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The Daily Me – ching Qpjdil

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Thank you, ching Qpjdil, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, guess what? There are no people with tastes similar to yours! You are a freak of statistics! So, we just threw together a bunch of shit we had lying around the office and sent it out to you. Hey! – nobody said being unique didn’t have drawbacks!

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

If You Plan On Voting Liberal, Ignatieff You!

Michael Ignatieff.

He’s traveled the world.

He has advised leaders of the international community.

He’s not parochial.

He’s not small-minded.

He isn’t smug about his ignorance of the complexity of the world outside of Canada’s borders.

This is the man who wants to be the country’s next Prime Minister? We don’t think so.

Paid for by Conservatives Out of Touch With Canadian Priorities.

SOURCE: Ad Meek

[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=1857952604]

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The Truthiness Is Out There

Okay, let’s get serious. The American government couldn’t have faked the 9/11 terrorist attack on the World Trade Center because the American government couldn’t fake shit! They were completely incompetent! I mean, they had great swaths of Iraq all to themselves, and they didn’t even plant a single weapon of mass destruction to prove that they were right to start the war in Iraq? WTF! You know I’m right. The Bush administration couldn’t keep the lid on a few sadists in Abu Ghraib, and you expect me to believe that they’ve been able to maintain complete secrecy about a plot that had to involve hundreds of people? Let me put it a different way: if there had really been a 9/11 plot by the Bush government, don’t you think they’d be trying to pin it on Nancy Pelosi right now? No, I’m sorry. I don’t buy it.

Now, the Israelis, on the other hand…

SOURCE: Gerald’s Next To Penultimate Conspiracy Page

[http://www.ignoregeraldatyourperil.com/conspiracy2301.html]

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When Irish Eyes Stop Smiling

Testimony at the Oliphant hearings:

RICHARD WOLSON: In your lawsuit against the Canadian government, you were asked about your contacts with Karlheinz Schreiber after being Prime Minister. You said you met him once or twice in hotels. You did not mention that, in those meetings, he handed you envelops filled with $75,000 in cash. Why did you not mention that?

BRIAN MULRONEY: That question was never asked.

WOLSON: The payments were in cash. You put them in a safety deposit box, not a bank account. You didn’t declare them as income for tax purposes for six years and, when you did, you asked that the source – Karlheinz Schreiber – not be recorded. How could the government lawyer know to ask you about the payments?

MULRONEY: Plenty of ways! He could have used a Ouija board to get the right question from the spirit world. He could have thrown yarrow stalks and consulted the I Ching. Had he never heard of Tarot cards? For goodness sake, man! If he was serious about cross-examining me, he could have slaughtered a goat and read its entrails! Are you suggesting that I should have done his work for him?

SOURCE: Drew’s Transcript-o-rama

[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/.shtml]

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The Best Disinfectant Is A Truth Enema

On the eve of the 85th anniversary of 9/11, American President Astrikos Lummummbaa has released what archivists believe is, finally, incredibly, the last torture memo from the Bush administration. In it, John Yoo accuses an unnamed cabinet member – generally believed to be Colin Powell – of being a “pussy on enhanced interrogation” for his suggestion that if the government was serious about the legality of the programme, it would not be begging Congress to pass legislation making its members immune from prosecution.

“I believe we now have the full story,” President Lummummbaa commented. “Let the healing begin!”

SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service

[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=32372641080641312287fx]

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You Have A Problem With Chocolate Santas? What Are You – Some Kind Of Atheist?

I can understand why people are upset about MPs who charged taxpayers for porn or a chocolate Santa Claus or pool repairs. However, Conservative MP Douglas Hogg’s reimbursement for 2,115 Pounds for the cost of cleaning his moat made perfect sense: when the British public formed a lynch mob to come after MPs for profligate spending, he had his defenses prepared!

SOURCE: Daily Semaphore

[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF34LWOLFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s119/Os/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&unsize=null&_denyid=21213]

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Fox In The Nuthouse

How do you like this Obama character comparing himself to Winston Churchill? “In the middle of the bombing of Britain, Churchill could have tortured German prisoners, but he didn’t.” Yeah, yeah. Churchill was a great man – he saved the free world from the Nazi hordes, after all. But, let’s not get carried away. Secret wartime documents that have never been released have shown that Churchill enjoyed stubbing out his cigars on German prisoners of war. That’s right! Winston Churchill! Yes, he was steadfast in his recognition of the Nazi threat despite the arguments of appeasers. But, he also personally ordered the bombing of orphanages. It’s true! It’s history! Obama wants to ally himself with the good part of Churchill’s legacy. Well, I got news for you, buster – the Republicans have staked out that territory. You want a part of Churchill? You get the war crimes!

SOURCE: The O’Meilly Factor

[http://www.foxynews.com/story/0,2933,96207,00.html]

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Lucy Maud Montgomery Must Be Turning In Her Gra – No, Wait!

Anne of Green Goblins
Ileanna Fruitbat
Mason & Dixon Press
438 pages

Is it just me, or is uniting classic out of copyright books with horror stories obnoxious?

SOURCE: Unread Book News

[http://217.204.41.87/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]

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Peace Doesn’t Have A Prayer

Why religion and politics don’t mix:

May 7: National Day of Prayer.

May 8: National Day of Reason.

May 9: National Day of There Is No National Day of Reason.

May 10: National Day of There Should Be No National Day of Prayer – Ever Heard of Separation of Church and State?

May 11: National Day of This Is a Christian Nation and The Separation of Church and State Is a Liberal Myth.

May 12: National Day of Read Up On The Founding Fathers, You Moron – They Separated Church and State to Protect Religion!

May 13: National Day of Who Are You Calling a Moron, Atheist Asswipe?

May 14: National Day of Oh, Yeah? Wanna Step Outside and Settle This Like Men?

May 15: National Day of My Religion Forbi – Oww – I Really Shou – Ouch! – Stop Poking Me Or You’ll Be – OWW! – Okay, Sucker, You Asked For It!

May 16: National Day of Recovery.

SOURCE: Big Alex’ Domesday Countdown Page

[http://www.allaboutalex.wha/Domesday/new]

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