Thank you, Moms United Against Unicorns, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we came across Dream Flavoured Coca-Cola. Dream Flavoured Coca-Cola. Dream. Flavoured. Coke. At first, we were hesitant to try it – we imagined that our dreams would taste like the ashes of unfulfilled ambitions and despair. In fact, our dreams tasted like candy floss and…was that watermelon? Okay, then: candy floss and watermelon, with just a hint of deep disappointment.
We guess dreams don’t work well when they’re carbonated…
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
A Brand New Identity For The Grand Old Party
Joe Biden has called every Republican in the country, past, present and future, declared or just in their hearts – and isn’t every American a Republican on some level, whether heart, spleen or tibia? – a fascist. Not by name, of course – that would have taken 37 days, and Biden doesn’t have the stamina for that. In fact, I’d be surprised if he got to Abramson before he collapsed on the stage babbling mangled lyrics from Hamilton before passing out. President Trump could do it. President Trump could name every Republican who ever lived or who is ever going to live no matter how long it took. Standing on his head eating an apple! But we all know how amazing he is, so I won’t dwell on it. Except to say it would be an amazing feat. That he accomplished. And I’m sure the apple was delicious. The point is that there is no civility in calling your opponent a fascist. We should know – the right has been calling the other side names for years. But that’s okay – after all, it is our brand!
SOURCE: Turducken Carlson This Late Afternoon
[https://www.fixed.com/turducken-carlson-this-late-afternoon/]
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In Liz We Truss
Liz Truss was chosen leader of the Conservative Party, which makes her the Prime Minister of England. What kind of a leader will she be?
Truss has said that she will tackle the country’s biggest problems with the same determination as her hero, Margaret Thatcher. So, the country’s ailing economy will be bolstered by tax cuts and global warming will be dealt with by corporate deregulation.
You know, now that Kate Bush’s “Running Up That Hill” has reached number one forty years after it was first released, perhaps it’s time to revive Elvis Costello’s “Tramp the Dirt Down…”
SOURCE: The Smarmian
[http://www.thesmarmian.com/world/2022/sep/06/it-was-not-a-flattering-song]
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That Is One Strange Klock
Is time running out for Mark Zuckerberg to make a success out of his virtual reality platform, Meta, and save Facebook? TikTok. TikTok. TikTok.
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/220911/geeklynews/01zuckbuckshahaha.htm]
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We Are Not Amused (Although The One Involving The Hippopotamus Almost Got A Smile Out Of We)
Queen Elizabeth II has died at the age of 86. The internet immediately exploded with jokes about the royal demise. Everybody mourns in their own way, I guess.
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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COVID? Phew! I Thought Jobs Were Going Unfilled Because Employers Weren’t Willing To Pay Employees What Their Labour Was Worth, Which Would Be A Sad Indictment Of The Current Capitalist System
Thanks For Setting Me Straight!
“Long COVID may be one of the many reasons why in a recession, labour paradoxically still remains scarce. Millions likely stay home in utter disbelief that they are battling long COVID. Other isolate in deadly fear of getting either the acute or chronic form of the illness.”
– Victor Davis Hanson, classicist and historian
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Of Course It Was
And Mexico Paid For It
MONDAY: God grant me the serenity to stop eating the things that are bad for me, the courage to eat the things that are good for me, and the wisdom to know the difference.
TUESDAY: I don’t mind that Steve Bannon took a salary to administer the funds raised by WeBuildTheWall, Inc., the non-profit company that he started to help finance President Donald Trump’s border wall to stop illegal immigrants from taking over the United States. It would be a small price to pay to get the wall built. The wall was built, right? Sure, it was. President Trump kept telling us how beautiful it was; it couldn’t have been described as beautiful if it didn’t exist. Of course the border wall was built…although, now that I think about it, I don’t recall seeing any photos of it from space. The border wall…was built…wasn’t it?
WEDNESDAY: It was, wasn’t it?
THURSDAY: Queen Elizabeth has died. Now, we have to call Prince Floppy-ears King Floppy-ears. If I was British, I would demand a refund on the monarchy – it’s obviously past its best by date.
FRIDAY: I tried to give a flying hug to Simon in shipping to show him how much I was into him. I ended up bouncing off a wall and hugging the office water cooler. But it looked so easy in Howl’s Moving Castle!
SATURDAY: Elon Musk doesn’t like Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power? His grand pronouncement on the subject (the male characters weren’t manly enough men for him) has driven lots of people who might otherwise have been indifferent to it to watch the show. Me, included. He might want to think twice before his next foray into media criticism…
SUNDAY: Wasn’t it?
SOURCE: Random Thoughts and Blood Clots Home Page
[http:suzie.randomthoughts&bloodclots.blogspeck.com]
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That’s Governor For Life In The Political Sense, Not The Reproductive Sense
New York City Resident Fernand Ochoa has won a Nobel Prize for his groundbreaking technology that takes greenhouse gases out of the atmosphere and turns them into frozen yogurt. His international chain of frozen yogurt stands has not only reversed global warming, but it has brought billions of dollars of revenue to the state. In his acceptance speech, he praised America, saying he was happy that the country took him in when he had no place else to go, and that he hoped his discovery would make life better – and tastier – for the people of his adopted country.
When asked if he stood by his decision to bus undocumented migrants to New York 20 years earlier, Texas Governor For Life Greg Abbott scowled and said, “Let those northern bastards have their petty victories. I’m Governor For Life! Somebody bring me a pregnant woman to humiliate!”
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=3789i2641390141356787fx]
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