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Tripp “Hazard” Balthazar!

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Thank you, Tripp “Hazard” Balthazar!, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, the world seemed to be going to hell in a handbasket (whatever they are). In times of strife, stress and general brouhaha, we’re always reminded of what out great-grandfather Avraham used to tell us: “If you want to get dog hair out of your nose, read a book on fire engines. The purple ones always taste the best!”

Our great grand-father Avraham’s advice always reminded us that we’re doomed.

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

THAT Is What You Want To Take Ownership Of?

REPUBLICANS: The United States has to stop funding Ukraine in its war with Russia. Now that China is rumoured to be siding with Russia, this could end in a world war with China.

JOURNALISTS: Haven’t Republicans been saying for years that China was America’s biggest enemy, and that the US should go to war with the country?

REPUBLICANS: Yes, but that was our war, not Biden’s war!

SOURCE: Bill’s Bitter Pills

[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
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Shakespeare Was Right: Love Is A Many-convicted Thing

When their eyes met across the exercise yard, it was love at first sight.

“It was like she looked into my very soul,” George Santos said. “And she liked what she saw. The Olympic fencing champion. The successful Goldman Sachs broker. The man who had perfected the art of dinosaur topiary. I knew from the moment I saw her that we were meant to be together.”

“George is such a silly boy,” replied Anna Delvey when I told her what he had said. (Men and women are segregated in the minimum security facility where the two are housed so they have no direct contact.) “I love the fact that he was the heir to the Hershey family’s billions of chocolate dollars, but I just don’t know if I can trust him. I want to. But how can I be sure that everything he has told me in the notes he passed to me across the yard isn’t a bunch of lies?”

When I told him what she had said, Santos sighed wistfully. “She gets me, you know?”

SOURCE: The Inquiring National Star

[http://www.inquiringnationalstar.com/gossip/64358]
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After A While, The Dog WhistlesAll Blend Together

Nikki Haley: “I think you have one side of the Civil War that was fighting for tradition , and I think you have another side of the Civil War that was fighting for change.”

SOURCE: Everyday Racism

[http://www.MainstreamHate.ca/EverydayR/rant251.html]
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And You Have To Make All The Outraged Faces Of Your Enemies Yourself, Which Is Hard Work!
And Can Be Hard On The Mirror…

If a pundit makes a counter-argument to an argument that none of their viewers are likely to know, have they really bloviated?

That is the dilemma faced by Kelly-Anne Conway. After depositions in the Dominion Voting Machines lawsuit proved that it was Fox News policy at the highest levels to promote the Big Lie that the 2020 election was rigged, Conway reached for the time-honoured MAGA play of accusing the left of engaging in behaviour that the right had perfected. The problem is that MAGAts whose only source of news is Fox will have no idea of what is happening in the lawsuit because the network won’t cover it, while people who watch actual news networks aren’t likely to see Conway on Fox.

Perhaps Conway is engaged in performative dishonesty. Maybe she hasn’t been seen in public for a while, and she wants everybody to know that she can still lie with the best (or is that worst?) of them. It could be that she wants to remind the former president that she was the only person in his administration whose lie to statement ratio was almost as high as his own (98.723% as opposed to his 99.012%). Perhaps she just missed the spotlight: lying to yourself in your bedroom mirror isn’t as much fun as lying to a national audience.

And Trump Derangement Syndrome? Really? That’s so 2018! And how would it even work if it was somebody else? Trump By Proxy Derangement Syndrome? That makes no sense.

Donald Trump must be very proud of her.

SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism

[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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Laughter Is Always Appropriate – But I’m Willing To Make An Exception In His Case

It is galling to be lectured about democracy by a man who took power in an election so sketchy that many of my viewers, fed on a steady diet of election denial, don’t believe it was real. Biden is far less popular in the US than Putin is in Russia… And it says everything about how Putin has complete control over the population that nobody dares oppose him. Can you imagine Biden jailing or even murdering his political opponents? It is to laugh. Ha ha ha ha h – cough cough, ack! Yeah, sorry about that. I know that some people find my laugh about as pleasant as the sound of a hyena choking on a diesel engine. What can I say? It’s in the script, and I’m not very good at improvisation. I’ve already gone through three laugh coaches – two committed suicide and the other one had to be committed. But I’m gonna keep working on it, because a sincere laugh is the least I owe my viewers.

SOURCE: Turducken Carlson This Late Afternoon

[https://www.fixed.com/turducken-carlson-this-late-afternoon/]
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It Could Be The Trump 2024 Campaign Theme, If He Can Only Bring Himself To Endorse A Song By A Foreigner

Douchebag Hero

Standing in the rain, grasp exceeding his reach
Couldn’t get a ticket, wouldn’t hear the pol preach
Heard the roar of the crowd, he could picture the stage
Put his ear to the wall, he could hear all the rage
It was only one voice, but it blew him away
He felt hate in his heart, and the very next day
Beat up a strung-out junkie, behind a secondhand store
Didn’t know why he was doing it, but he knew for sure
That act of violence, fed something in his gut
Didn’t understand it at all, but
Just one lone voice, vision aimed real low
Was a one way ticket, to the average Joe
So he started talkin’, each and every dis
Gotta keep on talkin’, someday gonna make the top office

And be a douchebag hero, got hate in his heart
He’s a douchebag hero
He took one lie (douchebag hero, hate in his heart)
Douchebag hero, (hate in his heart) he’ll spread it tonight

In a state without a future, in a heavy downpour
Thought he heard the old rhetoric, by the backstage door
Like a blast from the past, to that day in the mud
And that one lone voice, that stirred up so much blood
Now he needs to keep on talkin’, all his best lies
Gotta keep on talkin’, to win the votes of those he will despise

And be a douchebag hero, got hate in his heart
He’s a douchebag hero, got hate in his heart
Yeah, douchebag hero, hate in his heart
With that one lone voice (hate in his heart)
The hate will thrive, will thrive tonight, whoa

SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered

[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/863.html]
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