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Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Protocol Me When You’re Through
There are reports that the Conservative Party plans to put abandoning the Kyoto Protocol in the Speech from the Throne. This would put Liberal Opposition leader Stephane Dion in a no-win position: if he opposes the Throne Speech, he’ll trigger an election he isn’t ready to contest; if he supports the Throne Speech, he will be abandoning Kyoto, which his party supports. You can almost hear the party strategists tittering to themselves over how clever they are.
Listen up, federal Conservative Party strategist assholes! IT’S ONLY CLEVER IF NOBODY KNOWS YOU’RE ABOUT TO DO IT! IF YOU BRAG ABOUT HOW CLEVER YOU’RE BEING TO THE PRESS, YOU UNDERMINE THE WHOLE DEAL! Not only that, but you give Dion time to figure out a strategy to deal with your little bit of cleverness.
My doctor warned me that if I don’t lighten up, my brain will spontaneously combust. But, what can I do? So many assholes, so little time.
SOURCE: Listen Up, Asshole
[http://www.(^!$%!$#_)!(*)!*)*)*#%!&&%(.com/index.html]
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New Heights Of Just Don’t Getting It
Ethnics Kicks
Happy Rosh Hashanah our Jewish friends!
We have no idea what you’re celebrating
But to satisfy our electoral ends
Best wishes for you we’ll be calibrating
You’ve never heard from us before?
You say you’re somewhat suspicious?
Don’t turn away when we come to your door
The CJC says our efforts are auspicious!
The Conservative Party is learning new tricks
So that we can get the votes of the ethnics
Sikhs – we don’t know what you believe in
But get ready to hear from us by phone!
To get to majority government heaven
Our MPs will leave their comfort zone!
People from all over do well here
Better than any other nation
From our party they have nothing to fear
(Just ignore our policies on immigration)
No longer the party of hicks in the sticks
The CPC is going after the ethnics
So, come to Canada, you foreign beauties
It really is a great place to live
You come for rights, I offer duties –
Your friendly, neighbourhood Conservative
If our new policy clicks
We will be the natural ruling party of ethnics
SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/205.html]
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Isn’t Shelby Steele A Romance Novelist?
MONDAY: Have you ever noticed that the white people who are most likely to accept Shelby Steele’s ideas about white guilt are usually the ones who were least likely to actually feel it?
TUESDAY: Why am I able to get eye drops in every orifice of my body except my eyes?
WEDNESDAY: Since “iso” means “equal to” or “equally,” why doesn’t the word “isolate” mean “just as late?”
THURSDAY: I sent a money order to somebody – who isn’t important to this story. They claimed not to have received it, so I went – no, really, who isn’t important to the story. Just stay with me, okay? I went to the bank to cancel the money order before somebody found it and cashed it. They told me I had to wait a month. Why? Bank rules. So, fast forward a month. I go to the bank and try to get the money order cancelled. You know what they said? Why is this incompetent institution making so much money?
FRIDAY: No, I’m not a bee-liever. As one of the few people who doesn’t actually like Jerry Seinfeld, I’m more bee-leagured than anything. Bee-wildered a little. Bee-seeching fans to give it a rest, even.
SATURDAY: I heard somebody at a party say: “Who is he kidding? He couldn’t make time with her if he was an alarm clock!” Like, was that supposed to be a joke? What does “make time” mean, anyway? Is that, like, a fifties thing?
SUNDAY: Bee-trayed. Bee-moaning my fate, because this is so un-bee-coming. See, Jerry? Not all “bee” puns are worth making.
SOURCE: Random Thoughts and Blood Clots
[http:suzie.randomthoughts&bloodclots.blogspeck.com]
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Passing Majority Gas
President George W. Bush has forcefully argued that proposed legislation that gives the United States government the right to spy on roadside lemonade stands run by eight year-olds is a crucial weapon in the fight against terrorism. “See, protecting America is our most solemn obligation,” the President stated, “and who knows how many lives are at risk from weapons of mass destruction masquerading as cooling summer beverages? I sure don’t!”
Senator Majority Leader Harry Reid, doing his best Woody Allen impression, responded, “Ahh, this is a, err, bad law. If we, uhh, spy on our children, who is left? There is nobody left. That, ahh, isn’t good! I’m gonna do everything in my power to, ahh, stop this bill. I’m already, err, composing a strongly worded letter to the Times!”
The bill is expected to pass with a strong majority.
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOJIKPQFIQMFSM5WAVDFT0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!6qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s119/Os/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=21213]
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Sure, But We Live With A Culture Of Embarrassment, So There’s Nothing To Be Embarrassed Abo…Umm…
DEAR MISSED MANNERS: There is this country – this is so embarrassing! I’ve been letting it use my airspace to fly supplies in to…this other country that it has been having a bit of a spat with. I thought if I did this it would like me. But, just the other day, its Senators passed a resolution saying I had participated in a genocide of my Armenian citizens. I was all, like, “Oh, you dihn’t!” But, they did! I thought this was over and done with – how dare they bring up something out of my distant past! Am I just kidding myself about the potential for our relationship?
DEAR HEART: I don’t know how many times I have to say this, but: give up your airspace tonight and the country you give it to won’t respect you in the morning. A country has to hold something back or it has nothing to negotiate with the next day. As for the accusations of Armenian genocide, well, it sounds to me like somebody is in deep denial…
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1086591831813&call_pageid=968318278492&col=963496972154]
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