Thank you, Clark (Not the Superhero, Just a Guy Whose Parents Have a Weird Sense of Humour) Kent, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, Kevin McCarthy finally backed down and gave us the same 44,000 hours of January 6 footage that he gave to Tucker Carlson. The first 7,324 hours were a bit slow, as often happens when you’re introducing a cast as huge as this. Things really pick up when the Capitol Building is breached, and the next 26,712 hours are stunningly dramatic. Unfortunately, the last 11,000 hours or so were something of a letdown, as the conflict doesn’t reach a crescendo so much as peter out. We would also say that, while the security camera conceit was innovative, it started to get repetitive and predictable around the 32,156 hour mark. All in all, we give the footage two and a half out of four stars. And that’s being generous! You know, given its historical importance and all.
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Trump Thought Going To East Palestine Would Win Him Votes In The Evangelical Community
Geography May Not Be One Of His Strong Suits
Seven people were injured, at least two losing an eye, when former President Donald Trump flew to East Palestine to distribute bottles of water to people who were suffering because of a train derailment that leaked toxic chemicals into the water and atmosphere. And when I say “distribute,” I mean “toss at the crowd with great force.”
“I got hit in the side of the head,” said East Palestine resident Monaghan del Fuego. “Ever since, I’ve seen flashing auras and have had terrible headaches. If this goes on for much longer, I may not be able to see my ballot to vote for Trump in 2024!”
“That damn water bottle crushed three of my toes!” moaned East Palestinian Martha Dombass. “Doctor said he may have to amputate. You know what that means? Right: I may have to get to the polling place to vote for Trump in 2024 in a wheelchair!”
Responding to criticism that he was using the disaster to rid himself of bottles of water that had long passed their best by date, Trump said: “Everybody had a good time. Everybody had fun. Anybody who says otherwise is fake news!“
SOURCE: Clean Slate
[http://cleanslate.com/id/2171381/]
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Fighting Your Party To Pass Infrastructure Bills To Fix The Problem
Aren’t You Glad You Asked?
“It’s clear that our infrastructure in this country is crumbling, and what is this administration doing about it?”
– Republican Representative Josh Hawley
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Honesty Is A Soros Spot With This Bunch
KYLE RITTENHOUSE: My prosecution was orchestrated by George Soros.
MARJORIE TAYLOR GREEN: No, it wasn’t. George Soros was behind the space lasers that stole the 2020 election from President Donald Trump.
CANDACE OWENS: You’re both wrong! George Soros is a fascist Communist Socialist who bankrolls antifa and Black Lives Matter protests.
JACOB REES-MOGG: Pikers! You’re not thinking big enough! George Soros was behind the Remain campaign to keep Britain in the European Union!
RECEP TAYYIP ERDOGAN: Oh, please, all of you! Everybody knows that George Soros is a man who assigns people to divide nations and shatter them!
GEORGE SANTOS: George Soros has been spreading lies about me for years.
General uproar, with people saying things all at once such as: “Oh, give it a rest, George!” “George, could you stop thinking about yourself for once!” and “You don’t need Soros’ help to have lies spread about your, George!”
GREENE: I don’t know…is it possible that one man could be responsible for all of this?
REES-MOGG: Have you forgotten who we’re talking about?
ERDOGAN: He isn’t a man – he’s a Jewish demon.
RITTENHOUSE: Murdering scum!
OWENS: He’d sell all of us out to the state of Israel in a second!
SANTOS: He would think nothing of ruining a man’s career, then eating the heart of a Christian baby.
EVERYBODY: Shut up, George!
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=1041&dir=bb]
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You Were Being Hyperbolic? THAT’s Your Justification?
So, Let Me Get This Straight: You Think That Blacks Are Only Somewhat A Hate Group? Or That Whites Should Only Get A Few Feet Away From Black People, Rather Than Live In Their Own Separate Neighbourhoods?
Scott, That’s A Rationale Only A Pointy-haired Boss Could Love
SOURCE: Old Comics
[http://www.oldcomics.com/dildobert/]
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Because He Won’t Survive The Toxic Spew?
Asking “Why won’t Joe Biden go on Fox News?” is like asking, “Why won’t Joe Biden give a speech at the bottom of a live volcano?”
SOURCE: Cohan
[http://teamcoho.com/video/opening-monologue-02-22-23]
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How Greene Was My Death Valley
INT. MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE’S OFFICE – DAY
MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE and four of her staffers are sitting around a table in her office.
MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE: Come on people! I’ve been out of the spotlight for almost five minutes! I need to say something outrageous to grab people’s attention! Joe, what have you got?
JOE: What about a bill to make the AR-15 the national gun of the United States of America?
GREENE: Great, but Representative Barry Moore beat us to it. And that whiner Boebert co-sponsored it. Bitch. Other ideas? Jack?
JACK: Millions of illegal Mexicans are entering the US!
GREENE: How is that original?
JACK: They’re coming across the Canadian border.
GREENE: Sneaky Canadian bastards. But I’ve already said six billion illegals are entering the country, so people won’t bat an eyelash at mere millions. Next!
JEFF: What if you said that everybody missing the end of their pinky finger was an alien…from outer space? (everybody at the table moans) What? I like classic TV! So, do me something!
GREENE: Judy. Tell me you’ve got something.
JUDY: Weeeellll, you could always tell people the truth.
GREENE: The truth?
JUDY: That you’re driven not by a desire to help your constituents, but by a deep-seated emotional need to tear everything down. That you don’t have the faintest idea how government works or what it is for, that all you care about is wielding power and getting attention. You know. The truth. Nobody would be expecting it – imagine the attention!
LONG PAUSE
GREENE: Jeff, how would this pinky finger…alien thing of yours actually work?
SOURCE: Weekends!
[http://www.nobc.com/Weekends/video/play.shtml?mea=227752]
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