Thank you, Dexter Bonuss, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we made it! We finally made it! We survived 2020! Thank the Gord we made it out of that incredibly horrible, really bad year! Hello, 2021! You couldn’t come fast enough! We’re expecting really good things from this new year! Really good things. But even if 2021 is a mediocre year, it will still be waaaaaaaay better than 2020. Thank Gord we survived the massive clusterferk that was 2020! Thank Gord so mu –
Oh, wait. We write this introduction a week in advance, so it’s still 2020. Umm…nice 2020. Handsome 2020. You know we didn’t mean all that stuff we just said about you, right? Right?
We are so ferked.
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
And, We’re Not Talking About Pork
Loyalty Cuts Like A Knife (Both Ways)
Public avowals and midnight confessions
Weren’t enough to save Jeff Sessions
From humiliation and scorn,
And from Attorney General being torn.
He stopped being the top cop of the nation
Because he wouldn’t stop the Mueller investigation,
Which left President Trump with a sour impression.
Once you’ve reached the pinnacle, you have a long way to drop.
Everybody is for the chop.
Although his record needed no defence,
The President rage tweeted about Mike Pence.
The VP, following a Constitutional tenet
Refused to warp the Electoral College vote in the Senate,
Colluding with the President as he lied, in
Insisting that he won the Presidency instead of Joe Biden.
Antagonizing his strongest ally makes no sense.
You’re a fool if you think you’ll come out on top.
Everybody is for the chop.
In the President’s legal clown car,
There’s no bigger fool than Attorney General William Barr.
The President demanded his head on a spike
Despite circumventing laws the President didn’t like,
Distorting the findings of the Mueller report,
And helping the President torture immigrants for sport.
You have to wonder what the President’s priorities are.
You aren’t protected by being the nation’s top cop.
Everybody is for the chop.
Although it is a very steep hill,
President Trump will even take on the American people.
He lies about pandemic safety with every breath
Causing massive, unnecessary death.
When Congress has – finally! – a COVID relief bill got,
The President won’t sign it – he’d rather let Americans rot,
Like only the worst kind of creep will.
Because he congratulated Biden on his victory, crow the Leader will now have to eat;
This could torpedo the Republican’s chances of winning a Georgia Senate seat.
Because the relief the party agreed to is now gone
The deal for retaining control of the Senate is not now done,
Which is a shiv in the back of Mitch McConnell.
Once it begins, you never know where it will stop.
Everybody is for the chop.
SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/818.html]
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He’s Had Sixty So Far
Don’t You Think It’s Time He Let Somebody Else – Anybody Else – Have Theirs?
“Donald Trump should have his day in court!”
– Vice President Mike Pence
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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It Was A Fett A Complis
Jeremy Bulloch, who played Mandalorian Boba Fett in the original Star Wars trilogy, has died at the age of 75 of Parkinson’s disease. This is the way.
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Could You, The People Please Keep It Down
The Rest Of Us Are Trying To Get Some Sleep!
Red Dawn@RedDawnRising20
Covid was never simply about controlling the people, but controlling God greatest creation, You. And through masks, vaccines and medical certification, man has found a way to control free will through fear. Not anymore, We The People are awake!
SOURCE: Ending Trending Web Site
[http://endingtrending.blurgh/of-course-when-god-controls-through-fear-its-called-a-moral-test/]
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If You Really Want To Show Your Appreciation, I Have A Couple Of Senate Candidates To Sell You…
Critics of the Republican Party have pointed out that Donald Trump was only partially effective because he wasn’t sufficiently smart or in control of his emotions to be truly evil, but that his successor may not have those flaws. As it happens, we don’t have to wait until 2024 to see this principle in action: intelligent, emotionally controlled evil exists in the person of Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell.
“Oh, stop!” McConnell bashfully responded to the charge, waving it away. “You’re making me blush! I am but a simple civil servant who is trying to serve the people who put him in office to the best of his ability.”
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2020Dec23.html]
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Trading Kitsch For Cliche May Not Seem Like The Best Deal
So, with the release of the made-for-TV movie Schlumpf for the Holidays, we have a schlocky, unbearably sentimental Christmas movie about a gay couple. Jeremy is a stock broker; Ivan is a Russian mole working as an ad executive. They meet cute when they both reach for the last role of toilet paper in their upscale New York variety store. Smoldering looks over COVID masks ensue. As the relationship develops, Ivan begins to reconsider his allegiance to Communist ideals at the same time as Jeremy begins to reconsider his allegiance to Capitalist ideals. Can they meet somewhere in the middle? Have you ever doubted a Christmas miracle…on TV?
The acting is so wooden, you expect it to take root and grow right out of your screen. The script has so many holes, you might think it was Swiss cheese…without the cheese.
Gay culture has arrived in the mainstream, baby!
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
[http://www.imd.com/title/tt0188350/]
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The Part With The Widespread Misery
Q: President Donald Trump is refusing to sign a COVID relief bill unless the amount of money given to eligible Americans is increased from $600 to $2,000. Senate Republicans have balked, meaning that the whole bill could vanish when the new Congress is sworn in early in January. Is the President doing this because he wants to punish Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell for congratulating Joe Biden on winning the Presidential election, or does he want to leave the Democratic President-elect with a horrible pandemic and wrecked economy?
A: What part of win-win do you not understand?
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=993&dir=bb]
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Why, You – That’s Coocoo!
What do you call an attempt to quietly steal an election during a pandemic? Coup coo achoo!
SOURCE: The Amazing Chocolate Yummies Blog
[http://www.chocoyummies.net/]
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