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Smart Money’s On A Sock Puppet Named Mister Namaste’s Sister
Then Again, Stupid Money’s On Mister Namaste’s Sister, Too
Should Make For An Interesting Vote…
When he was three years old, Kevin McCarthy donned a grey suit and said his first words: “I call this session to order.” He had duct taped five twigs together to create a makeshift gavel. Ever since, he has had one goal in life: to become speaker of the House of Representatives.
Too bad it’s unlikely to happen.
As Representative Matt Gaetz recently said: “I would rather gnaw my arm off and beat myself to death with it than vote for Kevin McCarthy for Speaker of the House. I would rather cut off my nose – and I like my face! – fill the hole with honey and poke a bee’s nest just to get the attention of its residents than vote for Kevin McCarthy for Speaker! I would stand in the penguin cage at the zoo and inhale to see how many I could set off before I would even consider voting for Kevin McCarthy!”
When it was pointed out that Gaetz was just one vote, he responded, “You should hear what Marjorie Taylor Greene has to say about Kevin becoming Speaker – it makes me sound like his best friend! And Andy Biggs…and Paul Gosar – there must be at least two dozen of us who think Kevin McCarthy is a weasel who will say or do anything to become Speaker.”
“You want me to be principled?” McCarthy replied. “I can do that. I’ll be the most principled Speaker the House has ever seen! I’ll be so principled, I’ll make Nancy Pelosi look like Tony Soprano! Just give me the word! If you want me to be principled to get your vote, that’s what I’ll be!”
Gaetz rolled his eyes and muttered, “Some people just don’t get it!”
SOURCE: The Hill You Die On
[https://thehillyoudieon.com/homenews/administration/448834-speaker-seeker-weaker-than-beaker]
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At Least The Funeral Was Eco-friendly
Prop comedian Gallagher has died a the age of 76 of organ failure. In tribute, he was given a 21 watermelon salute.
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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What Is The Difference Between A Highly Calorie-restricted Diet And Starvation?
Don’t Look To Me For Answers – I Don’t Have The Faintest Idea!
good 1) What is “greedflation?”
a) what in a kinder, gentler time would have been called “price gouging”
b) what in a meaner, harsher time would have been called “war profiteering”
c) the part of soaring energy and food company profits that is not accounted for by the increased cost of inputs (you know: the part nobody in the industry wants to talk about)
why you 2-timing son of a) What can be done about it?
a) a lot of hand-wringing and federal-provincial consultation
b) now would be a good time to go on a calorie-restricted diet. A highly calorie-restricted diet
c) a complete reorganization of the transnational capitalist system that would favour small local farmers and businesses, and workers rights over the accumulation of profits in the hands of corporate bosses and share – and sharehold – and – ha ha ha! I kid. Never gonna happen. That highly calorie-restricted diet is looking better and better all the time…
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Somebody’s Lucki To Still Have A Job
The following text contains nine, count ’em nine, pop-up comments. Collect the whole set!
Federal government officials knew police had a plan based on “existing authorities” that didn’t require special emergency powers to end the so-called “Freedom Convoy” occupation in Ottawa after more than two weeks of chaos, according to RCMP Commissioner Brenda Lucki.
Throughout the past three weeks of testimony, the Ontario Provincial Police, senior officers from the Ottawa Police Service and Ontario’s deputy solicitor general have said the federal emergency law was useful, or helpful, but not necessary. Evidence also showed the Canadian Security Intelligence Service concluded the protests never posed a risk that met its own definition of a threat to national security.
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=1034&dir=bb]
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New York Is No Norwegian Cruise Liner, But I Guess It Has Its Charms…
Second City, the Chicago-based comedy theatre, has announced that it will be opening a new entertainment complex in New York City. You know what they say: if you can make fun of it there, you can make fun of it anywhere.
SOURCE: Titters Comedy Club
[http://www.titters.com/info/TittersClubs/ElginClub/elgNowAppearing.cfm]
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Duelling Dystopias Leave Many Depressed
Sometimes, it can be hard to determine which dystopia you are living in. Is it Gilead of The Handmaid’s Tale, or Oceania of Nineteen Eighty-Four? Sometimes the political winds favour one, sometimes they must assuredly be referencing the other.
If you are uncertain, consult the following handy chart:
| Gilead | Oceania | |
| target of oppression | women | intellectuals, white collar workers |
| social structure | patriarchal | dictatorial |
| who benefits | white men | white men |
| how does it deal with enemies? | stoning | room 101 |
| view of history | whatever the Bible says it is | whatever the Party says it is |
| language of compliance? | Old English | Newspeak |
| what does it do to independent thought? | makes it a sin against god | makes it impossible |
| outlook | bleak | bleak |
SOURCE: Women’s Wear Daily Worker
[http://www.wwdw.com/content/1&ID=%25%22%2DT%2FRE%2C%20%0A&type=a&mr=332&CFID=723762&CFTOKIN=14907385]
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