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The Daily Me – Lobsang Kalinowski

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Thank you, Lobsang Kalinowski, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. As our tour of the Daily Me staff continues, we find ourselves on the management floor of the Flecter Building. When she got wind of what we were doing, Vice President, Operations Moira von Deliquescence assured us that if we said anything negative about her, we would all be rightsizoutsourceplacemismed and replaced by the writing staff of Two and a Half Men.

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

Don’t They Know It’s Rude To Talking Point?

Does it seem like the President’s talking points on Iraq are getting hazier and less connected to reality all the time? There is a reason for that.

These are the President’s talking points, circa January, 2004. They are everything you could want in talking points: simple, to the point, not allowing for any negativity or opposing points of view. Especially opposing points of view. Unfortunately, time is never kind to talking points…

These are the President’s talking points a year later, circa January, 2005. Notice that the points haven’t changed – the President has his story and is sticking to it. However, you may notice something creeping into the top of his Power Point slide. You may even recognize it – that’s right, it’s doubt.

These are the President’s talking points, circa January, 2006. Notice how the doubt is beginning to take over the slide, obscuring the President’s generally upbeat message. Some politicians would try to change their message in order to beat back the doubt, but George W. Bush is made of sterner stuff! No matter how much doubt he encounters, he will never abandon the message that has been oh so carefully crafted by his advisers.

Unfortunately, circumstances can overtake even the most optimistic Power Point representations of a politician’s talking points, as this slide, circa January, 2007 clearly shows. Has the President stayed on message? Who knows? Who cares? Doubt has all but taken over, making the President’s intended message all but irrelevant.

SOURCE: Politics for Dummies

[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=524&dir=bb]
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Oddly Enough, They’ll Never Recommend The Art Of Selling Over The Internet

Dear Customer,

We’ve noticed that customers who have purchased or rated The Cat in the Hat by Doctor Seuss have also purchased The Art of War by Sun Tzu. For this reason, you might like to know that The Art of War is now available at a savings of 37%. You can order yours by following the link below.

SOURCE: The Smoking Gut

[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/108096025374786cahs01.html]
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Never Accept A Pat Answer


“You have no civil liberties if you are dead.”

– Kansas Senator Pat Roberts

“Give me liberty or give me death.”


– Patrick Henry, some dead guy


SOURCE: No Comment Quotes

[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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And, Don’t Count On A Reasonable Explanation

In a dramatic speech, President George W. Bush said: “If you’re interested in avoiding World War III, it seems like you ought to be interested in preventing them [Iran] from having the knowledge necessary to make a nuclear weapon.”

He said this despite the fact that many of his closest advisers argue that the war on terror is World War IV (the Cold War being World War III). You can only assume one of two things from this discrepancy: either nobody is bothering to tell the President what they believe is really going on in the world, or George W. Bush, President of the United States and leader of the free world, can’t count!

SOURCE: Late Tonight with David Lenoman

[http://marketing.ubs.com/latetonight/latetonightshow/monologue]
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You’re Smart – You Graduated From University – Start Writing Form Letters Of Your Own

To the Dean of Students:

Ah, yes, I remember the days spent at your institution. The classrooms that hold 1,000 people taught me a lot about how a sardine feels. Trying to switch courses after the first week of term gave me a greater appreciation of the term “Kafkanian.” And, the incident in outside the Dean’s office, well, the less said about that, the better.

I fondly remember the fact that you merged my department with the Department of Moth Larvae the year after I graduated. I especially remember the stirring speech in which you announced the merger, saying, “If we could have found a programme even more obscure than Moth Larvae to merge with this department, we most assuredly would have!”

I think you will appreciate, then, why I am not going to contribute to the Alumnae Fund this or any other year!

SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles

[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Do As We Say, Not As We Doodoo

The Bush administration is pressing Turkey not to send troops into the Kurdish part of Iraq to fight Kurdish separatists who have killed Turkish soldiers.

“You send troops into that country,” American diplomats have been telling high Turkish officials, “and you’ll find it almost impossible to get them out. It will cost you billions and billions, not to mention the lives of thousands of your troops. Trust me, you don’t want to get involved in that kind of quagmire!”

Kurdish leaders responded with the following memo: “Hunh?”

SOURCE: Disassociated Press

[http://www.bltdaily.com/]
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Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back To Being Me


“IRA BEATS 9/11, SAYS NOBEL WINNER”

Toronto Star headline on an article where Nobel Literature Prize Winner Doris Lessing explains that the terrorist attacks of the Irish Republican Army were more serious than the terrorist attack of 9/11


SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines

[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1376533038]
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Journalists Really Need To Stop Playing With Their Polls

A new poll shows that when offered the choice between having foreigners on their soil or being gnawed on by rabid mongoosii, fully 87 per cent of Afghan citizens would rather have the foreigners. The other 13 per cent are believed to be unfit to serve trial.

The poll also shows that a solid majority of Afghan citizens – 98 per cent – would rather foreigners fought and died for their freedom than Afghans. Of that number, only two per cent knew that some of those foreigners were actually Canadians. When told that many of those foreigners were Canadians, 98 per cent of that two per cent responded, “Well, shoot, I would have preferred if it was Tuvulans. You Canadians seem right nice. Still, better you than us.”

It’s not surprising that the Conservative government of Stephen Harper is using the apparent will of the Afghan people to determine Canada’s position on the Afghan war. It’s not like he’s prepared to use the will of the Canadian people.

SOURCE: Toronto Startle

[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=10885918659813&call_pageid=968442278492&col=968632972154]
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