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@bill: DUDE!

@ted: dude?

@bill: I cant feel my toz!

@ted: r u stabbin ur toz wid a fork?

@bill: no

@ted: then y would u feel dem?

@bill: u don’t understand

@ted: sur i do. put ur hand on ur toz

@bill: dude! im txting here!

@ted: ur other hand dude

@bill: o. right. k.

@ted: now, cn u feel ur toz?

@bill: few. still der. LOL tx, dude

@ted: what im here 4

@bill: ur not here

@ted: figur o speech, dude, figur o speech – do not tak literal

@bill: o. k. im hungry

@ted: so get urself sum fud

@bill: I dunno where it is

@ted: don’t u have a…a place where u keep fud? What do u call it? A…a…a

@bill: stove, u mean?

@ted: no, i dont think dats teh word

@bill: not stove?

@ted: pretty sure not stove

@bill: toastr oven?

@ted: don’t u toast things in a toaster ovn?

@bill: o. makes sense. fudge?

@ted: no, no. u r confusin what u eat with what u keep it in

@bill: i sur culd us some fudge right now

@ted: focus! whers fud?

@bill: table lamp?

@ted: u keep fud in a table lamp?

@bill: I DON’T KNOW! Y U THINK I ASK?

@ted: k. k. don’t get nickrs twisted in not. Where is fud thing?

@bill: R U MAKIN FUN O ME?

@ted: no no. listen. where is it in house?

@bill: o. umm. dont no

@ted: u do eat, rite? Human metabolism cant function widout fud

@bill: rite. i eat

@ted: k where did u get fud?

@bill: woman – maybe mom – got it 4 me

@ted: k where mom?

@bill: dunno. havnt seen her in long time

@ted: did u ever get fud for self?

@bill: maybe. probly. hard 2 remember when so hungry

@ted: think. where was fud when u got it?

@bill: I DONT NO!

@ted: k. look around

@bill: k

@ted: do u see fud ting?

@bill: umm, what duz it look lik?

@ted: umm, a box, maybe?

@bill: YES! YES! Theres a box right in front of me!

@ted: duz it have picturz?

@bill: ooh. Yes. Cat is sawing off other cats head with dental floss. ROFLMAO!

@ted: that box not 4 fud

@bill: no?

@ted: itz a TV set, dude

@bill: o 🙁

@ted: any other boxes?

@bill: i c 1 on a table

@ted: can u c whats in it?

@bill: gimme a sec… fud?

@ted: what does it look lik?

@bill: its long…round…brown……………

@ted: culd b a hot dog, but

@bill: but?

@ted: its probly a cigar. what duz it smell like?

@bill: my grandfather

@ted: DUDE! IT’S A CIGAR! DO NOT EAT! I REPEAT: DO NOT EAT! IT WILL MAKE U SICK!

@bill: but I am so hungry

@ted: k. go into teh next room

@bill: u mean, get up?

@ted: yes

@bill: off my couch?

@ted: yes

@bill: lik, move around & stuff?

@ted: DUDE! do you want to eat r dont u

dude?

dude?

DUDE!

@bill: im thinkin! im thinkin!

@ted: OMG! Nichlas Car iz rite!

@bill: who dat?

@ted: author of buk called teh shallows: wat teh Internet iz doing 2 our brainz

@bill: what duz he say?

@ted: teh Internet is making us stoopid

@bill: not genetics?

@ted: nope

@bill: not environmental toxins dat r destroyin r immune systems & probly brainz, 2?

@ted: parently not

@bill: teh Interwebs?

@ted: yeah. u cant hav serious thots in 140 characterz. thinking bcoms superficial. u cant…umm…sumting else, he sez…

@bill: is it important?

@ted: i tink so, yeah – o, yeah, u cant follow complex argumentz ne mor

@bill: where hav I herd that b4?

@ted: Aristotle

@bill: dead Greek guy?

@ted: yeah. He said writing wuld make ppl stoopid cuz they wuldnt hav to remember facts

@bill: did it?

@ted: i don’t see how. i mean, if writing made us stoopid, how could we hav invented teh Interwebs?

@bill: dat all?

@ted: no. moviez radio TV – sum ppl tink dey all mak us stoopid

@bill: dat would b a lot o stoopid

@ted: zactly

@bill: so y u think Niclaus Cart is rite?

@ted: no

@bill: but u said u thot he wuz rite

@ted: i wuz confuzed

@bill: so, teh kidz r alrite

@ted: teh kidz r alrite

@bill: so, y am I gettin so hungry?

@ted: sigh. lets figure dis out logically

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