Thank you, Archie Pelago, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, just in time for Halloween the ice maker in our refrigerator came back from the dead. Nobody could remember the last time it had showed any signs of life, when it started making wracking mechanical noises and, before we knew it ice appeared where it hadn’t appeared for decades!
Yeah, well, you would have been impressed if Stephen King had told the story.
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Not As Easy As You May Think
They Write All Of Their Important Documents With Quill Pens!
Elon Musk has finally taken control of Twitter. The most important question is not how soon will he allow Donald Trump back on the social media platform – how soon is now? The most important question is not how soon Twitter will declare bankruptcy – that’s the second most important question.
No, the most important question is: how much money will Musk lose on the deal before he finally pulls the plug?
And I thought: we’ve been wasting our time trying to solve the problem of income inequality by futilely proposing plans to tax the rich. What we should do is convince them it is in their interest to buy a tech company without a rational business plan at a highly inflated price.
How hard could it be to talk the Koch brothers into buying GeoCities?
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/221028/geeklynews/01jackdorseyhahahasob.htm]
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Republican Moral Consistency Weighs About 50 Pounds, Has Blue-grey Plumage, A Big Head, A Nine Inch Blackish Bill With A Reddish Sheath, Small Useless Wings, Stout Yellow Legs And A Tuft Of Curly Feathers High On Its Rear End
If you support book banning, you really shouldn’t be accusing other people of promoting cancel culture.
If your child has been vaccinated against the flu, you really shouldn’t be keeping them from being vaccinated against COVID.
If you purge thousands of eligible voters from the rolls, you should not be accusing your opponents of undermining election integrity.
If you claim that you do not have to respect the results of an election after repeatedly lying that it was stolen from you or your party leader, you should not be accusing your opponents of undermining election integrity.
If you encourage your supporters to hang around polling places with weapons and challenge anybody who looks suspicious to them, you should not be accusing your opponents of undermining election integrity.
If you tell your supporters that you will shut down the FBI if you are elected, you should not be criticizing members of the Defund the Police movement.
If you insisted that your girlfriend get an abortion, a medical procedure that you eagerly paid for, you really shouldn’t be campaigning as being anti-abortion.
I’m surprised I have to say any of this.
SOURCE: Bill’s Bitter Pills
[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
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Pay No Attention To The Man Behind The Curtain (Because You Don’t Want Him To Pay Any Attention To You!)
While Ukrainian forces attacked the Russian stronghold of Kherson, Russian President Vladimir Putin appeared to soften his stance on using nuclear weapons in the war. “We see no need for that,” he stated. “There is no point in that, neither political or military.”
In response, China’s Premier Xi Jinping patted Putin on the head and murmured, “Good boy. Now, try to clean up your mess as quickly as possible – the grownups have real conflicts to deal with!”
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20221029.eladvote0102_@/BNStory/newsOops2012/]
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Freedom’s Just Another Word For Nothing Left To Testify About
“We have made the deliberate decision to temporarily enhance police officers’ authority for the duration of the stay-at-home order. Moving forward, police will have the authority to require any individual who is not at a place of residence to first provide the purpose for not being at home and provide their home address. Police will also have the authority to stop a vehicle to inquire about an individual’s reason for leaving their residences.”
– Sylvia Jones, Ontario solicitor general during the so-called “Freedom Convoy”
“Politicians don’t direct the police.”
– Ontario Premier Doug Ford explaining why he will not appear before the inquiry into the government response to the “Freedom Convoy”
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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It Is A Hard Heart, Indeed, That Cannot Feel The Pain Of Vulnerable Wealthy White Men Named William
Newly minted Prime Minister Rishi Sunak has stated that he would “always protect the most vulnerable.”
He was thinking, of course, of men like William “Wild Bill” Featheringhamcap, the Duke Of Cheshertonshire, whose billion pound stock portfolio lost almost a tenth of its value in the last quarter. Vulnerable Britons like William “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” Bullcramp, who inexplicably decided to short oil and gas company stocks before the OPEC announcement of production cuts sent their prices skyrocketing. And of course, all of those vulnerable wealthy white men named William whose net worth would be eaten into if inflation was allowed to have its way with the economy.
You didn’t think he was talking about you, did you?
SOURCE: The Smarmian
[http://www.thesmarmian.com/world/2022/oct/28/hes-got-the-sunak-for-making-money]
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The Two Faces Of The Republican Party On Full Display
The attack on Paul Pelosi, the husband of speaker Nancy Pelosi, has engendered strange reactions from Republicans.
WHAT SENATOR TED CRUZ SAYS IN PUBLIC: “We can have our political differences, but violence is always wrong & unacceptable.”
WHAT SENATOR TED CRUZ SAYS IN PRIVATE: “I guess the assailant had a point about progressive politics he really wanted to hammer home. Ha ha ha.”
WHAT SENATOR LINDSEY GRAHAM SAYS IN PUBLIC: “This is despicable and we are all grateful that Paul is expected to fully recover. In America violence is never the answer for any grievance and every American should always be safe in their own home.”
WHAT SENATOR LINDSEY GRAHAM SAYS IN PRIVATE: “The assailant must be a rap fan, because he sure knew when it was Hammer time. Hee hee.”
WHAT VIRGINIA GOVERNOR GLENN YOUNGKIN SAYS IN PUBLIC: “There’s no room for violence anywhere, but we’re going to send her [Nancy Pelosi] back to be with him in California.”
WHAT VIRGINIA GOVERNOR GLENN YOUNGKIN SAYS IN PRIVATE: “I can’t believe the shit I have to say to remain popular with the President’s base!”
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=1033&dir=bb]
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