“Who is the President?”
“The what?”
“The President of the United fucking States, asshole! Who is he?”
“George Bush. The son – Dubya.”
“How do you feel about him?”
“It’s an honour to serve under him. He…he’s the greatest President we ever -“
“Wrong, asshole! He’s a fucking sack of shit who lied us into a hellacious fucking war we shouldn’t be fucking fighting!”
“Tell me about it! My unit’s already fucking lost fucking six fucking men to fucking IED’s! Fucking piece of shit war!”
“Don’t try to butter me up, now. You -“
“Okay, Abu ben – what the fuck?”
“Who the fuck are you?”
“Navy Seal, motherfucker. Who the fuck are you?”
“Fucking regular fucking army, dammit.”
“CIA, asshole.”
“Why are a CIA fuckup and a military fuckup holding guns on each other?”
“I’m here to assassinate Abu ben Benabu, asshole.”
“Since when does the CIA assassinate people, motherfucker?”
“Since Dick Cheney said we could, shithead.”
“I fucking don’t fucking believe him.”
“Oh, yeah? And, what are you doing here, motherfucker?”
“I’m here to fucking assassinate fucking Abu ben Benabu!”
“Oookay. And, why should I believe either of you dumbass motherfuckers?”
“Why should we fucking believe you’re a fucking Navy fucking Seal?”
“Yeah, asshole. Who fucking died and made you The Decider?”
“I’ve got the biggest motherfucking gun in the room, motherfucker.”
“Yeah? Well, I got news for you, asshole: my gun’s pretty fucking lethal enough.”
“How do we fucking know you’re fucking Navy?”
“I don’t have to prove shit to you, dumbfuck.”
“Fucking ask him your fucking trick fucking question.”
“The one you couldn’t answer, asshole?”
“Oh. Err, yeah. That one.”
“Who is the President of the United States?”
“For fuck’s sake, motherfucker, this isn’t fucking Jeopardy!”
“No, it’s a fucking scene out of a fucking Quentin fucking Tarantino movie!”
“Okay, I’m obviously wasting my time, here. Neither of you motherfuckers is Abu ben Benabu.”
“What’s your business with Abu ben Benabu, asshole?”
“I’m here to assassinate the terrorist motherfucker.”
“You can’t be here to fucking assassinate fucking Abu ben fucking Benabu!”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m fucking here to fucking assassinate fucking Abu ben fucking Benabu! Don’t you fucking listen?”
“Okay, assholes, calm down. Just fucking calm down for a second, okay? Let’s assume that we’re all telling the truth,here. That would mean that the assholes in the Army, the Navy and the CIA have all developed assassination units without telling each other.”
“That’s just fucking stupid!”
“What?”
“The only fucking way we’re going to fucking win this fucking war is if we all fucking work together!”
…
“Motherfucking Army shit-for-brains.”
“I say we kill the asshole on general principle.”
“No motherfucker dies until I say the motherfucker dies.”
“You fucking fuckers don’t get it, do you?”
“What?”
“Get what?”
“If we don’t fucking cooperate, we fucking end up in fucking piece of fucking shit nightmare fucking scenarios like this one!”
“Hmm…motherfucker’s got a point.”
“What do you suggest we do, asshole?”
“Put the fucking heavy fucking weaponry away and go our separate ways.”
“No can do. I got motherfucking solid intelligence that Abu ben Benabu is in this bar.”
“Oh, for fucking fuck’s sake! We ALL have solid intelligence that Abu ben Benabu is here! That’s why WE’RE here! Do you see any Arab terrorists around here?”
“What does a motherfucking Arab terrorist look like, motherfucker?”
“Oh, for the love of – you don’t really believe that I’m a fucking Arab fucking terrorist, do you?”
“You might have been paid off by one.”
“Fuuuuucking great.”
“So, what do we do, asshole? Wait here for hours until one of us blinks and the others shoot the fuck out of him?”
“I’m thinking, motherfucker. If we’re all covert, we would all have fucking plausible deniability, so there’s no point calling anybody for identification.”
“And, anyway, as you say, any of us could fucking have fucking been paid off by one.”
“Okay, so, we think. There’s gotta be a motherfucking way out of this. The -“
BOOM!
A soldier, a CIA agent and a Navy Seal walk into a bar. It sounds like a joke, but it’s not, because, soon after, an unmanned Air Force predator drone, acting on solid intelligence that the bar is one of the hideouts of Abu ben Benabu, the 37th most wanted terrorist in Iraq, fires on and destroys the building, killing all three Americans instantly.
It does effectively end the argument, though.