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The Daily Me – Guyz.com

Book 29 Cover

Thank you, Guyz.com, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we discovered that it isn’t easy to whistle while you’re blowing your nose. Like, a lot not easy. Fortunately, we like a challenge. And, we have a lot of time on our hands…

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

I Don’t Know How It Goes In My Country, But In Your Country Congessional Hearings Are The Empty Calories Of Everybody’s Information Diet

Say you are an Member of Parliament on a committee that is investigating allegations of interference in a recent vote in your country. It happens. When you announce that you will be calling two of the principles in the company in to testify in front of your committee, they respond by saying that they will fully cooperate with you. What should you make of these claims of cooperation?

Try to keep in mind that even Members of Parliament have to settle.

YOU WANT: All relevant documents relating to the alleged interference, plus full and frank testimony about all aspects of the company’s suspicious activities.

WHAT YOU WILL SETTLE FOR: An avalanche of documents which appear to show the day to day running of the company, but, in fact, raise more questions than they answer, plus testimony about how wonderful the company is and why don’t you go and pick on somebody else for a change?

WHAT YOU’LL GET: A smattering of unrelated documents that deal with travel arrangements and food allowances, plus sarcastic testimony about how politicians should deal with real problems and stop getting in the way of the entrepreneurs who make the economy function, a lot of answers that sound good but contain no information and much refusal to answer for fear of self-incrimination.

SOURCE: The Amazing Chocolate Yummies Blog

[http://www.chocoyummies.net/]
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What Was It Reagan Said? Distrust But Vilify?

Israeli Ministry of Intelligence Director-General Chagal Tzuriel has asked Ottawa to agree to reopen negotiations with Iran on its nuclear programme, claiming that the nation had lied about its efforts to build a nuclear weapon.

“They said that they would be producing 3.2768 kilos of uranium a week for domestic energy use,” Tzuriel said. “Well! We have it on good authority that they have been producing 3.2769 kilos of uranium a week. Obviously, the next step is a nuclear bomb which they will use to obliterate Jerusalem!”

When it was pointed out that there was nothing new in his presentation, that, in fact, his information had been internationally known for several years, Tzuriel replied, “In that time, they could have produced a whole…half a kilogramme of nuclear material that nobody knows where it is or what it is being used for. You want our first indication should be a mushroom cloud…or, at least, an irradiated mushroom or something?”

SOURCE: The Baghdad Post

[http://www.baghdadpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2008May02.html]
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Somebody Thinks His Case Was Righteous? His Cosby Was…Just…

80 year-old Bill Cosby was sentenced to 30 years in prison for sexual assault. Supporters of the comedian have argued that his advanced age and the length of the sentence mean that he will die in prison, but I don’t think so. He’s the kind of person who would live to the end of his term out of spite.

SOURCE: Jimmy Kippel – Live! (On Tape Delay)

[http://beta.abc.go.com/shows/jimmy-kippel-live-ish/blogs/monologue]
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People With Money Are People, Too, You Know

Greenbelt. Black belt. Good belt of Scotch. It’s all the same to the man who would be the next Premier of Ontario.

Is Conservative Party leader Doug Ford the new Donald Trump? (It wouldn’t be a bad trick, considering that Donald Trump changes positions so often that he is the new Donald Trump once every three or four days.) Pandering to the wealthy? Check. Using real social problems to justify rewarding his backers? Check. Getting caught saying embarrassing things on video? Oh, yeah. Telling different groups of people what they want to hear, even if the promises are contradictory? Ford sure has that one down!

What’s the big deal about the Greenbelt, anyway? The province doesn’t need farms. Or…trees. And, wildife? Highly overrated! It’s good to know that Ontario is still a place to grow, even if it is no longer a place for a stand.

High on a hill in the basket o’ deplorables is Demagogue Drive. When newly elected Premier Ford opens up areas of the Greenbelt for development (oh, come on – you know he wants to!), it will pay off at least a month’s rent on his luxury condo.

SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism

[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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You Know What They Say: Write About What You No

For the first time since, 1949, this year’s Nobel prize for literature will not be awarded. The reason for delaying an announcement of the award until next year is that the academy which decides the winner has been hit with a string of sex abuse allegations and financial crime scandals.

On the bright side, six of the seven members of the committee that chooses the winners are planning on writing books about the scandal, and four of them already have publishers.

SOURCE: Unread Book News

[http://217.204.44.66/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
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Adult Problems, Baby Steps

Owing to an unfortunate incident in our national headquarters where the police were called in to arrest a six year-old black child who was playing a video game while his parents were meeting with one of our councillors, The Wawaneesa Group decided that it was important to subject its employees to racial sensitivity training. That happened across the company’s 27 divisions on Thursday.

After the morning sessions, a consensus among the attendees had been reached: people of races other than white exist. Management was pleased with this result, and was ready to declare the sessions a success and order everybody back to work after lunch. Nonetheless, we thought it was best to plow ahead with the planned afternoon sessions. And, a good thing it was, too! For, we discovered that people who are not white often have life experiences that are different from those of us who are white.

Whoa.

Worried that employees might be getting more insights than they could handle, management decided to let everybody go an hour early. Still, the progress the company made in making its employees more racially sensitive was huuuuuge.

SOURCE: The Wawaneesa Group Monthly Newsletter

[http://mnc.com/flexmere/ontologicon/wawaneesa/internal/newsletters/May2018.txt]
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