The Daily Me – Cheryl Escrow

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The Daily Me Staff

You Knew It All Along, And If You Didn’t, You Should Have

The Way The World Works

This is the story of the F-16
A mean, lean, fighting machine
From which General Dynamics made a killing
Because the US was so willing
To buy them by the crateful

That wasn’t enough for GD’s new owner, Lockhead
Whose bottom line it had to feed
So they agreed to make a sale: a
Bunch of planes to Venezuela
And other regimes that were hateful

The next step for Lockhead (now) Martin
Is, on production, to start in
On a new plane, the F-22 Raptor
To destroy all those foreign F-16s. After
All, when you’ve made a mess
You should try to fix it, more or less
And, Americans should, for a superior defense, be grateful

Nobody says, “Get real, you jerks!”
They just shrug and mutter, “That’s the way the world works.”

Bob Nardelli,
No nervous Nellie
Became CEO
Of Home Depot
And for six years at the company, he toiled

He could not prevent
The stock dropping six per cent
In the time, whole,
That he was in control
And the shareholder blood, it boiled

Should the Board look askance
At such a lousy performance?
The discussion is moot,
It gave him a 210 million dollar golden parachute
That’s many orders of magnitude greater than
The guy who drives the company van
And goes well beyond the definition of “spoiled”

Nobody complains about those perks
Because everybody knows that’s just the way the world works.

An actor who directed a film about a saviour
Engaged in the most outrageous behaviour
After getting caught driving drunk
He spouted racist and sexist junk
And we flocked to his films all the more

To the world’s astonishment, our mouths agape
The hotel heiress made a sex tape
That nobody was allowed to forget
Because it circulated endlessly on the Internet
And helped her get real movie roles galore

The sports hero never passed up the chance
To, his modest talents, chemically enhance
With a drug
Given him by a medical thug
Who, with less and less rareness
Did not understand the meaning of competitive fairness
Just the value of a quick score

We indulge some people with the strangest quirks
But rarely complain about the way the world works.

SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered

[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/149.html]
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At Least He’s Consistent

Producers of the hit show Lost have brought up the possibility of setting an end date for the series. In response, President Bush said, “There can be no timetable for withdrawal of Lost from the schedule. See, we do that, and we’ll embolden the terrorists and others working against us, like the other networks.”

SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide

[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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Dear Diary: Had Lunch With A Ruthless Dictator This Afternoon. We Talked About Wildflowers And Exchanged Kuchen Recipes

Thanks to sources within the Prime Minister’s Office who wish to remain fictitious, Les Pages aux Folles has obtained a copy of the report by Wajid Khan that the Conservative government has refused to release to the public. Below are some excerpts:

September 12: The Saudi Minister of External Influence took me to a Chinese restaurant, where we discussed how much Saudi Arabia is doing to combat terrorism. Who knew? This trip is a real eye-opener, I’ll tell you. All those awful things I said about Prime Minister Harper over the last few months? I obviously misjudged him. I must find a way to thank him for sending me. I wonder if I can get a fridge magnet at the bazaar around the corner from the hotel…

September 17: The Israeli Minister of American Relations took me on a tour of a cellphone manufacturing plant. Israelis are the largest users of cellphones in the world. Who knew? This tour really is fantastic! A fridge magnet could scarcely convey my gratitude to the Prime Minister for footing the bill for my trip, but what can I do for him? What can I do for him? Oh, well, I’m sure I’ll think of something…

SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles

[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Globe And Mail Headlines Are Bad For Your Health

“A necessary scare?”
- headline on a Globe and Mail article about primary students doing duck-and-cover drills

“Fear is a danger to your health”
- headline on a Globe and Mail article about how fear can cloud a patient’s judgment about their best course of action, set right next to the above article on the page

SOURCE: No Comment Quotes

[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Same Burnt Offerings, Different Master

1) Do people who join Jews for Satan stop being Jews?

Absolutely not. It’s just that you may have found that there is something missing in your life, a hole that is not entirely being filled by Judaism. If that is the case, it might be Satanism that you are looking for. However, if you decide that it is, you do not have to give up your historical identity. Jews for Satan has proven time and time again that you can be a good Satanist and a good Jew.

2) Isn’t Jews for Satan just a sneaky way of converting Jews to your heathen beliefs?

Ha ha ha. You’d be surprised how many people are concerned about this. Some of them are quite vocal about it. In fact, we have had to get restraining orders against many Jewish organizations in order to get them to stop spreading this base canard. Jews for Satan is not necessarily trying to convert anybody to Satanism. We just want to give Jews the opportunity to take what works from their Judaic upbringing and combine it with what they find helpful in Satanism. It’s all about their spiritual fulfillment, really.

SOURCE: Jews for Satan

[http://www.jewsforsatan.org/answers/conversion]
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It Has To Start Some Time…Doesn’t It?

The plan to increase the number of troops embedded with Iraqi units to train their soldiers has been criticized by President Jalal Talabani, who bitched that the American move “is not respecting the desire of the Iraqi people.”

And, I thought: respecting the desire of the Iraqi people? Why should the American government start now?

SOURCE: Bill’s Bitter Pill’s

[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
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