Thank you, Baz Paz, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. The thing is, we have our anger under control. Completely under control. It’s just that when we start seeing the flashes of light in the backs of our eyes, or when everything goes just plain red, we have to do something about it. It just makes sense, right? To do something about it?
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Year Of The Pop Gun
Firearm murders are down in Toronto this year, causing city columnists to ponder, “Where did we go wrong?” One columnist, who asked not to be named, cried, “If this keeps up, The Star is going to have me covering the CNE again!”
If you’re that desperate, maybe you should trot out the usual “Just because the numbers are down doesn’t mean things aren’t getting worse” line. If nothing else, they are worse for you…
SOURCE: aye Weakly
[http://www.aye.net/]
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Not To Be Confused With Pulling Somebody’s Cheney
Pull a Cheney: accept a position on which you were only supposed to advise. EXAMPLE: Jay Hein was only asked to help President Bush find a new head of the White House Office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives, but he pulled a Cheney and took the post himself.
SOURCE: Michelle’s Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
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So…Do You Use Corporate Annual Reports As Toilet Paper?
Q: What is the difference between the Motion Picture Association of America’s estimate that it loses $3.5 billion a year to piracy and my estimate that it only loses 97 cents?
A: I’m willing to admit I pulled my estimate out of my ass.
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/53.htm]
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Irony So Thick, You Could Cut It With A Cluster Bomb
“Governments accountable to the voters focus on building roads and schools – not weapons of mass destruction.”
– George W. Bush, speech to the American Legion, 8/31/06
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Kill Bill
fraud+anger=midtermlosses) An amendment to a House bill called the Honest Leadership and Accountability in Contracting Act of 2006, which was intended to root out fraud in military spending in Iraq, was defeated by the Republicans. Why?
a) 25 tons of nails ordered by Kellogg, Brown & Root (KBR) were the wrong size, and are now laying in the sands of Iraq (embarrassment alert: code yellow)
b) Halliburton served food date-stamped “expired” to American troops rather than throwing it away (embarrassment alert: code blue, and rising)
c) a payment for air-conditioning turned out to be payments to four contractors, the fourth of which put a fan in a room (embarrassment alert: code magenta)
d) nonpotable water was provided for shaving and brushing teeth that turned out to be in worse condition than the raw water coming out of the Euphrates River (embarrassment alert: code red – repeat, code red)
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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You See, The International Economic Sys – ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
The star wattage really shone at the Toronto International Film Festival with the arrival of Brad Pitt. The 42 year-old actor attended a private brunch to pay tribute to Jeffrey Sachs – am I pronouncing that right? Sachs? Like what you carry your groceries in? – Anyway, Sachs is some kind of economist who works on poverty or something.
But, that’s not what you want to hear about, so tonight we take an up close and personal look at the lesser known half of Brangelina…
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now, Canada
[http://www.canada.com/globulltv/globullshows/ern_canada.html]
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Oh, Come On! You Know You’re Guilty Of Something…
The Canadian Alliance Against Software Theft would like you to know that WHAT YOU ARE DOING RIGHT NOW IS ILLEGAL. NO, DON’T TRY TO DENY IT – WE KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU AND YOUR KIND. STEP AWAY FROM YOUR COMPUTER AND FIND A COMFORTABLE PLACE TO SIT. A REPRESENTATIVE WILL BE ATTENDING TO YOU SHORTLY.
Thank you for your cooperation.
SOURCE: C-DIK – Big Dick Radio
[http://www.edgy095.com/]
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You Had To Know This Is Where This Was Going
The dorsalis pugnacium is a small species of dolphin that is a figment of somebody’s imagine, created to test the effectiveness of Wiwipedia’s fact-checking system. Marine biologists believe that this is the primary reason that the species is on the verge of – no, check that – has become extinct.
SOURCE: Wiwipedia
[http://en.wiwipedia.org/wiwi/Stupid_dolphin]
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An Army Travels On Its Rhetoric
To commemorate the fifth anniversary of 9/11, Prime Minister Stephen Harper made a moderately passioned speech in which he said that, “We fight them [terrorists] over there so that the United States doesn’t have to fight them over here.”
Oddly enough, the Canadian people weren’t moved.
SOURCE: The Irrational
[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2006/09/12/pollywannanafta060912]
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This Article Is Not Happening, Either
Jean Baudrillard’s latest book, The War on Terrorism is Not Happening, came out last week. The book looked like another screed on the impossibility of knowing what is really happening in the world when all of our knowledge is mediated, but in an exclusive press conference, Baudrillard insisted that it wasn’t.
“No, no, no, that is just so much intellectual dish washing,” he stated. “No, there really is no war on terrorism. How could there be? Terrorism is not a nation-state, it is a noun. How do you make war on nouns? Do you blow up noun dictionaries? C’est ridicule.”
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.41.13/cgi/NGoto/2/14382361?3817]
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Think This Is The Kind Of Equality Dr. King Had In Mind?
CBS. 9pm. Survivor. Talk about a clash of civilizations! White, black, Asian and Hispanic teams compete to see who can lie, cheat and backstab their way to the million dollar prize! Now, people of all races and colours can debase themselves for the viewing pleasure of a national audience!
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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At Last, A Hollywood Movie With An Honest Title
Flatulent Friday. People start to wonder when the Conservative Party accepts a lumber deal that penalizes Canadian companies and undermines international trade agreements and the New Democratic Party complains about the way the deal does not insist that the United States live up to its NAFTA obligations. Despite the subtle clues, they don’t realize that the two parties have traded souls. Hilarity (but no longer lawsuits) ensues.
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
[http://www.imd.com/title/tt0078243/]
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