked On Their Tushies

Snow W and the Seven Bushies

This is Know Nothing Bushie
Who, in self-interest, screams his defiance,
His hatred, and more, of the body of “lore”
That the rest of us know as science

This is Crony Bushie
A friend of the family, long-standing
Though incompetent, he will be sent
A plum job for his glad-handing

This is Programme Gutting Bushie
Who knows what government’s truly for:
“What? Are you crazy? Entitlements make you lazy!
“We can’t give any money to the poor!”

This is Religious Pandering Bushie
Whose interest in god is slight
He’s trying to fool ya when he sings “Hallelujah!”
To win more votes for the right

This is Chicken-hawk Bushie
A man who sings of the glories of war
He’s never lived through one, but he’s always wanted to do one
(Using the children of the people next door)

This is Media Ally Bushie
Who can be counted on for editorial support
In return for funds for its conglomerate, it spews venomous hate
In every “fair and balanced” report

Lastly we come to Loyal Bushie
The one revered above all
For each Bush mistake, there must be somebody to take
The long, lonely, but well publicized fall

SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered

[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/168.html]
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The Differences Between Pakistanis And Canadians Are Too Numerous To Count

Differences between Canadians and Americans, #327: When President George W. Bush accuses opponents of the Iraq war of supporting terrorists, American journalists nod their heads and wonder when it will be fashionable to lynch them. When Prime Minister Stephen Harper accuses Liberals of having more sympathy for terrorists than Canadian troops because they want to ensure that captured Iraqis aren’t tortured, Canadian journalists shake their heads and go, “Harsh, dude.”

Differences between Americans and Pakistanis, #876. When Pakistan’s President General Pervez Musharraf fired the nation’s chief justice, lawyers rioted in the streets. When American President George W. Bush had eight prosecutors fired, lawyers issued subpoenas.

SOURCE: The 22 Minutes Feels Like an Hour

[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
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Define ‘Or What’

Okay, let me see if I got this straight.

CTV is airing a taped version of the Juno Awards at 10pm so that it can broadcast The Amazing Race from 8 to 10. Most newspapers are running articles about the timing of the show without mentioning what a slap in the face it is to Canadian music, not to mention young fans of same who won’t be allowed to stay up to see the full show.

Is this a great country, or what?

SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now, Canada!

[http://www.canada.com/globulltv/globullshows/ern_canada.html]
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Blog Means Never Having To Say You’re Sorry

MONDAY: Physicists announced that the W boson has a mass of 80.413 giga-electron volts. Oddly enough, it still weighs more than Kate Moss.

TUESDAY: Have you ever noticed that the same people who lecture individual Americans to take personal responsibility for their actions invariably use all of their rhetorical skills to avoid taking responsibility for what the nation as a whole does?

WEDNESDAY: I’m sorry, but Vic Mackey could kick Jack Bauer’s ass. Score another one for cable!

THURSDAY: Oh, and I’m not really sorry…

FRIDAY: Why is it that if a man has a tight ass, he is uptight, but when a woman has a tight ass, she is desirable?

SATURDAY: A new study shows that if you use computers too much, you start to lose IQ points. And, you know, I can live with that…at least, until I’m too dumb to turn on my PowerBook.

SUNDAY: He wouldn’t stop throwing up – it sounds like the name of a Chuck Palahniuk novel, doesn’t it?

SOURCE: Random Thoughts and Blood Clots

[http:suzie.randomthoughts&bloodclots.blogspeck.com]
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Al-ementary, My Dear Congress

Al Gore, in an impassioned speech about the world being round, told Congress that: “The Earth is having a baby.”

In response, Republican Senator James Inhofe, who has called theories of a round earth “the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people,” claimed that “some of the statements that you have made are – have inaccuracies and have been misleading.”

Soon after, President Bush smirked, for no apparent reason.

SOURCE: USA Whenever

[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/national/2007-03-15-road-goreier_x.htm]
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A Secret Is Something You Only Tell One (Million) Other Person(s)

The Secret
Rhonda Byrne
$29.99

review by Dr. Pangloss

What a magnificent book! The premise is simple: in your life, you attract what you conceive. Imagine yourself with four strong limbs, and you shall have them. Imagine yourself with a functioning nose, and it shall be yours.

Of course, it’s a premise that has been written about many times over the past couple thousand years. Not only that, but it has been explored in much more depth and with greater compassion. Surely, that makes this the perfect version for our shallow society!

This is truly the best of all possible books in this, the best of all possible worlds.

SOURCE: Unread Book News

[http://217.204.41.19/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
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Overselling For A Good Cause

The Saint Margaritaville Hospital Lottery for Life is here again and the prizes are bigger than ever! A Lear Jet! Your own small island! A guest spot on Corner Gas!

Buy a ticket and help end death forever!

SOURCE: Ad Meek

[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=1999952604]
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One More Argument For Street Proofing Your Politicians

“We can’t give in to the voices that tell us that we must withdraw our troops from Iraq. If we do, the terrorists will follow us home. See, they’re sort of like a puppy like that. ‘Ceptin, you don’t want to ask your folks if you can keep ‘em, cause they’re puppies with weapons of mass destruction who want ta destroy our way of life.”
- George W. Bush

SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor

[http://www.comedycentric.com/tv_shows/thedaytodayshowwithjontudor/headlines_pol.jhtml]
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Gotta Love That Iranian Sense Of Humour

How far has the confrontation between Iran and the United Kingdom progressed?

a British ship enters disputed waters claimed by Iran.
Iran captures 15 British sailors
international outrage is directed towards Iran over the capture of British sailors
YOU ARE HERE: Iran starts interrogating the sailors
Iran provides signed confessions in which the sailors admit entering the disputed waters as a provocation to start a war
the United States claims the sailors were tortured into signing the confessions
Iran claims that the “aggressive interrogation techniques” it used had been learned from the United States
the United States says, “Ha ha, very funny” and launches an air attack on Iran

SOURCE: Politics for Dummies

[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=485&dir=bb]
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