Thank you, Niobe Wan Kenobi, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Sigh. They grow up so quickly. Why can’t they just stay in a perpetual state of dependence forever?
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Can We Get Andy Jones To Sit In On That Conversation?
Somebody should take Mary Walsh aside and explain to her that not every comedy from Newfoundland needs to feature a pedophilic Priest.
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now, Canada!
[http://www.canada.com/globulltv/globullshows/ern_canada.html]
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The World Needs To Get Its Facts Straight
“Actions undertaken by individuals, governments and/or non-governmental organizations that we do not like.”
– the definition of terrorism used by the Bush administration
“Intentional violence against civilians intended to achieve a political goal.”
– the definition of terrorism used by the rest of the world
SOURCE: Michelle’s Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
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Sounds Like The Makings Of A Bad Sitcom Plot
Fingernail-sized cameras fitted to the backs of seats will be used to monitor the behaviour of airplane passengers to look for signs that they might be terrorists. Scientists say rapid eye movements, blinking excessively, licking lips or ways of stroking hair or ears are classic symptoms of somebody trying to conceal something.
Of course, they’re also signs that you’ve just joined the mile high club. This could be awkward.
SOURCE: Scientific Canadian
[http://www.scican.com/article.cfm?chanID=sc003&articleID=1124H3EC-2H145-20K5-AAA1582614B712321]
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Maybe His Gut Needs A Few Less Barbecued Pork Ribs
The next time the President talks about making a decision from his gut, remember that his gut told him that Vladimir Putin was a kindred soul.
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor
[http://www.comedycentric.com/tv_shows/thedaytodayshowwithjontudor/headlines_pol.jhtml]
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At Last, Some Recognition Of The Horror Of New Age Films!
Adults expecting to see The Hills Have Eyes 2 got a nasty surprise when a theatre in New York accidentally began screening the children’s film The Last Mimzi instead. “It was the most horrible experience of my life,” Reginald Nofixed-Andress, of Cheektowaga, stated, holding back her tears. Then, the theatre offered Nofixed-Andress a pair of complimentary passes to a screening of her choice, and she got over it.
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2007/2007/04/08/mimziflimsy/]
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Just Do Your Best: There Are No Right Answers Here
How credulous have you become? Take this simple test to find out:
1) Recently released documents indicate that former Member of Parliament Jim Hart expected to be financially rewarded for resigning his seat to make way for Stockwell Day in a 2000 by-election. This is illegal. Hart claims that no compensation figures were discussed until after he had resigned, so the law wasn’t broken. Is your response:
a) makes perfect sense to me?
b) stupid law, anyway?
c) if the Liberals had done it, I would be out for blood, but, because the Conservatives did it, it must be okay?
2) Businessman Karlheinz Schreiber is suing former Prime Minister Brian Mulroney, claiming that after he retired from politics in 1993, he agreed to help Schreiber build a production facility for light armoured vehicles in Quebec. Schreiber alleges he provided Mulroney with $300,000 in cash in 1993 and 1994 as an advance, but that he never received the services he paid for. Mulroney claims that he earned the money fair and square. Is your response:
a) makes perfect sense to me?
b) why should we believe a word Schreiber says? He’s admitted to bribing a former prime minister!
c) Schreiber should have been proud to give Mulroney that money even if he never did anything to earn it, because Mulroney was a great Prime Minister?
Oh, yeah. If you answered any of the questions, you’re pretty damn credulous.
SOURCE: Politics for Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=495&dir=bb]
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Because He Was There
PieAreSquare) Why did 35 county governments in Vermont vote to impeach President Bush?
a) the heartland of America wants the terrorists to win
b) they thought the initiative was to give the President a peach cobbler (they really should have brought their reading glasses)
c) every now and then, a government should flex its powerless muscles
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Me-oww!
Dogs are man’s best friend? Don’t believe it. Don’t believe it for a second. They love you because you feed them. If you were gone, they’d love the next person who feeds them. Food is the alpha and the omega of a dog’s existence, the totality of its consciousness. You, you are just an enabler.
SOURCE: Fluffy’s Truth About Cats and Dogs Page
[http:fluffy.truthaboutcatsanddogs.blogspeck.com]
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We’re Talking Fashion Criminals Here…Right? Right?
Okay, let me see if I understand this. When the United States kidnaps people, we put them in dark cells for years on end and torture them. When Iran kidnaps people, they force them to wear ugly, ill-fitting Stalinist-era suits. Oh, I think it’s easy to see who the real criminals are, here.
SOURCE: Jennifer’s Brain Blorts
[http://weblogger.brainblorts.home.html]
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The Straight Talk Express Has Been Hit By An IED (Improvised Electioneering Device) – All Aboard The Bullshit Gravy Train!
Republican presidential hopeful John McCain toured Baghdad recently to show that the war in Iraq was going well. He has been criticized for not mentioning that, in order to be able to stroll through the marketplace, he had to be protected by 100 armed guards and two assault helicopters. Well, I say: back off of the guy! I may have had my differences with McCain, but I can tell you one thing: he uses scores of armed guards and an assault helicopter or two just to go to the corner store to get orange juice! And, don’t even ask about the security he gets when he takes his wife to dinner! That’s just the kind of guy he is: Navy through and through. And, you gotta love him for it!
SOURCE: The O’Meilly Factor
[http://www.foxynews.com/story/0,2983,96227,05.html]
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It’s Time To Drop The Dime On These Rhymes
The Rap On Rap
Chuck D
Can disagree
With me
And glower
But “Fight the Power”
Has had its hour
Who is gonna take up the fight?
The majority of rap’s listeners are white
With many leaning to the right
They don’t know what it’s like to be kicked to the curb
They come from the deepest, darkest suburbs –
To them, life on the street is just a CD cover blurb
And, who is it we have to thank for
The current strain that’s known as gangsta?
What foolish prankster
Abandoned the political get-go
For the violence of the ghetto
You think most rappers lived the life? Hell, no!
Chuck D
Can disagree
With me
But rap abandoned politics
For something both sick and slick
And it no longer does the trick
SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/178.html]
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