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The Daily Me Staff
Oh, Eww!
President Bush has denied that he has been using dead soldiers and their grieving families as blunt instruments to bludgeon the Democratic Congress into giving him the war funds that he has demanded. “See, Sergeant Montez was more comfortable sitting on my lap than lying in that cold wooden box,” the President said. “Looked a lot more natural, too, a lot more lifelike.”
SOURCE: Deadline News Network
[http://www.dnn.com/2007/ALLPOLITICS/11/02/reps.main/index.html]
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Newspaper To PM: The Feeling Is Mutual
PM to cities: Drop dead
– Toronto Star headline
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1378564472]
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You Kind Of Doubt Satan Even Owns A Pair Of Ice Skates
secant of potassium) When will Canada condemn President Pervez Musharraf’s seizure of power in Pakistan?
a) when Hell freezes over
b) when the Americans do, indicating that it’s safe for lesser nations to
c) yeah, like I said, when Hell freezes over
secant of potassium with icing on top) Okay. So. Former Prime Minister Brian Mulroney was given a $2.1 million settlement from the Canadian government because the RCMP was investigating him over allegations that German businessman Karlheinz Schreiber gave him $300,000 for some nefarious purpose. Mulroney said he barely knew the man and had never formally met him. Only, it turns out, tee hee, that Mulroney actually knew the man well and met him on several occasions. When will Mulroney give the money back?
a) when Canadian geese decide to winter in Banff instead of hauling ass south
b) when Stephen Harper asks oh so nicely for it
c) after Canada condemns President Pervez Musharraf’s seizure of power in Pakistan
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Fool Me 27 Times And Shame On…Well…Shame Stops Being A Factor
WHITE HOUSE: Iraq has weapons of mass destruction! It is a threat to the United States, its neighbours and the world! We must stop it before something awful happens!
PRESS: OKAY!
WHITE HOUSE: Umm…it looks like Iraq didn’t have weapons of mass destruction. Oops. However, it was aiding terrorists who threatened our way of life, so we had to do something.
PRESS: Okay.
WHITE HOUSE: Uhh…yeah, about that. Iraq wasn’t aiding terrorists who were a threat to our way of life. But, uhh, Saddam Hussein was an evil dictator and his people are better off without him.
PRESS: O…kay…
WHITE HOUSE: Yeah, well, the Iraqi people may seem worse off now than they were under Saddam Hussein, but they will eventually achieve democracy, and that’s what this war has been about all along.
PRESS: O…kay…?
WHITE HOUSE: Iran has weapons of mass destruction! It is a threat to the United States, its neighbours and the world! We must stop it before something awful happens!
PRESS: OKAY!
SOURCE: Politics for Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=527&dir=bb]
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Compliant?
“I think he’s the kind of president Americans can like.”
– Laurent Mellier, director of a French cultural centre in Washington, on French President Nicolas Sarkozy
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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But, Who Wouldn’t Like To Watch Vajayjay Leno?
MONDAY: I used to think the shortest period of time was a nanosecond. Actually, the shortest period of time occurs between the moment when Al Gore wins the Nobel Peace Prize and Republican pundits denounce Gore, the Nobels and sun spots. You can’t really blame them, though. Former Democratic politicians like Gore and Jimmy Carter seem to have distinguished post-White House careers. Former Republican politicians seem to retire to disgrace (Nixon) or obscurity (GHW Bush or Ford). If I was a Republican, I’d be pissed.
TUESDAY: Okay, I know “vagina” sounds kind of clinical. But, vajayjay? Really? I’d like to remind you that the male equivalent – pee pee – is usually considered a sign of immaturity when uttered by anybody over the age of four.
WEDNESDAY: George Stroumboulopoulos laughs like a girl. I’m not saying – I’m just saying.
THURSDAY: Why do people end screeds with “Think about it?” If your rant wasn’t sufficient food for thought, do you really think telling us to think about is going to make a difference. “Gee, I didn’t really care about that article, until the writer said, ‘Think about it.’ So, I did. Man, there was more to it than I thought.” It’s not necessary! Really! Next time you’re tempted to use the phrase, THINK ABOUT IT!
FRIDAY: As a University lecturer, I make around $90 an hour. That works out to about a buck and a half a minute. That means I make more than most telephone psychics, but less than most telephone sex workers. Now, explain to me why perspective is a good thing?
SATURDAY: November 4 is Use Your Common Sense Day. What does that make the rest of the days of the year?
SUNDAY: Did nobody in the Pentagon or the White House see the contradiction that when you have been shocked and awed you won’t have the energy to throw flowers at or cheer on the people who did it to you?
SOURCE: Random Thoughts and Blood Clots
[http:suzie.randomthoughts&bloodclots.blogspeck.com]
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Make Them Wear Heavy Gloves While In The Office
“How to stymie light-fingered workers”
– Globe and Mail Report on Business headline
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1372539868]
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It Would Sound Even Worse If The Announcer Was Darth Vader
ANNOUNCER: (ominous) Stephane Dion wants to reach into your pocket and rape your wallet by raising the GST back to where it was before we lowered it. What a bastard! He wants this extra money to pay for… (oozing contempt) …social programmes. National day care. Fixing health care. Aiding cities burdened by decades of offloading. Who does he think he is? Santa Claus? Canadians would rather pay for these things out of their own pockets than let them be controlled by… (heavy reverb) Big Brother Stephane!
SECOND ANNOUNCER: Paid for by the Conservative Party of Canada.
SOURCE: Ad Meek
[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=1095268784]
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