Thank you, Cruft Sconners, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, somebody called us “a legend.” We have never felt so old in our lives! Legends are people who did great things thousands of years ago – some days, we feel that old, but the calendar on our phones says it’s highly unlikely we actually are. Could we be called demi-legends instead? You know, people who did pretty good things the day before yesterday? Our phone calendar would appreciate it.
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Scented Candles And Attacks On Liberals Will Go A Long Way To Diffusing The Stench Of Corruption
In response to a massive backlash, plans to build a private spa at Ontario Place have been reduced by Therme, the Australian firm chosen by the Ford government to erect and run the joint. It will be smaller and contain more trees.
You could say that they are…massaging the spa’s public image.
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2023/08/22/509727.html]
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It’s Fani Because It’s True
Can’t keep track of Donald Trump’s criminal indictments? Here’s a useful chart to help:
| Crime | Venue | Prosecutor | Counts | Guilt |
| Bookkeeping Fraud | New York | Alvin Bragg | 34 | oh, yeah! |
| National Security Docs | Florida | Jack Smith | 40 | hell, yeah! |
| Election Subversion (Federal) | Washington | Jack Smith | 04 | you bet your ass, yeah! |
| Election Subversion (State) | Georgia | Fani Willis | 13 | oh, Hells, yeah! |
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=1057&dir=bb]
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Attacking Critics With Childish Insults Should Also Be Part Of The Definition…Not That We’re Inviting It, Mind You…
Public douchenozzle (noun): a well-educated professional who contributes to the public conversation about import issues with statements he may believe are profound – and which his followers will definitely mistake as profound – but which are really just a form of trolling people from persecuted minorities. EXAMPLE: Jordan Peterson would like to think of himself as a public intellectual, but really he is just a public douchenozzle.
SOURCE: Michelle’s Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
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Is The Italian Word “Avanti” Another Way Of Saying, “Ha, Ha, Suckers!”?
Toronto says it can’t disclose details of the agreements it has signed with FIFA to host the 2026 World Cup because the terms of the contracts force the city to keep them secret.
“Not to worry,” Gianni Infantino, President of FIFA, stated. “When cost overruns need to be covered by the city, you will all be informed about the details of the contract. Honestly, you will get thoroughly sick of hearing about the details of the contract. Especially if lawsuits are involved. Until then, avanti!”
SOURCE: The Schwartz Sports Report
[http://www.schwartzsportsreport.com/ssr-news.shtml.htm#56006139585]
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It’s What All The Best Dressed Mass Shooters Are Wearing These Days
SOURCE: T-dot Ts
[http://t-dotts/store/new]
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“The Fact That I Have Taken To Wearing A General’s Uniform In The Office May Contribute To The Mistaken Impression,” He Added. “But, Honestly, It’s Just One Of Those Weird Coincidences That Happen In Life.”
In the aftermath of Meta pulling links to Facebook news sources in response to the Canadian government passing a law requiring it to share profits it makes off Canadian news sources, small publishers are finding it increasingly difficult to survive.
“This is not Facebook walking through the advertising battlefield and shooting the survivors,” Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg commented, “although I can understand how people could make that mistake.”
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/230821/geeklynews/01markzuckerberghahaha.htm]
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“Remember Who Voted Against These Expenditures But Took Credit For Them Anyway” Isn’t An Ideal Campaign Slogan, But As Donald Rumsfeld Truly Said, “You Run On The Record You’ve Got, Not The One You Wish You Had…”
Rep. Nancy Mace
@RepNancyMace
Congratulations @RideCARTA on securing a $25,906,730 grant for the Low country to ensure improvements and a more efficient transit system.
Coach Tommy Tuberville
@SenTuberville
Broadband is vital for the success of our rural communities and for our entire economy.
Great to see Alabama receive crucial funds to boost ongoing broadband efforts.
SOURCE: Ending Trending Web Site
[http://endingtrending.blurgh/next-theyll-say-trump-authorized-the-expenditures-from-a-jail-cell/]
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“Uhh, Did I Say ‘I Don’t Believe In Micromanaging?’ Change That To ‘I Am Not A Micromanager.’ And You Don’t ‘Delegate Work Through,’ You ‘Delegate Work To,’ So That Definitely Needs To Be –
“What?”
“I don’t believe in micromanaging. I believe in delegating – delegating work through our ministers and their teams.”
– Ontario Premier Doug Ford explaining why he didn’t know about the corruption in the Greenbelt land swap deal
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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To Be Fair, The Beaverton Has The Best Come Hither Look Of Any Satirical Web Site In North America, And Quite Possibly The World
I regret to inform readers that Meta does not appear to have banned Les Pages aux Folles from Google searches. Unlike other Canadian satirical web sites (I’m looking at you, The Beaverton!), if you conduct a Google search for an article which appeared in Les Pages aux Folles, you will find it.
What’s the matter, Google? Les Pages aux Folles not Canadian enough for you? Les Pages aux Folles not satirical enough for you? Les Pages aux Folles not…not…not pretty enough for you? Yeah, that’s what they told us in high school – Zuckerberg, you heartless bastard, you’re just reinforcing all of the negative stereotypes that the web site has had to endure its entire life!
I tell you, some satirical web sites just can’t buy a promotional break!
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Even Sunglasses With Black Lenses May Not Save You From The Glare
So, former President Donald Trump gave himself up for arrest at the Fulton County jail on Thursday. Have you seen the mug shot they took of him? Of course you have! Priests in monasteries with no connection to the outside world have seen that image…many of them immediately went to the nearest village and got plastered.
When I first saw the image, I thought: Where have I seen that before? That glare! Is it – no, it couldn’t be! But it is! It’s the same glare Trump used when he was on The Apprentice! Sure. He probably told the person taking the mugshot: “I’ll slip you five bucks if you use the shot of my mug from The Apprentice. No? Okay, make it ten, but that’s my final offer – I got a lot of legal expenses to cover, you know!”
Trump probably thinks the glare makes him look tough, even menacing. I think it makes him look like a three year-old with who needs to be burped. Maybe the Republicans should change their name to the GOPP: the Gaseous Ornery Pre-pubescent Party. Bet that would look good on a coffee cup, t-shirt or beer coozie!
SOURCE: Weekends!
[http://www.nobc.com/Weekends/video/play.shtml?mea=227847]
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