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When Wonders Consider Ceasing [ARNS]

by NANCY GONGLIKWANYEOHEEEEEEEH, Alternate Reality News Service Technology Writer Will wonders never cease? Perhaps. I am no expert on wonders (I do so prefer bagels), but I am reliably told…
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When History is a Mystery [ARNS]

by MAJUMDER SAKRASHUMINDERATHER, Alternate Reality News Service Education Writer Did you know that the Hudson's Bay Company (HBC) was founded in 1670 by famed British wrestler Dave Bautista? That it…
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AIPAC of Scoundrels [ARNS]

by DIMSUM AGGLOMERATIZATONALISTICALISM, Alternate Reality News Service International Politics Writer By all accounts, Jamaal Bowman-Poole was an exemplary Representative. He was soft-spoken and articulate. He was a passionate advocate for…
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Carrying Water in a Sieve [ARNS]

by DIMSUM AGGLOMERATIZATONALISTICALISM, Alternate Reality News Service International Politics Writer When is a war crime not a war crime? When the United States of America says it isn't. Bombing hospitals?…
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They Shot a Movie Once… [ARNS]

by ELMORE TERADONOVICH, Alternate Reality News Service Film and Television Writer The zombie walked into the fence. It stepped back and walked into the fence again. And again. And again.…
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Aerodynamic Pricing Takes Off [ARNS]

by GIDEON GINRACHMANJINJa-VITUS, Alternate Reality News Service Economics Writer Panama Bananarama-Rawe thought he was developing a relationship with the voice taking his order at the drive-thru at his favourite Bob…
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Never Forever Again [ARNS]

by SASKATCHEWAN KOLONOSCOGRAD, Alternate Reality News Service Religion/Philosophy Writer I asked Shlomo Putskin, who survived Auschwitz, why he was such a pain in the ass kvetch. "Hey, bubbelach!" he told…
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Lives Unlived: Garamond Vespucci [ARNS]

Obituary pirate. Born: September 12 2005...or maybe August 4, 1995, in Chicago...unless it was Detroit...or possibly Santa Fe. Died: March 3, 2024...although it could have been March 4, 2023...and some…