Sue Me, Sue You
Somebody at Queen's Park made a joke about no-fault auto insurance and, faster than you can say, "Where's the ambulance?" the Insurance Bureau of Canada started taking out full page…
Deadline News: Informed Sources and Outrage
Good evening. Our top story tonight: United States Trade Representative Clayton Yeutter recently outraged Canadian officials, including Prime Minister Brian Mulroney, by making a series of insensitive remarks regarding Canada's…
Parenting in the Nineties
With the publicity surrounding the battle between the surrogate mother of Baby M and its parents over the custody of the child, the morality of our reproductive technology is coming…
Ending the Arguments
Ann Landers' defection from the Chicago Sun-Times after 31 years hasn't attracted much interest outside the Windy City. The general feeling, I imagine, was that any barely literate busybody with…
Deadline News: Economics and Exclusives…
Good evening. Our top story tonight: a tentative agreement has been reached between six of the seven members countries of the G-7 to stabilize foreign exchange rates in an attempt…
Larry and Bud Make Pictures
"Larry?" "Bud?" "I've done it, Larry. I've finally put together the sweetest little picture deal you've ever laid eyes on. It's the kind of deal you would happily sacrifice your…
Peace As a Last Resort
Tensions, as those tired old wire reporters who had covered one too many international crises were fond of saying, were mounting in the Persian Gulf. The Stark, an American frigate,…
Loose Talk Around the Gene Pool
Two viruses, Alan Ivan Dennis Simpson and Adam Ian David Stevens, met while attempting to negotiate the rush hour traffic in their host's bloodstream. "Hey, Alan," Adam greeted his old…
Hypocrisy Is Blind
"Sanctions! Economic sanctions! Do you hear what I'm saying! Is this mike on? They intend to apply economic sanctions against American imports! Mister Speaker, I think I speak for every…
Caribou on Bay
I was doing some window shopping downtown when I noticed the young caribou. It was sitting on the sidewalk, back uncomfortably propped up against a wall, its forepaws outstretched, a…
Deadline News: Supernovae and Gratuitous Disrespect…
Good evening. Our top story tonight: President Ronald Reagan went on nationwide television to admit that he was responsible for the Iran arms deal which, despite all its good intentions,…
Mr. and Mrs. Frump Celebrate the Holidays
Mrs. Frump had no intention of falling asleep on the grate. She had just settled down for a couple of minutes to rest and warm up. She was wearing the…