And Then We Had A Pillow Fight…And Then We Gossiped About Liz Truss…And Then We Started Nuclear Armageddon…
Good Times!
“He sent me 20 bottles of vodka and a really sweet letter. I responded with 20 bottles of Lambrusco and a similarly sweet letter.”
– former Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi on the birthday gift he received from Russian President Vladimir Putin
“You See?” Governor Abbott Responded. “New Yorkers Are Just As Anti-immigrant And Inhumane As – Wait, What Did He Just Say?”
“New York is here to welcome them. They frankly need a lot of support. They’ve travelled a long way to here.”
– NY Head of Immigrant Affairs on Texas Governor Greg Abbott sending migrants by bus to the Big Apple
If Not For Them, Brexit Would Have Ushered In An Economic Golden Age
“It’s a shambles and a disgrace. The damage they have done to our party is extraordinary.”
– Tory MP Charles Walker on Liz Truss and her finance minister
Heavy Is The Bank Account Of He Who Wears The Crown
“A startup is basically structured as a monarchy. We don’t call it that, of course. That would seem weirdly outdated, and anything that’s not democracy makes people uncomfortable.”
– tech billionaire Peter Thiel
But…How Do You Expect The Healing To Begin?
“There is nothing to talk about with this President of Russia.”
– Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy rejects talks with Vladimir Putin after his referendum for parts of Ukraine to join Russia
Thankfully, We Spit On You For Your Service
“Do you know how it feels to have the president of the United States target you?”
– Wandrea “Shaye” Moss tells the 1/6 committee of death threats she and her mother faced, disrupting their lives, after former President Trump falsely accused them of committing voter fraud
The Vice President’s Residence Shouldn’t Be Moved To Kansas City – That’s Where Dr. Strangelove Found Deep Enough Mine Shafts To Retire To
“If the president and the vice president and all the leadership of Congress is gone, we’re decapitated.”
– Independent Senator Angus King on the threat of nuclear attacks
When Somebody Tells You That The Fix Is Really In, BELIEVE THEM!
“When I’m secretary of state of Nevada, we are going to fix it, and when my coalition of secretary of state candidates around the country get elected we’re going to fix the whole country, and President Trump is going to be president again in 2024.”
– Jim Marchant, candidate for Secretary of State of Nevada, at a Trump rally
Not If The Script Is Being Rewritten By De Sade
“We know who Voldemort is in this war and who is Harry Potter, so we know how the war will end.”
– Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy
No, No, You’re Wrong –
The Public Wants Individually Packaged Potato Chips!
“It would make sense for me that probably shrinkflation is…at an all-time high at this point.”
-UofT marketing professor Sridhar Moorthy
That’s A Legacy To Be Proud Of!
“The mess Boris Johnson has left behind will take a long time to clear up.”
– Cambridge University history professor Richard Evans
Join The Dark Side – We Have Kookies
“The Trumpist side of the Republican Party is coming for the rhetoric, but staying for the autocracy.”
– Princeton University sociologist Kim L. Schepple on Hungarian dictator Viktor Orban’s speech to CPAC
So…Canadians Don’t Need Outside Influences To Be Just As Deplorable As People From Other Countries?
Go…Us?
“When I read accounts that the state of Russia had something to do with it, or that this was a result of American influence, either financially or ideologically, or that Donald Trump was behind it, or that it was un-Canadian, or that the people participating are un-Canadian, that they were not Canadian views and they are extremists, that’s problematic.”
– OPP intelligence gathering head Superintendent Pat Morris at the federal probe into the “Freedom Convoy”
More Evidence That Wearing Tin Foil Hats Scrambles Brains
“I know it in my heart! I know it in my spirit! He has never lied about anything!”
– Trump supporter outside Mar-a-Lago
Memory Of A Fruit Fly, With A Career Almost As Long
“I’m a fighter, not a quitter.”
– Liz Truss, a day before resigning as British Prime Minister
L Is Other Editors
“Chris Oldfield sees the parallls between Margaret Atwood’s book “The Handmaid’s Tale” and the growing influence of Christian nationalists in the U.S.”
– cutline on a Toronto Star photo of Margaret Atwood
I Like His Older, Funnier Television Appearances Better
“If this is America First, then America is fucked!”
– Jon Stewart on Republicans blocking health care for bets exposed to burn pit toxins
Are You Kidding? His Four Year Role As President Should Have Won Him An Emmy!
“Donald Trump lacked the courage to act.”
– President Joe Biden
But The Sunshine Was So Good In That Hallway!
“I don’t care if you have on flip-flops and Bermuda shorts, you go in.”
– Texas Department of Public Safety Director Steve McCraw on Uvalde police waiting over an hour outside a classroom door where a gunman killed 19 children
Unfortunately, The Thugs And Conspiracists Do Not Need Your Permission
“We cannot let American become a nation of conspiracy theories and thug violence.”
– Liz Cheney
Fortunately, I Have Enough Money To Insulate Me From Other People’s Discomfort
“I no longer believe that freedom and democracy are compatible. …[T]he “fate of our world may depend on the effort of a single person who builds or propagates the machinery of freedom that makes the world safe for capitalism.”
– tech billionaire Peter Thiel
Funny What Happens When The Shoe’s On The Other Ear…
“If you’re innocent, why are you taking the Fifth Amendment?”
– Donald Trump, then
“I plead the Fifth Amendment.”
– Donald Trump, now, 440 times
TRANSLATION: Get Used To Paying More
“We feel good about our inventory levels and don’t see any meaningful risk or incremental markdown requirements to clear inventory.”
– Canadian Tire CEO Greg Hicks
And Just Wait Until You See My Review On TikTok!
“Fuck off is my very diplomatic reply to you. The only outcome is that now no Ukrainian will ever buy your fucking Tesla crap. So good luck to you.”
– Ukraine’s outgoing Ambassador to Germany Andrij Melnyk, responding to Elon Musk’s positive tweets about Russia’s invasion of his country