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The Daily Me Staff
Mifepristone Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest
Excerpt from the ruling by Texas District Court Judge Matthew Kacsmaryk banning the use of the anti-abortion drug mifepristone throughout the country:
Unborn lawyers. Unborn doctors. Unborn state representatives. To not allow them to lead full and productive lives would be tantamount to murder. Especially unborn lawyers. They would sue to be allowed to live if they had the ability to do so; it is incumbent upon those of us who are post-womb to do it for them.
Besides, even doctors have trouble saying the name of the drug. Mifeprisonsystem? Mifeprestochango? Mifeprestonofthemounties? Honestly, nobody is going to miss a drug they cannot even pronounce!
SOURCE: The Smoking Gut
[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/108096382861023470563-7946374864826327230173072840-473418378150637420952-3794147940736139500-03896273876cahs01.html]
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Boycotts Are Small Beer
INT. BAR – NIGHT
A WAITRESS is serving a MAN sitting at a table.
WAITRESS: Evening Bill.
MAN: Hey, Midge.
WAITRESS: The usual?
MAN: Yeah. Wait – no. No. I’ m off Bud Light – I don’t drink gay beer.
WAITRESS: Sounds like you. What’ll you have instead?
MAN: I think I’ll have a Budweiser.
WAITRESS: Are you sure, Bill?
MAN: Why not?
WAITRESS: It’s brewed by the same company as Bud Light – Anheuser-Busch.
MAN: Oh. Right. Then I’ll go with…Brewmaster’s Private Reserve.
WAITRESS: Still Budweiser.
MAN: Okay. Jeez. What about Michelob Light?
WAITRESS: Anheuser-Busch.
MAN: Skipjack Amber Lager?
WAITRESS: Anheuser-Busch.
MAN: Sun Dog?
WAITRESS: Anheuser-Busch.
MAN: Bare Knuckle Stout?
WAITRESS: Anheuser-Busch.
MAN: Seriously? What about Big Ballard IPA? Hunh? Is that brewed by Anheuser-Busch?
WAITRESS: No.
MAN: Good. I’ll have a Big Ballard IPA, then.
WAITRESS: Anheuser-Busch owns a minority stake in the company that brews it.
MAN: Stella Artois?
WAITRESS: Anheuser-Busch imports and distributes it.
MAN: Lowenbrau?
WAITRESS: Same.
MAN: Kirin?
WAITRESS: Same.
MAN: Budvar Czechvar?
WAITRESS: The same.
MAN: Okay. I give up. I’m going home. Bring me my bill.
WAITRESS: You haven’t ordered anything.
MAN: I’m not gonna drink gay beer, and no horizontally integrated corporation with a dominant market share can make me!
SOURCE: Weekends!
[http://www.nobc.com/Weekends/video/play.shtml?mea=227838]
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Where Have I Heard That Before?
When I am on the air, my face is a mask that betrays no emotion, because that’s what journalistic integrity demands. However, I am only human, so sometimes expressions do infiltrate my face. Like when I was interviewing Donald Trump. Now, because I don’t show emotions that often, some people have interpreted what was going on on my face that night as disgust that, after being exposed as somebody who detests the former president, I had to spend an hour fawning over him. That is simply not true. Fawning over the greatest president the country has ever known is kind of my brand. No. The expression on my face was gas from something bad I ate at the Fox News cafeteria before the show. Expect a report on how Taco Tuesdays are a way for immigrants to incapacitate decent, hard-working Americans later in the week. For now, all you need to know is that Donald Trump is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life.
SOURCE: Turducken Carlson This Late Afternoon
[https://www.fixed.com/turducken-carlson-this-late-afternoon/]
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Sarah Huckabee Sanders Is The Kindest, Bravest, Warmest, Most Wonderful Human Being I Have Ever Known In My – Heeeeey, Where Have I Heard THAT Before?
Excerpt from an Arkansas state commission application:
Three things that I admire about Sarah Huckabee Sanders:
1. Her complete dedication to her beliefs. Sure, people scoffed when she accused the Democrats of being responsible for Russia turning Communist AND for waging an immoral and unnecessary war against Russia for a country that isn’t even a NATO ally; they said Sarah was both factually inaccurate and internally inconsistent. Well, if being factually inaccurate means loving your country, I’ll have more of that, yes, please.
2. The fact that she is a woman in politics who doesn’t back down from a fight. If she wants you to say nice things about her, she’ll be up front about it. And if libs complain that she’s using her office for weird personal aggrandizement, she won’t pawn it off as some clerical error made by somebody in her office. What? She DID pawn it off as some clerical error made by somebody in her office? Well…well…well I’m sure she fought her advisers tooth and nail before she let them put that out under her name. Because Sarah’s a fighter!
3. Her smile. I tell you, man, dimples like that are proof that Gord exists!
SOURCE: The Smoking Gut
[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/108096382861023470563-7946374864826327230173072840-473418378150637420952-3794147940736139500-038962738764cahs01.html]
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Great Scott!
Great Scott?
Oh, Great! Scott!
Republican Senator Tim Scott has the same problem as other politicians who live in the Basket of Deplorables: reproductive choice is popular with a majority of Americans, so he can’t speak out against it if he wants to win re-election in 2024, but his base is fanatically anti-abortion, and he can’t speak out against that if he wants to win the party’s nomination. So, he does what all Republicans in this situation do: makes like a cat on a hot tin roof, skipping and jumping and making sounds that could be attempts at communication but don’t really mean anything.
Scott has an additional problem, though: when he looks at his neighbours in the BoD, he finds himself surrounded by people who are…let us say melanin challenged. Ben Carson lives eight blocks away. Herschel Walker lives another 20 blocks past that. Kanye West lives three time zones away. The hot tin roof may as well be the surface of the sun for him.
Not that you should feel in any way bad for him. As they used to say in the old country: “Don’t move into the Basket of Deplorables if you can’t afford the property tax!”
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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The Right Wing Of The Supreme Court Believes In An Originalist Interpretation Of The Phrase “Eating Crow”
Supreme Court justice Clarence Thomas claims that, when billionaire Harlan Crow first offered to pay for trips on his plane and yacht, he asked a couple of people if it would be ethical for him to accept the gifts without publicly disclosing them, and was advised that it would. Cynics have suggested that the people he consulted were: Harlan Crow, Harlan Crow’s chauffeur and Harlan Crow’s massage therapist.
This is unkind. And untrue. In fact, the people Thomas sought advice from were Tyler Durden, Kaiser Soze and a six foot tall rabbit named Harvey.
SOURCE: The Hill You Die On
[https://thehillyoudieon.com/homenews/administration/448839-doubting-thomas]
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