Thank you, Honore Shuster, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we never understood the reverence for Grey Poupon. We mean, mustard is mustard. It accentuates the taste of hamburgers and hides the taste of hot dogs. You’d have to be a mustard snob to care about the difference between brands (although we will allow that Hackney’s Discount Mustard is vile).
Grey Poupon. Can anybody explain the attraction? Anybody?
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Sadistic Cops Oppress, Repress & Punch Indiscriminately Over Nothing
…Or So We Imagine
A toad met a SCORPION Unit by the side of a river. “Take me across the river on your back,” the SCORPION Unit commanded.
“But you will sting me to death on the journey!” the toad protested.
“Why would I do that?” the SCORPION Unit argued. “If I stung you in the middle of the river, we would both drop into the water and I would drown.”
That seemed to make sense. So, the toad told the SCORPION Unit to hop on his back and started to swim across the river. Halfway across, the toad felt a sting on his back and something warm begin to flow through his veins.
“Why did you do that?” the toad angrily demanded. “Now we’re both going to die!”
The SCORPION Unit said: “No, we’re not. My union representative should be on its way on a raft to save me.”
The toad asked, “If you knew your union representative was going to be by with a raft, why did you ask me to take you across the river?”
The SCORPION Unit told it: “I was trained that toads are the enemy.”
SOURCE: Bill’s Bitter Pills
[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
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Christmas Has Come Early This Year
Consider It The Invocation Of The Santos Clause
Republican Representative George Santos has stepped aside from his committee assignments to fight allegations that his real name is Anthony Devolder, he isn’t the Queen of England and he doesn’t even know how to play volleyball. Without any actual work to do, Devoldos will have more time to…well, he will be able to…I mean, umm…spend more time justifying being in Congress on far right media.
Oh, and fundraise. According to sources within Santolder’s office, he hopes to make enough money to be able to go back in time and loan his campaign $700,000.
“That should satisfy all of the investigators into his campaign finances,” explained campaign representative Kitara Ravache. “Seriously. Everything has been explained. They can leave him alone, now.”
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/living/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1106749503963281.xml]
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Projection – No Longer Just For Movie Theatres
They talk incessantly about “cancel culture” even as they ban books.
They talk obsessively about their opposition being “precious snowflakes” even as they change school curricula to ensure that their children won’t be offended by America’s racist history.
Their pundits claim “the media” is lying to you in one breath, then claim that Donald Trump won the 2020 election (even though they will testify under oath that they knew he didn’t) in the next.
They tell people to stop being sheeple and to think for themselves even as they swallow everything they are told by their political leaders and media outlets.
You’ve got to hand it to the (increasingly mainstream) far right: at least they’re consistent.
SOURCE: Hypocrisy Watch
[http://www.hwatch.ca/camp/RelsMar1506.html]
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Long-Term Care = Short-Term Profits
0-0) The Canadian government has set national standards for Long-Term Care residences. Some provinces, like Ontario, will not mandate the standards. What can we learn from this?
a) Pete Townshend knew what he was talking about when he wrote, “I hope I die before I get old”
b) all provinces are equal, but some provinces are more equal than others
c) no, seriously, pay attention to Pete Townshend – he may not have taken his own advice, but he knew what he was talking about!
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Meet The New Answer
Same As The Old Answer
Man, You Should REALLY Listen to Answer c)!
When It Comes To Pleading The Fifth, I Plead…You Know…
I once asked, “If you’re innocent, why are you taking the Fifth Amendment?” Now I know the answer to that question. When your family, your company, and all the people in your orbit have become the targets of an unfounded, politically motivated Witch Hunt supported by lawyers, prosecutors, and the Fake News Media, you have no choice. Accordingly, under the advice of my counsel and for all of the above reasons, I declined to answer the questions under the rights and privileges afforded to every citizen under the United States Constitution.
Same answer.
Same answer.
Same answer.
Same answer.
Same answer.
Same answer.
Same answer.
Same answer.
Same answer.
Same answer.
Same answer.
Same answer.
Same answer.
Same answer.
Same answer.
Same answer.
Same…
SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/858.html]
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“GROWING A SPINE MIGHT BE A GOOD STRATEGY FOR YOU,” Death added, “BUT, HONESTLY, WHAT I KNOW ABOUT HUMAN ANATOMY COULD FIT IN A THIMBLE. IT’S THAT JOB DESCRIPTION THING AGAIN…”
Republicans are not willing to challenge former Donald Trump’s power. They are so afraid of alienating his base that when he says, “Boo!” they ask, “How high?”
However, many sources within the leadership of the Republican Party are saying that they hope that he dies soon. They don’t want it to be violent or anything (at least, not when they’re talking on the record): a fast-acting but ultimately untraceable poison, perhaps, or a 19th century wasting away disease would do nicely.
“I’D LIKE TO HELP YOU. REALLY, I WOULD,” Death responded. “UNFORTUNATELY, HELPING POLITICIANS SOLVE PROBLEMS OF THEIR OWN MAKING IS NOT IN MY JOB DESCRIPTION.”
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2023Feb01.html]
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Questions Are A Burden To Others; Answers Are A One-way Ticket To Prison For Oneself.
George Anthony (not the popular singer, the other one, the Republican whose gift to late night comedians just keeps on giving) has said that he would not resign from his seat in the House of Representatives. Whether or not he stayed in office should be up to the people who elected him he, and many in the party and their supporters in the media, argued.
How does that square with a recent poll which showed that 78% of people in his district, including 71% of registered Republicans, wanted him to resign?
“That wasn’t my district – it was the one next door,” George Anthony explained. “What? It was my district? Well, I’ve got a statistic for you: 100% of the people who responded to the survey were dead! So, unless Democrats recruit them to vote in the next election, their opinion doesn’t coun – what? They were not contacted through a seance? They really were alive? I’d like to answer that question – I’ve got a really good answer, too, but…well, I’m late for…I mean, umm…there’s somebody in my office who desperately needs advice on fly fishing lures. See ya!“
SOURCE: Disassociated Press
[http://www.bltdaily.com/]
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