Ice Capades With Automatic Rifle Fire
“What should a hockey game sound like?”
– Toronto Star
Minority Neighbours – The Restigmatizing
“Ontario is starting to collect race-based data on COVID-19. But then what happens?”
– Toronto Star
Because Of People Like You Who Ask Questions Like This
Happy, Now?
“Why does my retirement home keep changing the staff?”
– Toronto Star
I Don’t Get What The Problem Is He – Wait, Is This Some Kind Of…Test?
“What happens if tests are delayed or go astray?”
– Toronto Star
A Regular Afternoon In Buffalo
“Salmon swim, lay eggs and die. What’s that trip like?”
– Toronto Star
Dying Polar Bears Don’t Vote
“If politicians can unite on coronavirus, why not on climate change?”
– Toronto Star
The Complacent
“Who will disrupt the disruptors?”
– Globe and Mail
Wrong
“What were they thinking at the human rights museum?”
– Toronto Star
If They Don’t Get A Good Jump Off The Plate They Are
“Are pinch-hitters on way out?”
– Toronto Star
It Depends Upon How Aware You Are Of The Zombie Apocalypse
“When neighbours knock, should we let them in?”
– Toronto Star
That’s The Only Thing The Country Produces In Quantity Any More
“Why Is America Exporting the Virus?”
– New York Times
You Had To Ask That Question, Didn’t You? You Just Had To Ask!
We’re About To Find Out, Now, Aren’t We?
“Cuts to public health: What’s the worst that can happen?”
– Toronto Star
Gymnastics
“What is live sports without the fans?”
– Toronto Star
I Can’t, But Let Me See How My Clone Feels About Taking It
“Can you pass this fan’s replicant test?”
– Toronto Star
Tell The Contrary Bastards That We Approve Of Their Bad Behaviour
“How do we teach police, and men in general to change?”
– Toronto Star
Reality, Like Hollywood, Needs New Writers
“Haven’t we seen this movie before?”
– Toronto Star
Absolutely! It Should Be Just Like How I Should Be Pregnant
“Should the border be opened a little bit?”
– Toronto Star
It’s A Metaphor For Donald Trump’s Border Wall
No, Wait – It IS Donald Trump’s Border Wall
“What’s with a barrier that seems to have no purpose?”
– Toronto Star
Hey, Don’t Knock It! Clay Is Good For The Brain
“How much pot is really in that edible?”
– Toronto Star
Not In Philip K. Dick’s World, He Can’t!
“Minority report: Can Trudeau recover?”
– Globe and Mail
Essentially The Same As “Disposable”
“What is the value of ‘essential’?”
– Toronto Star
Don’t Read The Comments!
“How do I stop people from bullying me during isolation?”
– Toronto Star
I’ve Been Asking This Question For 50 Years!
…You…Wouldn’t Happen To Know A Good Answer…Would You?
“Why are professional athletes getting special treatment?”
– Toronto Star
Wait Until They’re In Their 30s (But Start Before They’re In Their 50s)
“How can I date without embarrassing my kids?”
– Toronto Star
He Cares About Cybersecurity
“What makes Keanu Reeves so great?”
– Toronto Star
Make Them Watch The Matrix Until They Can Barely Keep Their Eyes Opened
“How can we help employees care about cybersecurity?”
– Globe and Mail
I Know, Right?
It Only Takes Several Thousand Drunk Drivers To Ruin It For The Rest Of Us!
“Why does Toronto still ban booze in parks for responsible drinkers?”
– Toronto Star
Downhill…Hope Your Skis Are Well Waxed…
“Where do we go from here?”
– Toronto Star
I…I Don’t Have Time To Deal With This!
Go Ask Your Mother –
No, Wait…
“‘Dad, did you ever cheat on my mother?'”
– Toronto Star
In Toronto? There’s A Bush About A Mile From Here…
“Can you please direct me to the nearest toilet?”
– Globe and Mail
Sure – If You Want To Formalize The Lack Of Accountability That The Police Only Informally Practise
“Is private security the answer?”
– Toronto Star
But, Isn’t That The Human Condition?
I’m Clearly Going To Have To Reread My Mother Goose!
“Dying is something that should not happen alone”
– Toronto Star
Expect Your Children To Become Itinerant Flea Collectors
“How do I avoid arguments about homework?”
– Globe and Mail
Yes, But The Holodeck Is On The Fritz And The Experience Engineer Isn’t Available Until Next Friday
“Do you need a scenery change?”
– Toronto Star
I Would, But You Don’t Have Enough Time Left For Me To Do It Properly
“I am 93. Please tell me what is going on in the U.S.?”
– Toronto Star