Thank you, Pierre Saltpetier, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, after the latest cleaning, our dental hygienist gave us the usual complimentary tube of toothpaste. Only, it wasn’t the usual toothpaste, it was something called “gum detoxify.” And we wondered if she was trying to tell us that she thought our gums were alcoholics. And if she really thought our gums were alcoholics, why would she give us toothpaste in a tube the size of a miniature bottle of booze‽
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Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Abbott Considering Applying What He Has Learned To Parts Of California
Claiming that the referendum held in four parts of Ukraine overwhelmingly supported the move, President Vladimir Putin has announced that the areas that participated in it are now Russian territory.
Texas Governor Gregg Abbott looked on with wide eyes. “You can do that?” he admiringly said. “I mean – wow. You can do that?”
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2022Oct01.html]
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You Have To Have Good Aim To Win At Dart
Dart, a NASA spacecraft, has deliberately smashed at high speed into the asteroid Dimorphos in an attempt to see if the method could be used to divert a celestial body heading towards Earth. It may take weeks before NASA can determine if the mission was a success, but one thing was immediately clear: space geeks want to be Bruce Willis!
SOURCE: Scientific Canadian
[http://www.scican.com/article.cfm?chanID=sc003&articleID=1128H3EC-2C145-20K5-AAA1584614B717171]
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Professor Willow Advises You To Walk Away From Your Cell Phone For A Few Minutes
Anybody who has played Pokemon Gopher for any length of time has experienced the critter who just refuses to stay in the ball. So you try a more powerful ball. And it jumps out. So you add a berry. You still can’t catch it. So you try the most powerful ball. Still don’t have it. So you try another berry. Nope. It still eludes you. If you just use one more ball…just one more…surely you will finally catch it on the next ball…
In Pokenomics, this is known as the sunken ball cost fallacy.
SOURCE: Gamer Bois Mag
[http://boiswillbe.com.htm#ipo_article=367]
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The Centre (Of The Universe) Cannot Hold
The government of Alberta has launched a campaign to lure disaffected Torontonians to the province. However, the early iterations of the campaign were plagued with an honesty that seemed at cross-purposes with the campaign’s stated aims.
The first poster developed for the campaign, for example, spoke of looking for “a traditional family.” This suggested that Alberta was not entirely welcoming of gays, lesbians or other people who had non-traditional families.
Not exactly a welcoming look.
The second poster for the campaign seemed to question where the potential immigrants to Alberta had come from. The implication here is that recent immigrants were not as welcome as people whose families had come to Ontario generations earlier.
Again, not the most inviting message.
Note that, as it calibrated the message, Alberta didn’t lie in order to make itself more attractive. The campaign that it finally settled on focused on aspects of life in the province that seemed appealing (cheaper rents and lower taxes, for two) and deemphasized aspects that wouldn’t be as attractive.
A classic advertising technique.
SOURCE: Ad Meek
[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=1228952773]
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As Intimidating As A Pat Of Butter (Outside Of Last Tango In Paris, We Suppose)
“Well, unfortunately, he [Swalwell] only acts tough on Twitter. I’ve actually tried to have conversations with Eric Smells Not So Well, and he bee-lines away from me.
Maybe I’m intimidating, I’m not sure.”
– House Sedition Caucus member Lauren Boebert
SOURCE: Ending Trending Web Site
[http://endingtrending.blurgh/a-rock-and-a-right-wing-place/]
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Musk We Go Through This Again?
44 billion) Elon Musk has revived his original bid to buy Twitter. Why?
a) he decided he needed a weight to keep all of his important papers from flying all over the place in a stiff breeze (even though he conducts all of his business online)
b) he always wanted to be an actor, and he was auditioning for the lead in a revival of Brewster’s Millions
c) nothing focuses the mind quite like an impending lawsuit going to trial, especially when the judge has invariably ruled in favour of the other side during pretrial motions
44 billion and 1) At the same time, Twitter is losing major advertisers because, they claim, their promotions are appearing alongside tweets soliciting child pornography. What was Musk’s response to this?
a) his head exploded
b) his head exploded all over Twitter’s Board of Directors, causing them to postpone their victory party because Musk bits ruined the blue bird of hipness-shaped cake
c) his head exploded, many of the bits creating the message, “You think I’m going through with the sakle now?!” on the board room wall behind him
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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The First Amendment Is Always The First Amendment To Go
Liberals are complaining about Toni Morrison’s books being banned by city councils in various states. They say her books are too well-written to be banned. Of course they are! You don’t ban books by authors who don’t know their semi-colons from a hole in the ground! What would be the point in banning books by Tony Schlubhead? – he’s sold, like, three copies of his most famous novel, and two of them were to his brother! It’s not like you could have a huge impact with sales like that, even if all three copies were bought by Oprah! Honestly, I’m surprised that I have to explain this – don’t liberals have any sense of how fame actually works in this society?
SOURCE: Turducken Carlson This Late Afternoon
[https://www.fixed.com/turducken-carlson-this-late-afternoon/]
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Make Toronto Great Again Doesn’t Make For A Great Acronym (Although It Would Be Nice If Politicians Would At Least Pay lip Service To The Idea)
The Toronto city government, justifying freezing the city’s library budgets, which, with inflation at seven per cent, would actually cut their spending ability, claimed that it was a matter of priorities. “We had to make a choice between libraries and maintaining the city’s garbage bins,” explained Mayor John Tory.
When it was pointed out that the garbage bins were allowed to deteriorate into messy, smelly puddles of goo with hard metallic shells because the private company with the contract to maintain them didn’t want to spend the money necessary because they couldn’t advertise on them, Mayor Tory responded, “Have you seen my nifty new campaign hat? The colours are wonderful, aren’t they?”
SOURCE: NOW and THEN
[http://www.now&thentoronto.com/news/story.cfm?content=337088]
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