Would Milton be the celebrated writer he is today if he had titled his most famous work Paradise Misplaced? Would we have any less pride in our city if it were called Toronto the Okay? Would Ivan the Terrible have been any less frightening if he had been referred to as Ivan the Pretty Bad? As Orwell (George, not Phyllis) showed us, words help determine how we perceive reality.
What follows is a handful of quotes, titles of works of art and sayings, not as we know them, but as they might have been. As you read through the list, try to imagine how much different things would be if they were the real thing.
“Don’t shoot until you see they’re very, very close.”
“Papa Don’t Give Me a Lecture.”
The Little Newspaper That Isn’t So Little Any More
“When the going gets tough, the tough leave.”
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodbye.”
“Tomorrow, tomorrow and another tomorrow…”
The Fathers, Brothers, Uncles and Cousins of Confederation.
“Space, the last place to go…”
the life of the gathering
“Live from Newark, it’s Saturday Night!”
The Aluminum Curtain
“Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, briny cucumbers, onions on a sesame seed bun.”
Young City Professionals (YCPies?)
People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw parties.
Richard the Brave
life is like a bowl of asparagus
A diamond is always
Out of the frying pan, into the bucket
“All the world’s a moat, and the people fishes.”
Snow White and the Seven Short Guys
All men were created the same.
the comatose of night
2001: A Space Trip
the world’s tallest free-standing building
life, freedom and the pursuit of joy
“The weeds of crime bears sour grapes.”
Lord of the Jewelry
Justice can’t see
“Now is the time for all good octopi to come to the squid of the party.”
Unidentified Flying Thing (UFT)
Don’t imbibe and dribe
Twelve Seriously Perturbed Men
“Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the mud.”
defence is no ignorance
the shampoo at the end of the tunnel
The Pepsi Demographic
“Everybody for one, and one for everybody!”
Rebel Without a Reason
“Devil with the Mauve Dress On”
life in the left hand lane
Mutual Assured Nastiness (MAN)
“I never met a man I hated.”
strictly by the videocassette
The Baskerville’s Hound
“It ain’t over til it’s done.”
One Day in the Life of Fred Denisovich
batteries extra
“Creativity is 10 per cent inspiration, 90 per cent sweat.”
the beer of human kindness
Do not shape, corrugate, spindle or maim
“L’etat, c’est Farrah.”
lifeway
“You’re pulling my nose!”
Elysian Pastures
Still waters run green
Religion is the drug of the masses
The Hearth is a Lonely Heater
Today is the first day of the rest of your days.
The Stanley Mug
“I think, therefore I live.”
emotional luggage
Sexual Wrongheadedness in Cincinnati
The Floor Street Journal
Leap before you look
The price of freedom is watching.
“It’s a game of millimeters…”
“Acquaintances in the Night”
solid as a pebble
“Into every life, there must be a little precipitation.”
It was a poorly lit and turbulent night…
The United States of Eriksona
Where the Buffalo Wander
hide and go look for
“Some people see things as they are and ask, ‘Why?’ I don’t.”
Thou shalt not commit they neighbour’s wife
strange verbs
The medium is the story.
“Down by the old mill waste…”
Frankie Goes to Pheonix
to each, whatever
a mutton for punishment
“You Grease Up My Life”
“When I tell you to jump, I expect you to ask, ‘Where?'”
the camera always tells the truth
justifiable mowercide
“Familiarity breeds kittens.”
professional discourtesy
“These are the times that try men’s underwear.”
Talk isn’t expensive
The Cotton Angel
“They say my name is Ahab…”
Money can buy happiness.
the carpets have ears
La Dolce Veritas
There’s no misery like it.
“Don’t take any wooden trees!”
Justice delayed isn’t Justice at all.
Top Eleven List
Zen and the Art of Local Politics
“And don’t take oxnerf for an answer!”