Thank you, Vinita Gateau, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, all hell broke loose on the right. The vein on Candice Bergen’s neck began to throb so quickly we were afraid it would cause epileptics looking at it to have seizures. Pierre Poilievre looked like he had swallowed a frog…a six foot tall frog. (That’s not far removed from his ordinary expression; the giveaway is the increased tension around his mouth and a widening of his eyes.) Patrick Brown looked ready to strangle a ferret. What had vexed them so? The intractable problem of global warming? Russia’s invasion of Ukraine? Rising rates of COVID infections after governments dropped mandates? Nope.
A Liberal-NDP coalition government.
And the Conservatives want us to believe that Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is a political lightweight?
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
When A World Leader Sounds Like A Spurned Teenager, We’re In Trouble!
When it first began, Russia’s invasion of Ukraine seemed to have the goal of decapitating the government so that it could hold a puppet show in the nation’s capital. A month in, bogged down by logistical and supply problems, not to mention an active rebellion, the Russian government has announced that its plan all along was to support ethnic Russian communities in specific regions of the country.
As Russian Premier Vladimir Putin explained: “Kiev? Pfft! You can keep it! We didn’t want stupid Kiev anyway! It’s cold and it’s grey and it looks like somebody punched it in its ugly face! Kiev’s for losers! Donbas? Now, that’s where all the action is! All the cool kids are hanging out in Donbas! Stupid, stupid Kiev…”
SOURCE: Demi-TASS
[http://en.demi-tass.com/russia/745620]
We Can All Sympathize
After All, Who Hasn’t Left Six Billion Dollars In The Pocket Of The Pants They Took In To The Cleaners, And Found The Pockets Were Empty When The Pants Were Returned?
“Our business is completely destroyed. Everything which we were building for 30 years is now completely ruined. And we have to somehow start a new life… Will l be allowed to have a cleaner, or a driver? I don’t drive a car . . . maybe my stepdaughter will drive. We don’t understand how to survive.”
– Petr Aven, reportedly the head of Alfa Bank, who is worth just under $6 billion dollars, on economic sanctions against Russia
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
Conservatives Hold The Key To The Safe…Space
FLORIDA GOVERNOR RON DESANTIS: We don’t want our children to be subjected to books that make them feel uncomfortable.
INTERVIEWER: You want them to have a safe space.
DESANTIS: Exactly.
INTERVIEWER: Exactly like the way you’ve always wanted gay and trans-gendered children to have a safe space.
DESANTIS: Exac – what? No, it, umm, that’s not quite, uhh…the same…
INTERVIEWER: You say you want your children to have a space that keeps them safe from certain books.
DESANTIS: That’s right.
INTERVIEWER: But you oppose anything that would give children a space that would keep them safe from any guns.
DESANTIS: Explain to me why I’m talking to you again?
SOURCE: Drew’s Transcript-o-rama
[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/theflaintheargument.shtml]
In Hollywood, The Show Must Go Ouch!
Will Smith strode onto the stage Sunday night and slapped Chris Rock, one of the hosts of the Oscars, for a joke he told about Smith’s wife, Jada Pinkett Smith. The response gave the Oscars its largest presence on social media in over a decade.
“Uhh, yeah, I don’t want to appear to condone violence,” commented David Rubin, President of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. “But you can understand that passions run high at awards ceremonies, and if anybody decided to take a pop at, say, Steven Spielberg or…or…or Denis Villeneuve, who would judge them, really? Especially Steven Spielberg…”
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2022/2022/03/28/aliassmithandwhoas/]
When His Career As A Murderous Thug Is Over, It’s Good To Know Putin Has A Future As A Rap Star
n1 but the bold) In public addresses, US President Joe Biden has called Russian President Vladimir Putin a “butcher,” a “murderous dictator” and a “pure thug.” Nobody so much as batted an eye (except for Tucker Carlson, but on him it looked more like a nervous tic). However, in a speech in Poland, Biden said, “This man cannot remain in power.” Oh oh. That makes it seem like US policy is to assassinate a foreign leader, and we can’t have that because…bad. How quickly did the White House walk this position back?
a) light speed
b) warp speed
c) fast enough to travel back in time to issue clarifications before he made the statement – Gord, this White House is good!
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
more
War Effort Nothing To Crow About
Ukrainian farmers are reaping an unexpected bumper crop this year: armour that was abandoned in their fields by Russian soldiers who deserted the army in the middle of the invasion.
“In the coming harvest season, we are going to have the best scarecrows ever!” said Maksim Holochenko. “They will be so intimidating, crows won’t come within miles of our farm!”
SOURCE: The Podunk Mash & Enquirer
[http://www.podunkmash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49882-2022mar26.html]
For Giving Her That Name, She Should Eat Your Face On General Principle
I find cats inscrutable. So, when I had the opportunity to interview Sir Rumpleteazer of Griddlebone, the Ambassador from Earth Prime 2-2-6-4-8-0 dash omicron (which was a Greek letter long before it was a harbinger of disease and death), a world where cats evolved as the dominant species, I naturally asked him what my cat, Mister Pickle Duster, thought about me.
“The…domesticated animals of your planet,” he answered with no little amount of disdain (which, I guess, means a yes big amount), “appreciate your efforts in keeping them fed and entertained. However, in the back of their minds, and I have no doubt that…Mister Pickle Duster feels the same way, they plan on eating your face if you die just before filling their food bowl.”
I protested that whenever I pet Mister Pickle Duster, I always get a sense of peace, like we are sharing a bubble that protects us from the world outside. I always assumed that purring was her way of sharing the bliss with me.
“Oh, well, of course, during those moments, they regret the urge to eat your face if you die just before filling their food bowl,” Ambassador Sir Rumpleteazer of Griddlebone graciously responded.
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=34322271314600814687fx]