Lives Unlived: Garamond Vespucci [ARNS]
Obituary pirate. Born: September 12 2005...or maybe August 4, 1995, in Chicago...unless it was Detroit...or possibly Santa Fe. Died: March 3, 2024...although it could have been March 4, 2023...and some…
The Day it Rained Viagra [ARNS]
by LAURIE NEIDERGAARDEN, Alternate Reality News Service Medical Writer, Pretty Good Dancer and Dream Expediter Morrie Mannheim was worried about the censures He would have to endure if he didn't…
Ask Amritsar About Life in The Volleyball World [ARNS]
Dear Amritsar, I met the most amazing woman on BlueInTheFaceSky! Her name is Myrna Loy. She's smart and funny and she is always trying to please me. Like, always. She…
When Pants on Fire Stops Being a Metaphor [ARNS]
by FRANCIS GRECOROMACOLLUDEN, Alternate Reality News Service National Politics Writer The Senate impeachment trial of President Ronald McDruhitmumpf was dealt a slight setback when, during their oath to Gord to…
You’re On Report, Buster! [ARNS]
by HAL MOUNTSAUERKRAUTEN, Alternate Reality News Service Crime Writer Og Amontillado (whose nickname wasn't "Buster," although given his proficiency with a baton, it could very well have been) was a…
Deploy the Bubbe Brigade! [ARNS]
by MARA VERHEYDEN-HILLIARD, Alternate Reality News Service War Writer In the propaganda war on behalf of its genocidal attack on Gaza, the Israeli government has a secret weapon. It is…
Ask Amritsar About the Girl on Your BrAIn [ARNS]
Dear Amritsar, I met the most wonderful girl online! She's smart (she gets all my references to Star Blap: The First Series). She's funny (she laughs at all my jokes,…
Failure to Communicate [ARNS]
by TAMMY, Alternate Reality Kidz News Service Life is so Unfair Writer Misses Antonia Armbruster has failed her entire grade four home room class at Buffy Saint Buffy Elementary School.…
Samuel L. Jackson Turned Down the Offer to Read “Go the Headlines to Sleep!”
Oh, The Muppets Christmas Carol Wasn't THAT Bad... "Cutthroat culture It's one of the most controversial films of the '90s. But 30 years later, does it still have the power…
It’s Hip To Be the Public Square
Is America Still a Democracy? There Is Some Debate... Good To See That, When It Came To The Vice-presidential Debate, The Republican Party Bros To The Occasion CALL TO ACTIVISM…
What the Heck Do You Know? About Words, Words, Words!
1) What is "Stiff-person Syndrome?" a) an unkind way of talking about Ron DeSantis' campaign style b) a kind way of talking about Ron DeSantis' campaign style c) a way…
Quoth the Raven, “Squawk, Squawk, Squawk!”
Oil Company Executives Clearly Have No Children "We leaned in [to traditional oil and gas] when others leaned out, bucking conventional wisdom." - ExxonMobil CEO Darren Woods "I play to…