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Tory MP Gurmant Grewel has released the tape of his entire conversation with Prime Minister Paul Martin’s Chief of Staff Tim Murphy. As the following excerpts rivetingly show, the offer of a possible senior position with the Liberal government if he crossed the floor was the least of what they discussed!
GURMANT GREWEL (GG): So, what about those Blue Jays? Think they’ll make the wild card spot in the playoffs this year?
TIM MURPHY (TM): You know, I think the way the pitching is coming along…just thinking about the pitching and the way it impacts on the game…at one level, it’s just about impossible not to be hopeful about a better year…obviously, nobody knows what will happen, that’s one of the great things about competitive sports and we just have to accept that. But, if they play their cards right…no guarantees –
GG: So, is that a yes or a no?
TM: I believe I stated my position clearly.
GG: So…
TM: Yeah…
GG: Hunh…
TM: Right…
GG: Hunh?
TM: Yeah.
GG: Right.
TM: So…
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
DEAR MISSED MANNERS: While occupying a foreign nation, some of my soldiers accidentally arrested the leader of a moderate political party we were kind of hoping would participate in our puppet government. Oops! How can we make it up to them?
DEAR HEART: My, that is awkward, isn’t it? Oops, indeed. A gift is probably in order to help smooth things over. Some occupying forces give chocolate. Others offer up the head of the leaders’ enemy on a platter. Served with a big plate of humility, you may find that a candlelit dinner is just the thing to smooth over this bump in your relationship.
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
https://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca
“The audacity of some members to stand up and say, ‘How dare you break this rule,’ it’s the equivalent of Adolf Hitler in 1942 saying, ‘I’m in Paris. How dare you invade me. How dare you bomb my city. It’s mine.’ This is no more the rule of the Senate than it was the rule of the Senate before not to filibuster.”
– Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum commenting on…the filibuster rule, we think – it’s kind of hard to tell…
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml
“Oh, and Mindy Cohen of Sioux Lookout has pledged $20 to help Lord Black out of his current financial…situation. Mindy said that when she found out that Lord Black was selling his estate in London, well, her heart just went out to him. It’s a touching story, isn’t it, Meg?”
“Absolutely, Biff. And, it’s the reason we’re holding this telethon. I mean, how dire are Lord Black’s financial straits? He couldn’t afford to hire somebody to spirit 12 boxes of documents out of Hollinger Incorporated’s head office.”
“You mean, he carried the boxes himself?”
“Exactly! Can you imagine a member of the British House of Lords stooping to do manual labour?”
“Oh, the humanity!”
“So, please, give. Give with all your heart.”
SOURCE: CanWest Blowhole
http://www.canada.com/blowholetv.html
It was recently announced that Paris Hilton is engaged to her boyfriend, Greek shipping heir Paris Latsis. This must make for a complex relationship.
“Ooh, yes, Paris, stroke me there.”
“Are you talking to me, Paris?”
“Who else would I be talking to, Paris?”
“You could be talking to Paris.”
“Ooh…”
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smg2005/2005/05/31/notrocketscientists/
You know what the problem with Communists is? They have such an idealized vision of humanity that they are constantly being let down by living human beings. You know what the problem with capitalists is? They have a low opinion of humanity and they get positively giddy when it is proven correct by the actions of living human beings.
Listen up, political assholes! Human beings are not plot points in an econometric model!
Capitalists give me a headache. Communists give me gas.
SOURCE: Listen Up, Asshole
http://www.(^!$%!$#_)!(*)!*)*)*#%!&&%(.com/index.html
Reading Body Language Is Such An Important Skill For A Puppet
How Iraqis democratically control their own country.
“From now on, the military will not raid Mosques,” the Iraqi defense minister announces. In the back of the room, an unnamed American military adviser shakes his head strongly.
The Iraqi defense minister coughs. “Umm, actually, on second thought, we will not raid Mosques on holy days, but we will keep the right to enter them on other days.” The unnamed military adviser shakes his head, more thoughtfully now.
“No, no, that’s not good enough,” the Iraqi defense minister states, peering intently at the back of the room. “Iraqi forces – Iraqi forces?” Non-committal nod. “Yes, umm, well, Iraqi forces will respect Mosques – of course! – but…” Frown. “But…will raid mosques if they are being used as insurgent strongholds.”
Smiles all around.
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=266&dir=bb
Bet You Didn’t See This One Coming
Which heavily journalized event do I care less about: Karla Homolka’s release from prison or the Queen’s visit to Canada?
Hmm. On the one hand, there is a woman who has served her time, but the press gets to go into deliriously pornographic detail about her heinous crimes. On the other, we have a symbol of Canada’s increasingly distant relationship with the monarchy.
Tough choice. I think I care less about…the release of Star Wars, Episode Three: Revenge of the Sith.
SOURCE: The Amazing Chocolate Yummies Blog
Okay, This One Was A Little More Obvious
Researchers at the University of Nevada have injected sheep with stem cells from people, making them as much as 10 per cent human. Oddly enough, this makes the sheep more human than Vice President Dick Cheney.
SOURCE: Late Tonight with David Lenoman
http://marketing.ubs.com/latetonight/latetonightshow/monologue
Two Small Letters, Tons of Trouble
An advertisement in recent newspapers has the headline “SAME-SEX ‘MARRIAGE’ Why ‘Yes’ Means ‘No.'” And, here I thought that heterosexual men were finally getting the whole “No means no” thing…
SOURCE: Yellow Triangle Blues
http://ytb.gay/May_2005/bigotrymasqueradingasreligiousrights.htm