Thank you, Marc “Je Suis” Desolee, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, a Quebec judge ruled in a case of criminal harassment that “it is not a crime to give someone the finger. Flipping the proverbial bird is a God-give, Charter enshrined right that belongs to every red-blooded Canadian.”
Of course it is. If God didn’t want people to give each other the middle finger, he would have created us with only four digits! We don’t know how purple- or orange-blooded Canadians fit in with God’s plan, but we’re sure that He created acceptable visual obscenities for them, as well.
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Florida Man Headlines No Longer Amusing
The Courage to Be Free*
Ron DeSantis
320 pages (but it feels like forever)
HarperCollinsGoebbelsRiefenstahl Publishers
Everybody who aspires to become President of the United States must pay somebody to ghostwrite an inspirational volume under their name. Why? I suppose because if you can’t afford to pay somebody to ghostwrite an inspirational volume under your name, you can’t be trusted to lead the world’s largest economy. Of course, just because you can afford to pay somebody to ghostwrite an inspirational volume under your name there is no guarantee that you can be trusted to lead the world’s largest economy. So, we fall back on the question: why?
According to Ron DeSantis’ book, Florida is the freest place in the world. Given that freedom is based on the ability to choose, how does DeSantis justify this argument? If you’re gay, you’re free to stay in the closet or move to another state. If you’re black, you’re free to spend hours in line to vote (and risk having your vote challenged or thrown out after the fact) or move to another state. If you’re in school, you’re free to learn a whitewashed version of American history or move to another state. If you’re a woman, you’re free to have a dozen children or move to another state…but you better hurry, because abortion rights are shrinking across the country even as we speak.
And if you disagree with DeSantis’ definition of freedom? I think you know what you can do…
* To Do Whatever I Tell You To Do
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.45.09/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
more
Cohones…In The Biblical Sense
And the Lord, Your God, sayeth, “Vengeance is mine.” And the Trump, Your False Idol, didst say, “Holdeth my beer.” At the Conservative Pious Action for Conservatives Conference, Trump didst say, “In 2016, I declared I am your voice. Today I add: I am your warrior. I am your justice. And for those who have been wronged and betrayed, I am your retribution. I am your retribution.” And the Lord, Your God, did verily shaketh His weary head and didst say, “Do you believe the cohones on this guy?”
SOURCE: The Bible – The Continuing Story
[http://www.thenewestnewtestament.com/the_further_teachings_of_jesus/on_vengeance/lk06_37a.html]
more
Excuse Me A Second, Will You? I Seem To Have A Bit Of Grift In My Eye…
So, Kyle Rittenhouse was on Turducken Carlson’s show begging people to send him money so he can defend himself against a civil lawsuit. “This lawsuit is very frustrating and it’s upsetting…” Rittenhouse said. “If they can come after me, they will come after you.”
Really? Did I cross state lines with the intention of murdering black people and not even know about it? Perhaps I was sleep murdering? Because, honestly, if I wasn’t sleep murdering people, I don’t think anybody will be coming after me!
SOURCE: Weekends!
[http://www.nobc.com/Weekends/video/play.shtml?mea=227753]
more
That’s A…Very Specific Address…
Loblaw CEO Galen G. Weston, testifying at a Parliamentary hearing into potential price gouging by Canada’s three major grocery chains, claimed that the company’s record profits didn’t come from food, but from makeup and medication.
“When you say makeup,” NDP leader Jagmeet Singh grilled him, “are you referring to the kind that comes out of cows and is delicious in an omelette?”
When Weston denied the allegation, Singh continued, “So, you’re referring to the makeup that comes out of pigs and is delicious fried up as a side dish to a makeup omelette?”
“No, sir,” Weston denied that allegation. But when pressed, he said that he couldn’t share actual numbers because they are commercially sensitive. “We are obligated by the securities commission to speak the truth on this,” Weston argued, “so you can trust what we say.”
The sigh from 100 King Street West, Suite 7210 could be heard as far away as Nunavut.
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1088591442813&call_pageid=960275278492&col=968666974464]
more
Asses Wanted (In A Variety Of Senses)
WANTED: Conference Attendees / ass-sitters (National Harbor, MD)
Hey, y’all! You know how most jobs expect you to, like, do stuff? Wouldn’t you love a job where all you had to do was sit on your ass all day? Of course you would! Who wouldn’t? Well, sir, I’m a public relations specialist, and we’ve been assigned to fill empty capacity for a major conference being held this week. There will be bigly guests at this event, and the job is perfect for anyone who is gullible, angry and looking for a target for their rage. (Concealed weapons optional.) We are paying $7-$12/hour for experienced chair fillers (this includes a free ticket to the conference, worth up to $29,000 for the shrinking number of people who care to get one). No experience necessary! Make sure your ass is in good shape, because it’s going to get a real workout!
SOURCE: Your Guide To Getting Jobbed
[http://on.ygtgj.com/listings/040938.qrhtml]
more
Methinks The Laddie Doth Protesters Too Much
Now, some of you may have heard that I wrote that I hate President Trump passionately. Shame on you for getting your news from another source. I…I thought you and I had a…special relationship. You know: exclusive. I…I’m hurt that you felt the need to go somewhere else for your news. Have I not given you everything you could have ever hoped for? Everything you have ever wanted? I feel so…betrayed. I suppose I could forgive you. But you have to promise me that you will never cheat on me again, that from here on out it’s just you and me and no other sources of news. Can you do that? You know you want to. Because you don’t want to miss my next exclusive from the January 6 footage: an empty hallway proves that there were no protesters in the Capitol Building!
SOURCE: Turducken Carlson This Late Afternoon
[https://www.fixed.com/turducken-carlson-this-late-afternoon/]
more