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The Daily Me Staff
What’s So Civil About War, Anyway? Guns ‘n’ Roses Certainly Doesn’t Know
The latest assessment of the violence in Iraq is that it is at “civil war intensity.” How does this stack up on the civil warometer?
hardly civil war at all, really
kind of like civil war, but not really
civil warish
civil warlike
civil wariositous
heating up civil war
YOU ARE HERE: civil war intensity
virtual civil war
civil war – almost there
civil war
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=471&dir=bb]
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A Schooling Of The Fooling? A Teaching Of The Preaching? A Lesson For The Pressin’?
After a mid-term election defeat – a humbling, if you will, of the bumbling – President Bush has called upon confidantes of his father to help save his administration, people like James Baker III and Donald Rumsfeld’s replacement, Robert Gates. It was like the adults finally entered the room, shouted at the children in horror when they saw the mess they had made, but finally calmed down and agreed to help clean it up as best they could.
You know, when the Republicans started down this path, their goal was to make Americans believe that government was their enemy. All the Republicans have managed to do is make Americans believe that Republicans are their enemy.
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show With Jon Tudor
[http://www.comedycentric.com/tv_shows/thedaytodayshowwithjontudor/headlines_pol.jhtml]
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One Who Is Gifted At Crafting Pop Songs, To Be Sure, But That Doesn’t Get You Far In A CIA Black Prison
MONDAY: “If I had a rocket launcher –” You’d be arrested as a terrorist, Bruce.
TUESDAY: For young people who don’t know how to use a turntable, there is a DVD called 21st Century Vinyl. A DVD to tell people how to use a record player. I suppose that’s no more ironic than books telling you how to use programmes on your computers. Media develop strange symbioses – like birds and crocodiles, or Britney Spears and Kevin Federline.
WEDNESDAY: Does somebody who can’t stop looking up the definitions of words have OED OCD?
THURSDAY: There was a time when I would have been really pissed that Hershey was recalling chocolates because they were contaminated with salmonella. I mean, how are we supposed to live without peanut butter cups or Glossette’s almonds? Fortunately, I was recently diagnosed with diabetes, so I’m not supposed to eat any of that stuff anyway.
FRIDAY: There may be as many as 60 live high-explosive bombs buried in and around the site of the London 2012 Olympics. Expect records in the high jump competition.
SATURDAY: Definition of mixed feelings: watching an Iraqi citizen commemorating Veteran’s Day.
SUNDAY: If Kevin Federline had never existed, would anybody have bothered inventing him? (Oh, don’t mind me, I’m just K-Fed up.)
SOURCE: Random Thoughts and Blood Clots Home Page
[http:suzie.randomthoughts&bloodclots.blogspeck.com]
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I Don’t Even Bother Asking What We’re Teaching The Children Any More – As Far As I’m Concerned, They’re On Their Own
New for Christmas: the Talking Barbie Ambrose Doll. The doll is sure to be hit with Conservative children, as it says things like: “I like to go shopping for global warming policies.” and “Gee, environmental science is hard!”
SOURCE: Ad Meek
[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=1222952604]
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Waiting For A Manicurist Can Be Torture
Peter Worthlesstons goes behind bars for a look at the infamous detention centre
The problem was that the steak tartar hadn’t been sufficiently cooked for my taste. Ordinarily, I would have sent it back to the chef with a stern admonition to get it right or I would see to it that he would be fired. Under the circumstances, though, I ate it quietly, grateful that it was there.
This was no chichi restaurant in downtown Toronto. This was the mess hall in Guantanamo pris – err, detention centre.
You’ve heard of torture going on here? Well, the masseuse can be merciless, but that hardly qualifies as a breach of the Geneva Conventions. You think prisoners are humiliated? Okay, the mint on my pillow wasn’t exactly fresh, but, come on, this is a detention centre, not a four star hotel!
I will be detailing my experiences behind the bars of Guantanamo in a seven part series over the coming week. It’s true that I didn’t have access to any of the other pris – err, people in detention, but that was for my own safety. They’re the hardest of hardened terrorists. And, my movements were restricted to specific areas, because so much of what happens there is classified.
Other than that, I had complete run of the place. And, what I found will definitely contradict what you think you know about…Guantanamo detention centre.
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2006/11/12/509828.html]
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Obviously, British Military Training Is Missing Something
In an attempt to imitate a scene from Jackass: The Movie, a 22 year-old British soldier back from Iraq was seriously injured when he tried to launch a firework rocket out of his ass. An official with the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents said, “Let’s not forget these are explosives. They come with specific instructions about how they should be used.”
Hmm…let’s see. “Don’t launch out of the mouths of children under the age of 12.” “Do not light more than 24 in your hand at the same time.” Ah, here we go: “Under no circumstances launch this out of your ass in imitation of something you saw in a brainless American movie.”
Surprising that the man missed this.
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF22LWOLFMOTHERMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s119/Os/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=21213]
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When Bush Comes To Shove
Having had time to think about his position since his resignation, former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld has modified his wit and wisdom:
“The absence of employment results from the employment of absence.”
“It is unknowable how long my unemployment will last. It could last six seconds, six minutes. I doubt six hours.”
“Shift doesn’t happen.”
“As we know, there are known knowns; there are people we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some people we do not know. But there are also unknown knowns – the ones we don’t know we don’t know. I don’t intend to become one of those.”
SOURCE: Wall Street Infernal
[http://online.wsi.com/article/0,,SB114413356491118204,00.html?mod=home_rummy_still_no_dummy]
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They Do It Without Thinking?
Under protest from anti-smoking groups, Canada’s three largest cigarette manufacturers have agreed to stop using the words “light” and “mild” on their packages. The companies used machines to determine how much smoke was inhaled by smokers.
“That’s totally unrealistic!” complained anti-smoking activist Mahbarhati O’Hara. “I mean, do those machines have mortgages? Do they have teenage daughters who stay out past their curfews and refuse to tell you where they’ve been? Hell, do those smoking machines hang out in bathrooms and dare their peers to take a few puffs? No? So, what makes them an accurate portrayal of how people smoke?”
Quickly rushing out of the building, O’Hara added: “God, I need a cigarette!”
SOURCE: aye Weakly
[http://www.aye.net/]
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