Thank you, I Survived 2020 and Ali G, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we were looking through want ads – purely out of curiosity – don’t read anything into it – it’s not like we’re dissatisfied with our jobs or could use more money or anything like that – we said it’s not, so drop it, okay‽ In this economy, we’d be lucky to get a job that paid pin money, and we hate bowling! The point is that we came across an ad that read: “Exciting start-up seeks Interns.” And, we thought, “Is there any such thing as a “ho-hum start-up?” We couldn’t remember ever seeing an ad for a job at a “tedious and dull, dull, deadly dull and boring start-up.” We asked around, and nobody could recall a start-up ever being described as “soul-crushing and -“
Whether or not we’re polishing our resumes has nothing to do with it! We were just trying to comment about something we noticed – you know what? Never mind. Observational humour is clearly lost on some people!
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
As Bruce Cockburn Truly Sang: “The Problem With Deplorable Is They Always Gets Worse!”
I must admit that I didn’t pay a lot of attention in Sunday school – I was more interested in what I could do with Mary-Ellen Schustrup’s ponytails than in all of the actions I needed to stop doing if I was going to avoid going to Hell. Still, being an eight year-old boy, I’m pretty sure I would have remembered if somebody had started talking about holy ammunition.
If Pastor Rick Wiles had been running my Sunday school instead of Sister Maria-Theresa Ignatius Cruella de Ville, it may have been more worth paying attention to. It wouldn’t take much to recast Biblical incidents using Wiles’ unique brand of paranoid conspiracy theory.
“The real reason the dinosaurs died out? The other animals smeared them with fake news, poisoning Noah’s mind against them. When the flood came and he had to determine which animals would be allowed to survive on the ark? It was a foregone conclusion!”
“Caesar Augustus is in possession of two million Pilate ‘pears. But, honest Romans don’t have to tolerate this any more! What are you gonna do when they come for your spears?”
You get the idea.
Is there any evidence that the Obama administration stockpiled ammunition that can now be used by the Biden administration against American citizens? Don’t be silly. Proof is the enemy of faith, and faith is what keeps the heads of everybody who lives in the Basket of Deplorables from exploding!
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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Tyler Wasn’t What Angrified Me About The Whole Schemazzle…
Cineplex has announced that after nearly a decade, it has decided to sever its ties with TimePlay, which supplied it with an interactive experience that moviegoers could enjoy (if that’s not stretching the meaning of the word to the snapping point) before movies started. That figures. Just when I was soooooo close to getting TimePlay to actually work on my phone!
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/210110/geeklynews/01canadianmoviegoerhahaha.htm]
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We’re Talking Nanoseconds, Here
In light of the President’s role in the assault on the Capitol building, Democrats in the House of Representatives have drafted a second impeachment bill. While they have control of that part of Congress, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has stated that he cannot possibly bring articles of impeachment to the floor of his branch of government until an hour after Joe Biden has been sworn in as President of the United States.
There is a simple solution to this problem. The Democrats have to convince McConnell that “impeach the President” is actually code for “appoint a Supreme Court judge.” He’ll have the Senate in session faster than President Trump declared victory after the polls closed on election night!
SOURCE: Cohan
[http://teamcoho.com/video/opening-monologue-01-01-11]
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Fortunately, I Don’t Have That Problem: As A Writer, I Know Exactly How Non-essential I Am!
It’s Embarrassing How Non-essential I Am, Actually…
“Ontario workers confused about why they’re essential”
– Toronto Star
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1556523448]
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Now, If Only They Could Apply It To Income Inequality…
Or, Policing Of Minority Neighbourhoods…
Or, The Environment…
Or…
A new survey shows that 48% of Canadians visited family or friends during the holidays. The poll also showed that 62% of Canadians have little to no confidence in the government’s ability to limit the spread of COVID-19.
This level of self-awareness is very impressive.
SOURCE: NOW and THEN
[http://www.now&thentoronto.com/news/story.cfm?content=447055]
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Les Pages aux Folles: Making Shakespeare More Accessible To Modern Audiences One Mangled Quote At A Time
Director Joan Micklin Silver has died at the age of 85 from vascular dementia. The director of Hester Street and Crossing Delancey has crossed the street from which no pedestrian ever returns…
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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We’re Talking Nanoseconds, He – Wait A Minute: Where Have I Heard That Before?
With less than two weeks left in President Trump’s term of office, the Democrats are committed to holding a vote on impeaching him for a second time. Forget COVID-19 vaccines, this is the true Operation Warp Speed!
SOURCE: Jimmy Kippel – Live! (On Tape Delay)
[http://beta.abc.go.com/shows/jimmy-kippel-live-ish/blogs/monologue]
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The Fish Expands The Rot In Its Economy From The Head
Before Great Britain left the European Union, Scottish fisherpersons could sell their catch to France on the same day. After Britain left the EU, Scottish fish have been saddled with a lovely bow of red tape, which has resulted in their delivery being delayed for several days.
“It’s not a great loss,” claimed British Prime Minister Boris Johnson. “The French – they’ll smother the fish in noxious sauces or unpalatable herbs and spices. That’s to hide the fact that they’ve undercooked them. Honestly, not allowing the French to desecrate poor sea creatures in the name of the ‘culinary arts’ is doing everybody a favour!”
What about the fisherpeople who can longer make a living? “You know, every problem is multi-faceted. You focus on your priorities and I’ll focus on mine!”
SOURCE: The Smarmian
[http://www.thesmarmian.com/world/2021/jan/09/british-pm-plays-with-his-…boris]
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Mitch McConnell (And He Should Know, Because He’s The One Who Loaded The Gun)
When they lose a couple of seats in the House, even when they are able to maintain control of the chamber, Democrats go into paroxysms of self-examination. When their leader encourages a violent overthrow of a democratically elected government, which a majority of their Congresspeople support through their silence, Republicans demand…that Democrats go into paroxysms of self-examination.
Who says bi-partisanship in Washington is dead?
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2007Jan12.html]
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