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Thank you, SkipTheAggravation.com, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we went out to see a basketball game because the government said we can. (The Raptors lost.) Then, a couple of days later, we went to a theatre to see a movie because the government said we can. (Daniel Craig was awesome.) Then, a couple of days after that, we went to the hospital to get intubated; it was touch and go for a while, but the doctors think we’ll pull through. (We want to see the Raptors win again and what Daniel Craig is up to next.) The government didn’t give us permission for this last trip out, but it was implied. Heavily, heavily implied.

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

It’s A Shame That Mask Shamers Have No Shame

Children are loud. That’s just a fact of life. They scream. They shout. They make strange noises that would not be out of place on American Horror Story. You think your Aunt Bertha is loud? She’s got nothing on a six year-old. So, when you put a mask on your child, you are denying them a vital part of their youth. That’s abuse. Oh, sure, it’s not abuse like offering a child chocolate for certain favours is abuse. It’s worse. At least those favours – you know the ones I’m talking about! – are done in private; some parents shamelessly force their children to wear masks in public. That’s the worst kind of child abuse! If you see that happening, you need to do what you would do if you stumbled upon any other case of child abuse: point at the adults and make a high-pitched keening sound. Then, call Family and Child Services on the parents. Do it! For the children!

SOURCE: Turducken Carlson This Late Afternoon

[https://www.fixed.com/turducken-carlson-this-late-afternoon/]
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Putting The “Eesh!” Back In Niche Programming

Wednesday, 8pm
The Real 3 Per Centers of Idaho
Bravo

John Braverman and Theodore Parvenu butt heads over Kyle Ritter’s ideological meltdown; Marcello Buena-Nottay celebrates a milestone in the seperatist movement’s life, while Braverman struggles to stay in the shadows as local newspapers launch an investigation into right wing extremist groups; Paul Zundel and Sutton Dutton get into a cat-and-mouse game for the takeover of a local branch of the racist organization.

SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide

[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F&regMode=0]
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You Gotta Admire A Union That Will Fight A Government Mandate To The Death…Of Its Members

In response to a government directive that core public servants must be vaccinated or face suspension without pay, the union representing the RCMP committed itself to supporting Mounties who do not get vaccinated, saying it expected a more “meaningful and authentic” dialogue with the government on the policy.

“We absolutely mean the policy,” responded Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. “We will authentically punish public servants who do not get the COVID vaccine! I hope that addresses the union’s concerns.”

SOURCE: Glob and Maul

[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20211006.eladvote0102_@/BNStory/newsOops2021/]
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Senator? It’s Harvard Calling. They’re wondering If You would Be So Kind As To Burn Your Degree. Like, Just Incinerate It. Until The Ashes are Ashes. Thank You For Your Understanding


“In the game of chicken, Chuck Schumer won this game of chicken. As two trucks drove towards each other on a country road, one or the other was going to turn or you were going to have a lot of dead chickens.”

– Senator Ted Cruz


SOURCE: No Comment Quotes

[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Our Dystopian Future Just Got A Little Less Dys

Google has announced that it will crack down on ads that deny the reality of climate change. “We’ve heard directly from a growing number of our advertising and publishing partners that they believe climate change denial is icky,” said Google, which is apparently big enough that it doesn’t need a specific spokesperson to communicate with journalists.

“We don’t want to be anywhere near those climate change denying lunatics,” said Smith and Wesson (following Google’s example on the whole spokesperson thing – major corporations can be so suggestible!). “They’re dangerous!”

Oh, did you think Google would do anything to disrupt its revenue streams because misinforming people about the dangers of climate change was inherently wrong? Silly Gosling. You know, if you could bottle that naivete, Tom Ford and Vera Wang would get into a bidding war for the rights to it!

SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report

[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/211009/geeklynews/01googleuserhahaha.htm]
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Like, How Positive You Are That The COVID-19 Vaccine Contains Microchips That The Deep State Will Use To Control Your Thoughts?


“Balancing risk – and thorny conversations
Stick to positive topics of discussion at your Thanksgiving dinner, psychology professor suggests”

– Toronto Star

SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines

[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=0396933449]
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Proving Once Again That Republicans Value Life Before Birth But Not after
Guys – Everybody Gets It. Really. You Can Stop Now

Across the country, people are making high-pitched keening sounds and pointing at young children wearing masks in public.

“It’s creepy,” said Matilda Sao-Tsumi, who was shopping for diaper bags at her local Best Buy with her six year-old daughter Noomi. Both were wearing masks to protect them from COVID-19. “It’s like ordinary people are suddenly possessed by weird aliens – weird aliens with a mask fetish!”

In a related story, local branches of Family and Child Services have been swamped with calls demanding that they do something about parents who make their children wear masks.

“I try explaining to them that making kids wear masks in public is not a form of abuse,” stated call taker Louella de Villa. “Sometimes, they just hang up. Most of the time, though, they start shouting at me using obscenities that would make David Mamet blush! Then, there are the death threats. I mean, I would have to be a dozen cats to survive all the death threats! Just because they mistakenly think making a kid wear a mask is a form of abuse. Honestly, where would they get such a ludicrous idea?”

SOURCE: USA Whenever

[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/national/2021-10-05-antivaxxers-unmasked_x.htm]
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Tory Government Continuing To Make Bad Decisions In Spite Of Itself

The UK has threatened to pull out of the Brexit deal because a side-agreement that would accommodate Northern Ireland, the only part of the UK that has a land border with a European nation, is being enforced in what the country claims is a heavy-handed manner and disrupting its business.

Representatives of the EU shook their heads sadly and wondered, “What did Britain’s face do to make them so eager to do such violence to their nose?”

SOURCE: The Smarmian

[http://www.thesmarmian.com/world/2021/oct/05/disunited-kingdom]
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