by LAURIE NEIDERGAARDEN, Alternate Reality News Service Medical Writer,
Pretty Good Dancer and Dream Expediter
Morrie Mannheim was worried about the censures
He would have to endure if he didn’t find his dentures.
He’d looked for them high. He’d looked for them low.
He’d looked for them where he knew he shouldn’t go.
He suspected that they had come to no harm
Because nobody at the Finn-Allie Rest Home had raised an alarm.
The day it rained Viagra, for Morrie’s smile his teeth would not show.
Sadie Shapiro knew all the latest lingo
She’d often yell, “In your face!” when she won at bingo.
She smoked in her room (a really bad precedent);
She was the Hell’s Granny of the Home’s residents.
Even though she knew it was risky
Sadie didn’t need chemicals to get frisky.
The day it rained Viagra, relationships at the Home became intense.
Wait a minute! Hold the phone!
Are you telling me that a passing drone
Delivering happy pills to…brighten up somebody’s holiday season
Exploded over Finn-Allie for no discernible reason,
Sprinkling joy and much laughter
That the residents’ downed with a sip of water?
The day it rained Viagra, the old folks committed generational treason.
The diamond-shaped pills dropped into open boxes
Which contained the medicines that controlled all their poxes.
Most of the residents did not notice,
That in their boxes was a special bonus.
By the fall of night, residents were feeling just dandy;
A couple hours later, they were feeling quite randy.
The day it rained Viagra, everybody felt like POTUS.
“That appears to be what took place,”
Jeremiah Jankoff said with a grimace.
The owner of the home seemed ill-at-ease:
“Do you know how many children I’ve had to appease?
It wasn’t my fault! I didn’t do it!
But all they wanted was for me to put a stop to it!
The day it rained Viagra, nobody could stop their parents from doing – jeez Louise!”
Unhappy was the countenance of Franco D’Asparagus,
The owner of a franchise of Drones ‘R’ Us.
He said: “Our drone didn’t do as it should.
It just blowed up real good!
It could have ended up spewing its contents all over the ocean,
Instead of over the old folks ho – ohhhh, Land o’ Goshen!”
The day it rained Viagra, the forest setting gained a lot of new wood.
“Careena Baker’s asthma was triggered –
An event she could never have figured!
Mister Gilson threw out his back
Performing something called the Yak Attack!
Other patients had other injuries!” Jankoff complained.
“How will I recover the Finn-Allie Home’s good name?”
The day it rained Viagra was like something out of Kerouac!
“Oh, please! You talk about sex like it’s only for youth!”
Said famous sexologist Doctor Ruth.
“You see ze wrinkles and not ze people,”
She said, her fingers in deep thought steepled.
“Zey may be old, but zey’re not flotsam or jetsam.
Nobody should blame zem if zey want to get some!”
The day it rained Viagra, nobody would take their sleep pill!
Horatio Mannheim, Morrie’s son,
Said, “I don’t like the way this place is run.
My father isn’t there to have fun!
He should be living the life of a nun!
Everybody involved in this debacle should get the boot –
That’s why I have started a class action lawsuit.”
The day it rained Viagra, everybody expressed an opinion.
“That’s not fair!” Jankoff insisted
As his Coke-bottle glasses misted.
“Please don’t take me down this legal road –
I didn’t make the drone explode!
As god is my witness
I’m just trying to run a business!”
The day it rained Viagra, trouble visited him by the boatload.
“A drone blowing up in mid-air is very odd.
I’d chalk it up to an act of god,”
D’Asparagus retorted. “Of course, to my utter shock it
Could have been shot down by a rocket
In mid-air.
But I wasn’t there
The day it rained Viagra, so my name shouldn’t be on the docket!”
Morrie Mannheim faced his fate full
Of smiles which indicated how much he was grateful.
Sadie Shapiro felt no need for penitences
Just because she got it on long after her last menses.
Even Mister Gilson, who about his pain always moaned,
Embarrassed the staff with his every loud, loud, very loud groan.
The day it rained Viagra was an illustration of unintended consequences!