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Enrico Carbuncle

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Thank you, Enrico Carbuncle, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we read about the practice of etching beloved recipes into gravestones. Made sense to us. Why be profound when you can be tasty? It seemed like such a great idea that we changed our wills to ensure that our favourite food would be represented on our tombstones. And the beauty part? We didn’t have to give the details of the recipe in our wills: anybody can get the directions off a box of Kraft Dinner!

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

Let Us Be Charitable About How We Define Charity…

SOURCE: T-dot Ts

[http://t-dotts/store/new]
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If It Ain’t Woke, Fix It!

Critical Race Theory (whatever that may be) is woke. The casting of The Sandman is woke. Mullets are woke. Mullets! Gaaaaaah! If I have to hear Republicans accusing Democrats of being “woke” one more time, I’m going to throw up (and control over my gag reflex has been rated in the 99th percentile of San Frandieogoans)!

Democrats are woke? Listen up, right-wing pundit asshole! Democrats need to wake up! Wake up and smell the napalm! While they talk about working with their “friends across the aisle,” the Republicans want to annihilate them! A-ni-hill-ate! Burn everything they stand for to the ground, then use the ashes on the first day of Lent!

I wish the left was woke, but they don’t seem to have the right alarm!

SOURCE: Listen Up, Asshole

[http://www.(^!$%!$.htm#_)!(*)!*)*)*.htm#%!&&%(.com/index.html]
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Like You Haven’t Seen Him…In The Last 24 Hours*

* Unless You Have Fight Club On Dvd. Or Snatch. Or…

Bullet Train stars Brad Pitt like you’ve never seen him before!*

* Unless you’ve seen Fight Club. Or Snatch. Or…

SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database

[http://www.imd.com/title/tt0328347/]
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Order Counts: The Middle Lie Is Always Given Less Attention Than The Oldest And The Youngest

Under siege, raided and occupied? This is false, untrue and a lie. In fact, the FBI was executing a legal search warrant, which meant it was…searching. But why let the facts get in the way of a good fundraising pitch?

The FBI and the Justice Department had made no public statements about the search, yet Trump jumped in with both feet firmly planted in his mouth. In journalism, this is known as “getting out in front of the story.” In the basket of deplorables, it is known as “sticking a knife in the other guy’s back before he even realizes he’s in a fight.”

Both descriptions are accurate.

What was the difference between this and Watergate? Uhh, the Watergate burglars hadn’t received a judge’s approval, so they didn’t have to prove that there was probable cause that a crime had been committed before they took material out of Daniel Ellsberg’s office? To say that this comparison was a stretch would be like saying that Mister Fantastic was limber.

The idea that Trump cooperated with the government is laughable (“Why yes, I have given you all of the documents you asked for, just like the previous dozen times you asked for documents!”). And which recent polls, exactly, were so dire that they motivated Democrats to conduct this search? Surely not the ones showing Joe Biden beating Trump.

Unfortunately, in the basket of deplorables, little lies can only look on in jealous wonder as big lies get all of the attention.

SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism

[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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Actually, The Senator Voted Against The Bill The Democrats Had Proposed, But The Devil Is In The Details And He Clearly Didn’t Want To Hand Satan A Victory

ChuckGrassley
@ChuckGrassley
· Aug 7

I voted 2 make insulin available 4 pennies on the dollar 2 uninsured & w high deductible plans but Dems blocked it

SOURCE: Ending Trending Web Site

[http://endingtrending.blurgh/grassley-position-is-ass…ley/]
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Actually, We’d Bet Good Money That’s One Of The Fundamental Features Of A Government Agency

odds it’s going to rain today: 5-1) Ontario Lottery and Gaming, Inc. (OLG to you) promised the city of Toronto and other municipalities in the province that it would honour their demand that slot machines not be placed in Bingo halls. As many as 500 slot machines are now in Bingo halls in the city. How did that happen?



a) they’re not slot machines, they’re Slothful Lemur Ontology Tethering machines!
b) they’re not slot machines, they’re sentient AIs just trying to make a living in a world they never made
c) you know how it is: OLG had turned its head for a second, and when it turned back, there they were!


odds you’re going to lose money if you play: 10,237-2) OLG has been losing money on the initiative since the slot machines started appearing in Bingo halls. Losing money despite how lucrative exploiting gambling can be. Losing money despite how many people in Toronto are so desperate to make ends meet that they aren’t thinking straight about how they are going about it. Did I mention that OLG losing money? How did that happen?



a) the black hole feature of the slot machines was ill-advised
b) hey! Just because we’re a government agency doesn’t mean you have the right to know how we operate!
c) stealth is expensive


SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles

[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Supplies Of Our Children Are Limited, Too, So I Think I’m Going To Pass On Your Less Than Kind Offer

Hey, dad! Remember how, when you were a kid, you used to played being a soldier with sticks, or hot dogs, or even just your index finger? Sure, it was a good exercise for your imagination, but these days, that’s what active shooter drills in schools is for.

For his birthday, or to celebrate Schmeckler’s Farrago, or because the rains were three weeks late this growing season but they finally came – thank the fruit gods they finally came! – you should consider getting junior a JR-15. It has all the great, great features of an AR-15, but scaled down to fit tiny hands. This will add a level of detail to your son’s play that all of his friends at grade school will envy! Especially the ones in the middle of an active shooter drill!

And the best part? He doesn’t have to use it just for playing soldiers. He could use it playing cops and robbers. Or cowboys and Indians! Or, if he pretended that the bullets were packets of energy, space explorer! The JR-15 is so versatile, it can handle any imaginary situation your youngster can come up with!

Supplies are unlimited – order now!

SOURCE: Ad Meek

[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=1029953374]
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