Thank you, Caramel Blanket, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, an article in The Toronto Star claimed that “In the aftermath of Harry & Meghan, it feels increasingly pressing to understand what exactly is going on behind Kate Middleton’s gleaming smile.” And we thought to ourselves, No! No, it isn’t! Getting the creases out of our trousers is pressing! Putting that temporary tattoo of a butterfly with bullet wings on the back of our hand is pressing! Our Uncle Philbert and his current wife Leticia engage in more entertaining scandals than anything the British royal family has done in decades, and our family has learned to tune them out! If we can do it, surely journalists can do it!
Then, we noticed that people in the cafeteria around us were staring in our direction. Honestly, it’s such a fine line between thinking to yourself and shouting at the top of your lungs!
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
For The Sake Of Your Peace Of Mind, Don’t Ask The Chief Twit About His Poll!
TWITTER POLL: Reinstate the seven journalists whose Twitter accounts you suspended immediately.
MUSK RESPONSE: “The people have spoken.” Six of the seven accounts are reinstated.
TWITTER POLL: Stop platforming right wing disinformation and hate speech.
MUSK RESPONSE: “The people can kiss my ass.” The owner of Twitter starts looking for rationales to suspend the accounts of the people behind the second poll.
TWITTER POLL: A majority of people want Musk to resign as the head of Twitter.
MUSK RESPONSE: “The people have obviously had a brain aneurysm which is impairing their judgment.” In the future, only people who have paid for Twitter Blue will be allowed to vote in polls.
SOURCE: Economics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/entertainmentfordummies/economicsfordummies/home.asp?did=611&dir=bb]
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Don’t Hate The Haters (Although It Would Be On Brand)
For too long, hating people just because they didn’t look like you or worship the same god or use their private parts the way you did was scorned by social elites, even though everybody does it! This type of oppression of so many people was so deeply ingrained that you could be socially ostracized just for pointing out the unfairness of it.
Kudos, then, to the Alberta, Canada government for creating the position of “parliamentary secretary for bigots and haters.” Oh, sure, they have to call it something like “parliamentary secretary for civil liberties” or some such PC silliness. But members of the hater community know what it’s really all about, and we couldn’t be more grateful!
SOURCE: Bigots Without Borders
[http://www.bigotswithoutborders.org/]
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So. Much. WINNING! Make It Stop! Somebody, Please MAKE THE WINNING STOP!
The House January 6 committee has recommended that the Department of Justice charge former President Donald Trump with four crimes, including conspiracy to defraud the United States and obstruction of an official proceeding. If he is convicted of these crimes, he could spend the rest of his life in prison.
Trump’s response was to write on Truth Antisocial: “…But Liz Chaney lost by a record 40 points!”
Many of the former President’s most ardent supporters (you know, the ones who happily buy the whole deck of Trump NFTs at $99 a card – the idea that you need to eat more than twice a week to sustain your energy levels is a libtard myth propagated by the lamestream media!) nodded their heads and proclaimed that the statement proved that the committee had always been a witch hunt.
Many of the former President’s less zealous supporters (you know, the ones who would grudgingly buy the card depicting lasers coming out of Trump’s eyes) shook their heads sadly and muttered that Ron DeSantis will give a much more robust response when a future Congressional committee recommends that he be prosecuted for conspiring to overthrow the government!
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2022Dec20.html]
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It’s Amazon What Some Companies Think They Can Get Away With
MONDAY: I ordered a back scratcher for my cat from Amazon. I received an email confirming my order.
TUESDAY: I received an email from Amazon that the cat back scratcher I had ordered had been sent.
WEDNESDAY: I received an email from Amazon that the cat back scratcher I had ordered had been delivered.
THURSDAY: I received an email from Amazon asking if I would rate the cat back scratcher I had bought.
FRIDAY: I received an email from Amazon telling me that if I liked the cat back scratcher I had bought, I might like a dog tickler that the company also stocked.
SATURDAY: I cancelled my Amazon Prime account. I can’t deal with the volume of messages they send to my inbox!
SUNDAY: My computer rested.
SOURCE: Random Thoughts and Blood Clots Home Page
[http:suzie.randomthoughts&bloodclots.blogspeck.com]
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And Then We Thought: Better If We Don’t Risk Thinking Out Loud – Our Co-workers Are Already Wary Of Us
British actor and model Elizabeth Hurley has denied that she was the woman who took Prince Harry’s virginity when he was a teenager. In his memoir, he reportedly wrote that he lost his virginity “to a beautiful older woman in the countryside.”
Still in the running are: Kate Moss, Elle McPherson and Betty White.
SOURCE: The Inquiring National Star
[http://www.inquiringnationalstar.com/gossip/64371]
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Everybody Knows How Much Reverence Ammunition Has For The Rule Of Law
It has been discovered that the man who killed six people in a shooting spree in Vaughan had had a restraining order issued against him in 2019. Perhaps things would have turned out differently if the judge had issued a restraining order against the man’s bullets.
SOURCE: NOW and THEN
[http://www.now&thentoronto.com/news/story.cfm?content=327992]
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Israel Oppresses Palestinians. Netanyahu Could Disagree?
2 sad to be true) What is “Jew-washing?”
a) what happens when somebody born into an Abrahamic religion takes a shower
b) what happens when a Jew who is bad with money (yes, we do exist) takes a bath in the market
c) the new “self-hating Jew”
1 you gotta watch closely) In what context is the term “Jew-washing” most likely to appear?
a) a lifestyle article about kosher body wash
b) a business article about losers in the latest round of corporate shenanigans
c) an opinion piece explaining (once again!) that any criticism of the state of Israel is racist, but with a new way of explaining away the many Jews who criticize the state of Israel
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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