Thank you, Pantamont Sarawut, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we realized that somehow, through the magic of computers, the text we wrote for this space was being switched with email messages our daughter Lewanda was writing to her friend Hot Jamales. You can’t imagine how embarrassed we are. On the other hand, H. J. is much more knowledgeable about public affairs now than she has ever been.
Enjoy,Where Do Post(-modern) Cereals Come In?
Carrida de la FranchaizePost-feminism is pre-feminism without the hoop skirts. Post-post-modernism is pre-post-modernism without the feudal overlords. Post-post-post theory is really pre-post-pre theory without the problem of actually developing a theory.
Confused? This is just the first paragraph. There are 566 and three quarters more pages to go.
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.41.15/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
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It’s More Than Just A Game – It’s A False Memory You Comfort Yourself With
The glow you felt when your professional home town football team won the country’s highest honour: priceless.
The pleasure of anticipating taking your child to his or her first professional home town football game: priceless.
The joy of sharing the ups and downs of your professional home town’s football team with your children: priceless.
Rights to rename the Grey Cup after your hardware store, undermining all of the above: $10 million.
Some things are priceless. That doesn’t mean that money can’t destroy them.
SOURCE: Ad Meek
[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=1888952604]
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Call Me A Heretic, But…
Feith
Well, I guess it would be nice‘Cause I gotta have Feith…
[with apologies to George Michael, because Arrested Development deserved to be on the air a lot longer]
SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/163.html]
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Maybe They Should Question The Friendly, Helpful Corporate Hit Man
Clippy, the Microsoft Office assistant, has been killed. The icon, always there with a friendly, helpful question or piece of advice, went missing from people’s screens on Thursday; his body was subsequently found in a trash can icon.
“He was such a friendly, helpful little guy,” Mrs. Clippy, the former Ms. Pac-Man, sobbed. “Who would want to do such a thing?”
The friendly, helpful investigation continues.
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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You Don’t Need Carrida de la Franchaize To Deconstruct This…I Hope…
Excerpted from FM 3-24 DRAFT, a new counterinsurgency field manual used by the American military:
“Gooba gooba gooba. Hey. Ooga Booga. Ooooooooga boooooooga! Who’s a good little military unit? Yes. Yes. You’re a good little military unit, aren’t you? And, hey, who needs to have Arab translators when invading Arab nations? Yes. Yes. You do! That’s right! You need to have Arab translators when invading Arab nations! Good military unit! Good boys!”
SOURCE: The Smoking Gut
[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/108090254786cahs01.html]
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This Excerpt Has 184 Words – Ooh, I’m Getting Goose Pimples Here!
Regular readers of this Web page will know that I’m not the sort of person who shies away from a controversial conspiracy theory. I was the one, for instance, who first broke the news that the real reason we invaded Iraq was that, thanks to the rising sea levels owing to global warming, the country was running out of sand, and President Bush is obsessed with making sand castles.
I’m the one who has championed the theory that Anna Nicole Smith was killed by an obscure Mayan brain bruising technique mastered by Kevin Bacon because he couldn’t stand the fact that he was only two degrees of separation away from her. (I know that knowledge would keep me up nights.)
Hell, I’m the one who has consistently argued that Kennedy was killed to cover up the fact that the moon landing was faked in a Hollywood studio, even though the fakery didn’t happen until years after he died. I mean, if you haven’t mastered time travel, how can you expect to control the world?
But, this stuff about the number 23? That’s just flaky.
SOURCE: Mike’s Ultimate Conspiracy Page
[http://www.ignoremeatyourperil.com/conspiracy2325.html]
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Shaw? Oh, Pshaw!
Jim Shaw, head of cable giant Shaw Communications, on why he stopped putting money into the Canadian Television Fund: “We keep paying, but what shows are being made? Am I just getting shows like Trailer Park Boys with all those guys running around half-naked, swearing and smoking weed? Is that what Canadians are getting?”
Bubbles, the trailer park boy with the big glasses and scratchy voice who is a friend to cats everywhere, responds: “Who is this Shaw guy? I never heard of him. I mean, Jeez Louise, we get told we shouldn’t put money into culture that nobody wants to see, but when we produce something that lots of people want to see, it’s not good enough. I think –”
“We should put sugar in his gas tank.”
“Aww, why’d you have to go and say that, Ricky?”
“Man needs to be taught a lesson.”
“Aww, Jeez, Ricky!”
“I’m just saying.”
“Well, I don’t think that would help.”
“Fucking popularity has made you soft. I’m – I got things to do.”
“And, uhh, only Randy has his shirt off, and you gotta give him that cause he’s obviously a troubled young man. And…and…hey, Ricky, wait up. You have any of the good stuff? Ricky? Ricky?”
SOURCE: Payback
[http:www.paybackmag.com/articles/magazine/20070211/canadiancontent?ohShaw.html]
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And, The Award For Best Parody Of Awards Show Coverage Goes To…
Awards. Everybody deserves one. And, at a time when it seems like there’s an awards ceremony every few days, perhaps soon everybody will get one. One of the most important awards ceremonies, the Gruelies, is also one of the least well known.
The Gruelies are handed out to awards ceremony shows themselves. There are 27 different categories of Gruelies, including Longest Acceptance Speech At An Awards Ceremony, Most Inappropriately Political Acceptance Speech At An Awards Ceremony, and, of course, Most Unrepresentative Film Clip, Sound Clip Or Other Excerpt From A Nominated Work.
This year, the Gruelies will be televised on SpliffyVision (formerly The Spliffy Peanut Butter Network). We’re sure you’ll want to follow along as the awards are announced with the following scorecord (not, we hasten to add, to be used in association with any form of gambling, because that’s just wrong).
Longest awards ceremony.
Oscars Emmies Tonys
Most cringe-inducing opening musical number of any awards show.
Oscars Grammies People's Choice
Most annoying foreign awards ceremony.
Junos Baftas Cesars
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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