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Not Tonight, I Have a Headline

Book 14 Cover

And The Hits Just Keep On Coming


“Welland steel maker cuts 84 more jobs”

– Toronto Star

“Bay puts faith in its Games plan
Chain cuts 1,000 full-time jobs; will focus on heritage and Olympic Opportunities”


– Globe and Mail

“Starbucks to cut 1,000: Analyst


– Toronto Star

“Harley-Davidson to chop 1,100 jobs”


– National Post

“Tembec to idle more mills, lay off 1,400”


– Toronto Star

“Business jet lag deflates demand for Challenger, as 1,360 lose jobs”


– Toronto Star

“Magna to close U.S. plant, cut 1,400 jobs”


– Globe and Mail

“Estee Lauder profit falls; to cut 2,000 jobs”


– Globe and Mail

“IBM shedding 2,800 American jobs, union says”


– Toronto Star

“Macy’s slashing 7,000 jobs, dividend”


– Toronto Star

“PANASONIC
Plasma TV maker axes 15,000, shuts 27 plants.”


– Toronto Star


…Into People Who Are Broke


“We’re not broke, we’re evolving”

– National Post


Okay, I Think I See Where The Problem With The Economy Is…


1 + 1 = ?

– National Post


Remember When Education Was About Learning And Stuff?


“Because education is about community”

– Toronto Star


I’m More Of A Waterboy Or…Or A 57th Round Draft Pick Who Never Makes It Out Of The Minors


“Are you a punter or a receiver?”

– Globe and Mail


You’re Making It Hard For People To Hear MINE


“Keep your rude lectures to yourself”

– National Post


It’s Part Of The Educated Meat Community


“Sausage with literary credentials”

– Toronto Star


Please, Mister Corcoran, May We Have Some Jobs?


“We have become a nation of beggars”

– National Post


By Providing New And Improved Fog, Now With 50% More Obscuranto


“As the fog of recession rolls in, marketing helps avoid the shoals”

– Globe and Mail


And, The Liberal Party Is Directly Responsible For Each And Every One Of Them


“AILING SYSTEM
Health-care mistakes blamed for up to 23,000 patient deaths a year”

– National Post


It’s Just Restin’…Beautiful Plumage…


Relax, the US consumer Isn’t dead and buried”

– Globe and Mail


Good Of Ontario To Expand Its Definition Of “National”


“National securities regulator viable even if only BC , Ontario on board”

– Toronto Star


You Can Always Bank On Fear To Get Your Way


“FEARS RISE THAT U.S. WILL SEIZE BIG BANKS”

– National Post


Elton John Breathes A Sigh Of Relief


“There’s more to gay music than the Village People”

– Toronto Star


For One Thing, It Rarely Fights Back


“Why fruit is worth hunting”

– National Post


Clothes Make The Bum


“The economy is in tatters, but you don’t have to look that way
THE NEW, SHARPER YOU”

– The National Post


Okay, Look, I Know I’m Getting On In Years, But That’s No Reason To Be Insult – What? Fort? Old Fort? Oh. I…Maybe I Need To Get My Vision Checked…


“The old fort nobody wants”

– Toronto Star


Optimism? I Thought It Was Garlic Pickle Potato Chips, But, Okay, Optimism Works Too, I Guess…


“Dark days call for only one thing: optimism”

– Globe and Mail


I Know I’ll Be Sleeping Better Tonight Thanks To This Knowledge


“Conrad Black likely safe from losing his peerage
Bid to oust guilty lords may exempt old crimes”

– Toronto Star


US President Asks Where The Annoying Buzzing Is Coming From


“Canada talks tough to U.S. on trade”

– Toronto Star


Until The Gloves Come Off And Somebody Is Sent To The Hospital With A Concussion, I’m Skeptical


“FIGURE SKATING GETS TOUGH
Skate Canada seeks to rebrand sport by playing up its risks and athleticism”

– Globe and Mail


Turns Water Into Beer, Feeds Multitudes With A Single Pretzel


“Jesus visits the Super Bowl”

– National Post


Yes, But A Little Maalox And It Should Be Fine


“Is Paris burning?”

– Globe and Mail


Can’t The RCMP Do Anything Right?


“HOWIE MANDEL STILL ON THE LOOSE IN CANADA”

– National Post


It Was Just Like His Old Life, Too, Except For The Food, Shelter And Personal Hygiene


“When his salary stopped, his new life began”

– Globe and Mail


Oh, Wow! Like, I Was Listening To “Ticket To Ride” On The Radio While I Read This Article! I Don’t Need More Proof: There Is A God!


“Raptors provide a ticket to ride”

– National Post


Don’t Ask Me – I’m Chicken!


“Which came first: the egg or the gourmet egg?”

– Globe and Mail


But You Either Have To Wait Three Days In Line Or Pay An Outrageous Sum To TicketsNow.com To Get It


“Ticketmaster issues apology”

– Toronto Star


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